How do you deal with an alcoholic spouse?

Question

Married for 15 years...together for 21...relationship gone sour and not sure what to do

Answer 1

Oh my. My parents were in that boat. My mom stuck it out for 30 years and in the process became a sympathetic drinker herself to numb herself while having to deal with all that comes when one lives with an alcoholic. My father's alcoholism completely destroyed her life and she ended up dying of liver cirrhosis herself at a young age.

When my mom was terminal, she told me that she stayed with my father because she felt sorry for him, she was married, took vows and saw it as her responsibility to go with him through the bad times. This may not be the politically correct thing to say here, but don't make the same mistake. My mom could be alive today if only she had divorced him.

Offer him assistance to quit drinking and see whether he will enroll in a treatment program. If he's wishi-washi about it, he won't do it and use any excuse to drink again. He has to want to stop, else you're wasting your time. ... and this may be a hard pill to swallow, but if he doesn't quit, ask yourself whether you're prepared to put up with "business as usual" for the next 20 years until he either gets in a car accident, loses his job, or comes down with a disease.

Answer 2

I been there, tried everything, my husband would get fired for drinking on the job, DWI's. The DWI got him mandatory treatment WE had to pay for which I understand because I am completely against drinking unless it is a special occasion, game with the guys, dinner out & wine, holiday's etc. An alcoholic has to see for himself they need help. Even if they are demanded to get help, go finish etc just like ordered it doesn't work. My husband would stop & get his vodka on the way home & be drunk by the time he got back home after meeting. My husband paid the ultimate price, kidney & liver cancer, then brain cancer a year later & died at 54 years old, but he made his own decision. Out whole family tried, his mom tried, but he would enver admit he had a problem, I would find bottles in the back of the toilet tank, he would hide them everywhere so he could go to another room & have a quick "nip".

Answer 3

first get help for yourself. go to alanon, your clergy, or counselor.
you have to realize that your partner had the problem, not you!
i have been married to an alcoholic for 43 years. the first 20 years were good considering that he worked every day.
the last 23 years, well let's say with 4 kids and a general education i did not have the courage to leave.
thank God her never killed anyone while driving, although he had several fender benders.
i have learned to cope very well. i live with him because i take my marriage vows too seriously i guess.
remember, you are s till young enough to make it. i am sooo
sorry now that i did not get out 20 years ago. if he or she will not seek help and stay stober - my advice/ get out now!! you cannot change that person. they have to do it...
screaming, crying, pouring their booze down the drain, DOES
NOT WORK. i have found bottles in places that you would not
believe. MY CHILDREN LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE IS THEIR
FATHER, BUT THEY HATE HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO OUR FAMILY. "FOLLOW YOUR HEART"
there is a very fine line between love and hate.
GOOD LUCK.. YOU WILL NEED IT!

Answer 4

Oh, I understand you very much...Thinking about it every moment...I am afraid that there is only one exit...go to different directions with him. My love is very different now, I can't believe that feelings can change that much, but they are and they do change everyday...I do not recognize myself and do not like how I became.
My friend always telling me that things will change for better...You had live with your husband for 15 years, was it always like that or it became worst? I do not see the way how it can became better.
Alcoholics are very selfish people, this is the main reason why they can't stop. They love only themselves. Also they think they are kind of "special" people and they can do what others can't do. It's such bull, makes me sick.
Sorry, have no advise for you. I guess everyone have to make their own decision.
Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Find an al-anon meeting in your area. Go to it, get a sponsor, and work the steps. You will find all the answers you are looking for, and many other answers at an al-anon meeting.

Good luck, God bless. I will pray for you.

Answer 6

Well he needs help so that is what you should do before repairing the relationship he needs an AA meeting.

Answer 7

send his drunk azz packing. you'll love yourself for it