A guy who was originally my friend, has been hanging around a lot here and is a good friend to us. We are pretty close, but his opinion of women is VERY low. He had a bad mother, sister and wife, and so he views women as garbage scum and has nothing good to say about them. Tonight he calls and wants to take my husband to dinner, which is fine...guys need guy time, but my husband is severely physically disabled and has emotional disability as well (shot in head at close range 24 years ago), and so I asked where they were going and the friend would not tell me, so I gave him a ring on the cell phone and explained that we don't keep secrets from each other in our marriage and that I'd appreciate the name of the restaraunt in the future so that if an emergency occurs here or if I need to reach my husband, I can do so, and he got angry with me for asking. He does not understand that I have my reasons.
I know they are not going to strip clubs and this is not a jealousy issue.
2007-08-24 15:03:21 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kelley Anne - I meant to give you a thumbs down for your answer. That was a complete accident.
2007-08-24 15:28:05 · update #1
I'd like to see some "male" opinions about this.
I do not mother my husband, rather, I have to be cautious with him perhaps a tad more than normal wives, because of both our disabilities. We are both physically disabled. If I were to have an accident, & I could not call 911, possibly, and if they did come, they'd certainly need to know where to call my husband.
2007-08-24 15:31:04 · update #2
Hi Kay, thanks for the answer. Good answer, but let me clarify my hubby would have told me where he's going, except he didn't know when he left. The friend doesn't understand why I asked. He thinks it's wrong of me to ask. That is what the "issue" is. :) Thanks for the honest answer.
2007-08-24 15:36:50 · update #3
No it is not ok at all. If you are married to someone he shouldn't have any issue with telling you where he is going to be, especially if he has disabilities!
2007-08-24 15:08:47 · answer #1 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to know where they are going. For exactly the reasons you gave. What does your husband say about it all? Did he think it was okay to keep this a secret from you? I'd think your husband is the one who should tell the friend he won't go places with him that he can't tell you about.
2007-08-24 22:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there's something going on he doesn't want you to know about and I hope its not a gay club either. Sure you may have valid reasons for knowing where he is, but on the other hand you can't over protect people either and become his mother figure. Everyone has to go through their knocks in life, as this is what makes them mature and be the person they are today.
2007-08-24 22:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not really sure where the issue lies. My husband has friends I don't really care for, but he tells me where he is going. If he is going somewhere I don't like, I tell him. Usually he respects my opinions. If he didn't want to tell me, I would think he was doing something that he shouldn't be. Not sure why he didn't tell you. But if he is capable of making his own decisions, your problem is with your husband and not your friends.
2007-08-24 22:35:02 · answer #4 · answered by Nicole 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You should be reevaluating the value of keeping this person as a friend. If he can't tell you where he is taking your husband then he shouldn't be trusted to take him. I agree you don't have to know everywhere your spouse is going or being taken but when you ask you deserve the respect to be told!!!!
2007-08-24 22:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Jamie 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
This "friend" is completely disrespectful and rude...not to mention oblivious to what marriage entails. There should be no secrets...period. He needs to get a clue or stay out of your lives. You are totally right to be upset.
2007-08-25 06:08:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this was so important, why did you let him leave the house without knowing?
Just how capable is your husband to make his own decisions? If he can make his own, then your issue is with HIM. HE should have called to tell you where they were.
You can't pick your husband's friends, honey.
Besides, he's an adult, despite his disabilities. Stop trying to be his mom. If something DID happen, he's in a public restaurant. Do you think they don't know how to call an ambulance??
Relax and enjoy your time alone. Take a bubble bath.
2007-08-24 22:09:48 · answer #7 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 1⤊ 5⤋
get this rat away from your marriage as of last year!!! dont let him start changing what you two as a couple have achieved over the years,it sounds to me you two have a beatiful relationship and have been thru a lot,some people are like viruses they live to contaminate those who are healthy. you know what i mean?
2007-08-24 22:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
your friend needs to grow up and respect yours and your husbands marriage. You have evry right to know where they are going without giving any excuses.
2007-08-24 22:11:11 · answer #9 · answered by butterflykisses 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they are on the "down low" which means they are having sexual relations especially if your friend is being secretive and has poor image of women
2007-08-24 22:13:04 · answer #10 · answered by MaRaNdA 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋