My daughter is 12 and in 7th grade. She just started junior high school. She hasn't communicate with me, her father, and sister for a while. I have another daughter that is 9 that communicate & tells me everything and treats like I am her best friend. My 12 yr old doesn't talk unless she have to and spends every spare second in her room with her door closed. She doesn't even join family reunions or activities. I talk to her that I am upset about it. She say she wants to be this way and feels embarrassed about being with the family and is afraid that she might be with the family more than her sister. She feels if she is older, she shouldn't be with the family more than her little sister because she doesn't want to be more dependent than her sister who is younger. I don't understand why. I have a little sister too and when I was 12, I always want to be with my parents even if my little sister doesn't. I never feel embarrassed about it. Why is my 12 yr old that way? What I can do?
2007-08-24 15:53:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Tell her that just because she's older doesn't mean she shouldn't be with her family...
It's perfectly normal, but what is she doing behind a closed door?
If she's on a computer you should monitor her activities and put a parental control on it.
You never know what kids find online.
You should sit down and talk to her, it could be she's going through depression (Hopefully not!).
Counseling is a good option, my children always had it.
Does she dress differently, or in dark clothes?
Hang out with a bad group of people?
Either way, or even if she doesn't, counseling is a perfectly normal option.
A lot of times kids prefer to tell a perfect stranger their secrets.
Good luck raising your children, the teen years are ahead!
2007-08-24 16:01:26 · answer #1 · answered by charlotte 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I'm 15, and when I was around 12-13, I felt the same way too. But when I got into high school, for some reason I just got over it. She just dosen't want to feel like a little kid. And since she's in middle school now, she probobly thinks shes all grown up now. I don't really know if there's anything you can do about it, just wait for it to wear off. For some people its a coule of years, for some it never wears off. for exampe, my friend heathers parents are sooo cool, but for some reason, she was sooooo embarrassed by them she wouldn't even let them visit or call the school to change her schedule, which she was missing an elective from!!!! It could be the way you dress, my mom dresses like a teenager and I think (and all my friends think ) that she looks really cool, but some get embarrassed if you dress frumpy. I'm a sophmore in high school and I go with my parents to the mall, the movies, etc., and I don't really care if I see someone from school, cause a lot of the time they're with they're parents too! I just think of t this way, everyone has parents, so why is it embarrassing to be seen with them??
2007-08-25 07:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by Lauren C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have a teenager. its not cool to hang out with your parents when you are a teenager. Yes its normal. But you still need to be involved in her life. Since I don't have a teenager yet, I'm not sure what you can do. She may be feeling like you treat her and her sister the same, and she is trying so hard to be "grown up" and to her, her sister is still a baby. sounds like she may want some more freedom, and perhaps she is ready for a little bit more, but also, with more freedom comes more responsibility. Review the rules that you have concerning her freedoms, activities and such with her and decide together which rules can be changed since she is getting older. for example, a later bedtime or being allowed to go to a friends house on a school night. Also incorporate a "family night" as part of the agreement, more freedom, more responsibility. She may not mind being with the family so much if she feels as if she is being treated more maturely.
2007-08-24 16:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by Josie 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is perfectly normal for her to be embarrassed- I was like that once... Even if you hung out with your family when you were 12 doesn't mean she might, things have changed big time in the past years!! She's just going through this stage of growing up- all she probably want is some privacy so she can be herself and learn more about herself so she knows what kind of personality she has and what kind of 'young adult' she is growing into. Don't pressure yourself or your daughter, show that you understand by giving her some more independance and some time. It's always hard through these times, no one wants their child to grow up so soon.
Best of Luck with your daughter!
2007-08-24 16:21:48 · answer #4 · answered by Wall-E's Girlfriend 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure she is just going through a phase. I was the exact opposite at the age of 12. Just tell her that she needs to go out with the family a few times a week and eat dinner with the family every night. You have to set boundries and let her know that just because she is spending time with the family doesn't mean she is immature. Family is extremely important.
2007-08-24 16:04:06 · answer #5 · answered by Madison 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are the parent. It is not good for her to be so distant from you and your family. You have to tell her what to do and then demand that she does what you tell her to do. Asking her to do things and then feeling disappointed and frustrated when she refuses, doesn't work.
Once children get to the teen years they often are less open with their parents about what is going on within themselves. But your daughters behavior is extreme. I'm 64 y/o and when my brother and I were told we had to go to family functions, we may not have wanted to go, but we had no choice in the matter. And it was good for us!
You will need to take meaningful privileges from her for not doing what you tell her to do. She will not like any of this and at first she will make a big fuss about this, but you have to stand firm.
You have to realize that your daughter is trying to manipulate you and gain control over you, or at least let you have no control over her. You must not let her succeed at this. She may argue and throw tantrums to try to get you to leave her alone and not control her. You must stand firm.
If it gets too bad, you and her may have to go to family counseling to get help with this. It's also possible that your daughter may have become depressed because isolation and keeping to yourself is one of the symptoms of depression.
I hope that I have written something that was helpful. My best wishes to you and your family.
2007-08-24 16:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NAW.. You NEed HARD LOVE FOR THAT!!! My Sister Was the Same Way!!! You Gotta CAtch it while its early or she will end up like my sister! She Barely talks to us and has moved way out of state to get away form us! MAKE her get involved with the family!! and if she complains take her priviliges away!!!! she shouldn't have a choice at 12!
2007-08-24 16:10:35 · answer #7 · answered by monicole2009 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like shes depressed, it would account for the not wanting company and staying in her room
2007-08-25 00:28:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋