I cant seem to be happy unless i have a man in my life...?

Question

is there anyway of getting over this, im currently dating this one guy and dont get me wrong i do like him, but i dont know if im trying really hard to make us into something more because i like him or im trying hard because i just dont want to be single anymore. please help!!!
what the hell is my problem???!!!

Definately not taking it wrong Cavassi, youre actually right i guess thats another that i am trying to overcome... thanks for your insight

Answer 1

A complete stranger cannot give you a set answer on what you don't know and don't realize.

Talk to him about your feelings for him. Make sure hes as open as you are and don't really tell him your dilemma but is there signs he wants to get more serious? Or do you feel like you're trying too hard trying to make up for his part in that too?

In other words go on an even level with him. If you confess your feelings and he never has or no signs of it then take it slow. You're young and you deserve to be happy. Happiness isn't born overnight...its a life journey. If you keep feeling something for him and push harder into things and the get scared and back away then it might make it worse because your worry will plague out the good feeling.

If you still aren't sure what his signals are and you question your feelings its normal and human nature. Don't be so hard on yourself the stress of worry also hurts good things in relationships because its always on your mind. If you feel like none of the signs factors are showing that its more then you really do need to step back and evaluate your life. If you hold back then you hold back on yourself and YOU are hurting yourself because you're too worried to be happy.

I think sometimes when we worry about ourselves in this manor it means we are lacking something. To be loved you have to love yourself and not question your own feelings. Easier said than done I know but thats the many struggles in life. If these questions you have about yourself don't go away I think you should spend some you time. You must dig deeper into this. Are you happy with your life? what can you change that would help your self esteem? are you depressed? Ask yourself these questions and slowly learn that you have no reason to hold back. I make this sound so simple but I know its not.

I always felt nervous that id die alone with 100 cats. I clinged onto boyfriends because i didn't love myself so I held onto them that much harder. It was toxic to the relationship and I got dumped every time. I had depression I wasn't eating right I had weight issues. The guys that broke up with me...I want to thank them.

I realized as I was holding onto them so hard that I was lacking something in my life. I didn't want to face my issues so I escaped from them by having a relationship. I had to step back in my life love myself learn from myself and learn to LIVE. The alone time I had...I felt like I met myself for the first time and I'm ready to give my heart out without question because I know my heart deserves love like anyone else does. I'm slowly trying to be the best I can be and I want the man in my life to reflect on that too. Love seems more valuable on top of a mountain than on top of the hill (or the ant farm) You have a lot to give. But first...give to yourself then others because you cant bypass, yourself to get to them.

I'm sorry this was so long but I can relate to you a lot.
If you'd like to talk about this some more or even vent and unlock stuff thats bottled up you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 2

It is difficult to see who the right person for you is when you are only looking to not be alone. The problem with most people is that they are so busy fixing themselves up for the approval of another person that they forget who they are, what they like, and what they want out of a relationship. Then they wonder why they are not happy in that relationship. If you are showing who you are, what you like, and what you want then a man can make a better decision about whether he is going to be a good match for you or not. The other side of that problem is that if the man is not being honest with who he is then you are not able to decide how you can fit into his outlook on life and his dreams. With these views going both ways, then you will know that you are with the right man and be more willing to grow with him to see where the relationship will take you honestly and not just being selfish.

Answer 3

Great answer from Cavassi.
I am now single after being in a bad marriage, for a long time.
I wasn't happy married and I'm not happy now.
I am my own solution to the problem of loneliness. I can't look outside for someone else to make me happy. I have to be happy with what I have. A man would be a distraction and a complication and I may not have learned to choose well, with my limited experience. So, single and alone, it is. C. :)!!

Answer 4

Well, I hate to say this, don't take me wrong, but usually problems like this are from low self-esteem and questions of self-worth. I don't even know you, but I know that you are a worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for even without a man. You have a lot to offer and men should be busting down the door to go out with you. When you start seeing yourself for what you are worth, people can't help but see the same thing. You have a lot to give, but you don't have to give yourself away. If you give, but not give up, people will notice. Don't settle for less than you deserve. And I mean that in a kind way. Always be nice to one another!

Answer 5

Happiness is, according to Wiki, a state of mind or feeling characterised by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure and joy. A lot of people believe that having lots of money and riches is the only way to gain happiness. Money, lots of money, can bring sadness as well. The more we have the more we want and to get that wealth can mean endless time a way from loved ones which in turn will make them unhappy. Spending lavishly on toys or gifts does not resemble happiness or love.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with being single.Or never married.But in order for a person to be a good partner in marriage.They must be able to be strong and stand on their own for awhile.Getting involved with a guy because you are lonely is way off the mark.It isn't right for the guy or you.He can get hurt and you too.Don't try to force a relationship to grow if it is because you want to be loved.First you must love yourself.

Answer 7

it's called co-dependency. check out a book called "Co-Dependent No More".

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.

Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.

Answer 8

I know it can sometimes be hard being single, but believe me it is far better to be single than to end up with the wrong person. By all means see this guy but make sure you have time to yourself also and try and find things to do to make yourself happy.

Answer 9

Theres nothing wrong with that, it really is a lonely world out there and you're just looking for someone to validate you as a woman.

However don't go and get your heart broken because you're tired of being single. Men can sense your vulnerability and will take advantage of that. Chill out. Men do love a good chase. Don't show him that you like him too much.

Answer 10

EVER HEAR THIS EXPRESSION? "A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN LIKE A GOLDFISH NEEDS A BICYCLE." THERE IS SOME MERIT TO THAT POINT OF VIEW.

BECOME AN EXPERT AT BUILDING A GOOD LIFE FOR YOURSELF. BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT AND FIND WAYS TO BECOME STRONGER. YOU CAN DO IT, BUT YOU NEED TO KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOURSELF. WOMEN WHO ARE CONSTANTLY HOPING TO BE RESCUED BY A MAN END UP GETTING MORE THAN THEIR FAIR SHARE OF WEAK MEN WHO ARE ABUSIVE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHERS.

A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN STANDS A FAR BETTER CHANCE OF ATTRACTING A DECENT MAN.