What kind of psychological problems could my sons have from their father being in prison. they are 6 and 8.?

Question

Me and my sons father have not been together in about 3 years. He went to prison because he got the babysitter pregnant (she was 13 and he was 26, hence why we are not together anymore). He was never a very good father, never worked, did drugs. I know they are way better off without him around. He has been writing me and telling me that I am hurting the boys by not letting hm talk to them or taking them to see him in jail. They know where he is. When they ask me why he is there I just saw because he didn't do the right thing. When we split up it was really hard on the boys, their whole lives changed, I used to work 70-80 hours a week at a min. wage job just to barely make it and their father was supposed to be at home with them but there were so many other things going on, things that I am very ashamed that I didn't get them out sooner. Finally, we are very happy and they are doing good. What should I do? They are 6 and 8, he won't be out untill they are 9 and 11.

I do have a boyfriend now and he is wonderful. He treats my kids like better than I ever thought anyone could. I don't mean by buying them things either, I mean they really look up to him and he loves them.

Maybe I worded things wrong, He did drugs and stuff and I wsn,t home because I thought that it was more important that I just worked all the time. He didn't beat us though, we just fought constantly, all the time, maybe that's why I worked so much also. My boys did go to counseling, they really are okay now, I just know that sometimes you don't know what a child is thinking.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are fairly open about it. Keep the doors of communication open and answer their questions reasonably honestly. Show no rancor or bitterness toward your ex-husband, just be matter-of-fact. If you manage their curiosity and feelings in an adult manner, they will learn to manage things in an adult manner. People make mistakes and they have opportunities to change their lives. If they take advantage of those opportunities, they will benefit; it they continue to make mistakes, they must face the consequences, which can seriously disrupt plans of happiness and a peaceful life (I tend to be understated).
The real work may come when their father gets out of prison, depending on how that goes.

Answer 2

Let's anticipate that his father will get out of jail, is going immediately and slim, and turns into a particularly well father. Not most probably. But, although he does, it is a very well lesson on your son that, while you holiday the legislation, there are fundamental penalties. However, he is 5 and will handiest comprehend such a lot. I'd sit down him down and inform him that, while he was once little or no, his dad did anything very dangerous. And, considering that he did this dangerous factor, he is being punished. Because of that, he have got to keep wherein he's for decades, and that is why he are not able to come and notice his son. The well factor approximately that is that, as soon as your son knows that his dad does not have the choice to come back and seek advice from, he must truthfully think relieved. At least his dad is not failing to come back considering that he does not wish to. I consider that is the nice factor to do for plenty of motives. After you might have informed him, inform his grandmother that he is aware of; and that, if she messes it up, she would possibly not be allowed to take him.

Answer 3

Well I can't say that I know what it's like to have a dad in prison so I won't go there but my dad did die when I was very young so I know what it's like to not have a dad around when you're six and eight.
Personally I don't think it did me too much psychological harm. When I was a kid I did wish I had a father very much but I don't think it was a psychological problem or warping so much as just a longing. That said I do think it would be good for you to try to find some sort of boyfriend whom the boys like and who would provide a good male role model for them. I can tell you personally that I did not have this and as a consequence I learned a lot of "man stuff" through friends or just by blind experience, neither of which I find to have a been great options in retrospect.

Answer 4

I am hoping that your children are in therapy.........It sounds like you may do well in therapy also.......I don't know "what else" you are talking about that you are "ashamed of," but if your children suffered abuse also at the hands of your husband, you need to make this known when you go into the courts, before you go into the courts and to anyone who will listen. Call an abuse hot-line in your area for help. Sounds like you need to get legal counsel (free to those who need it).......a good therapist and really figure out what you want to do with your life from here..........just remember that your children are your most important resource......I know it will be a while before the father is out of jail, but you need to get your supports in place NOW for those children.

Answer 5

Depends on how he talks about it later. If he's proud of it, like it was a character-building experience, same as college or the military...they may feel it necessary to emulate him.

I know of one fellow who's son committed murder during a holdup. Must have made the Old Man proud.

Answer 6

Get Jesus in to their lives and yours....That is the best solid foundation any single parent should have...They will find out the truth and need to know that forgiving is what we have to do to all and everyone no matter what they did...God is the judge , not us...no matter what the crime...If the Dad sees them...Let him see Jesus lite in them...not Satan s way of life full of bitterness and hatred.

Answer 7

maybe get another babysitter who seems well minded and see if they can spot any issues. if so you may want to consider help. if you figure that the kids are okay they could probably handle it by age 9/11.

Answer 8

ask your child on whether they want to see their father or not, since they know where their father is better let them now why, but not on the manner that would let them get angry with their father. the best way to cope with this is to practice communication with your kids.