I've written a short piece - does it gain your interest??

Question

I've changed some parts which people advised me to reform. Cheers for the help and all suggestions will be appreciated.

Please read the first post "The Death Brand" only - it's the short piece at the beginning

Link:http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-3TmkpeQ8eqLgSkELyFGuJ9Cd;_ylt=Aj72QrwUSSW1sdielwDOVSCkAOJ3

There's no similarity with Harry Potter - no wizardry here...lol

Answer 1

i loved it.its great

Answer 2

I read this before and told you it had promise. I preferred it the other way with the beginning being the dialogue. The opening paragraph needs a lot of work. You use passive tense and a terribly awkward run on sentence. It grabbed me much more when you started it with the dialogue. Pax- C