I have a question, and I want to see what Ideas people have! My ex-husband/father of my sons just bought a house 2 miles from me and my husband. We have joint physical/legal custody of our sons.
He just bought this house, and the house is great; it's a big 2 family, very pretty inside, nice garden. But the neighborhood is truly frightening. I drove by to check it out last night! There is literally a gang in the street right out front. Cars going by with that booming sounds! I think I even saw a drug deal happening while I drove by! Ug!
He's a good father, my kids love him! He loves them, and really values his time with them. He's pleasant and helpful to me and respectful to my husband. In short; he's the perfect ex-husband. There's no way, I would not want them to see him!
But the idea of my children spending time in this neighborhood just fills me with anxiety! I made him promise they would never get on the school bus there!
I dont know what to do.. Help!
2007-08-24 13:17:59 · 6 answers · asked by Mildly Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Couple More Details: They are 13 & 10! And my work schedule is such that Im at home for them every day after school, so they come to my place after school every day. They see their Dad over-night or two during the week and every other weekend.
2007-08-24 13:47:56 · update #1
He most likely bought this house so he could be close to his kids. You yourself said he's a good father and the perfect ex. I don't know how big of a town you live in, but 2 miles is not very far. Unless your kids are very small, this is easy walking distance, meaning you pretty much live in the same neighborhood. I live in a large metropolitan area (Cleveland), and experience has taught me that no neighborhood is immune. The teenagers in his "hood" will grow up and leave at some time. And the kids around you may well grow up in a few short years to fill that void. Unfortunately we live in a world where no neighborhood or city is immune to such things. The best you (and your ex) can do is try to raise your kids to be intelligent people who know right from wrong, who show and feel respect for others, and are self confident enough to not let others to run their lives. In other words lead by example, teach them well and trust that they learn from it and make the right decisions. Don't be foolish and think that a neighborhood ruins a kid, it happens in the suburbs, it happens in small towns, it can happen anywhere. It sounds like you and your ex are doing a good job, just keep doing it and trust them to make the right decisions in life. thats really all any parent can do.
2007-08-24 14:09:29 · answer #1 · answered by Dale S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You obviously trust your ex. It's the neighborhood that is the problem. In his house they should be safe enough. If they don't venture out without him they should be OK. Express your concerns about the neighborhood and ask him to keep an eye out for things. Maybe the gangs were aware that it was vacant or up for sale, so they figured no one would call the cops on them. If he makes regular calls to the police, they will stop hanging around there. They may be just taking advantage of an unsupervised area.
2007-08-24 13:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by Linda K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, unfortunately this is something that is out of your hands, I think. You can't tell him where to live or the type of neighborhood to live in, however, you can talk to your kids to make them be more aware of their environment while they're there. Like keeping extra hold of bookbags, purses, keeping id information out of sight, remember to notice landmarks/street signs etc that way if something happens in an emergency they give that information to you or whomever. You know what I mean? They should always walk in a group if at all possible =)
2007-08-24 13:27:03 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't get to dictate where your ex lives. All that matters when he has visitation is that he spends time with the kids. He is providing a place for them to live when they are with him which is all the court expects him to do. After all you never said anything about HIM not liking the neighborhood YOU live in...and being only 2 miles from him I can't imagine YOUR neighborhood is pristine and perfectly safe either.
2007-08-24 18:15:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does he have them for the weekends or the weekdays. If it's the weekends he just needs to make sure he is always around them, if it's during the weekday and they will get home and be alone til he gets home from work then you need to suggest they stay with you during the week. If you work then they should be bussed to after school care until you pick them up.
2007-08-24 13:43:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask him to move. The house is too big anyways.
2007-08-24 13:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋