I left my wife because she was drinking too much and hanging out with other guys way too often. Good Move?

Question

I did it, I packed my crap and moved in with some frineds. For details on that, go to my past questions in my profile about my wife drinking in bars with other guys. She did text me that night from the bar and said she would be home at 1130. She didn't invite me and didn't call. When I called her and told her come home she said no. When i told her I am you husband and dont like you drinking in bars with other guys she said she wasn't doing anything. So I said I am going to leave you. With that, I hung up the phone and packed my crap and left. I didn't hear from her til the next day and she was begging me to come TALK about it. We have been talking about it 2 months and nothing has changed. I ignored all atemps to talk to her. She showed up at my work crying and telling me lets work it out she don't want to loose me. I told her if she wants me back she is NEVER to go out drinking in bars with guys I dont know again. If she didn't aggree to my terms, I want a DIVORCE!
What u think

Answer 1

You over reacted. She only has sex with guys that are better looking than you. And if she get pregnant by another man, she is doing you a favor because you will have a prettier baby.

Answer 2

Don't listen to her crying and sniveling because she hasn't changed. Sure, things will be good for awhile when you take her back and she starts feeling safe. Then before you know it she'll be back to her old ruthless ways and things will be worse than ever where you will wish to God that you hadn't given in. Better face it she's got serious drinking problem and the bar scene is somthing that she will never give up. Unless she submits to some serious rehab and sticks with it for the duration of her life, (which will be tough for her to do) you're never going have any peace of mind or someone that you can honestly call your wife. You were a bit weak with the ultimatum. You should have told her that she will never go out with ANY guys again and she will permanently give up drinking as well. But that isn't going to happen because it's near impossible for her to want to change. Seems like you've done all the talking that you can do so now is the time for you to act. So yes you are making the right move, so get the divorce and realize that it's in your best interest. She'll never agree to anything and besides her outragous behavior, your marriage to her has become a lost cause. So stand your ground and don't feel guilty about what you need to do for yourself. Just keep notations of what you have been going through so that you will have the necessary documents for when you do go to court. After that move on and get your life back in order.

Answer 3

I think it is a good move, but I would add that my concern is that she is an alcoholic and it's not just a matter of going to bars and talking to guys.... My guess is that she might need to quit drinking altogether...
Ask her to answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
11 - Do you have "blackouts"? (cannot remember. )
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol.

Sent from a recovering alcoholic.

Answer 4

Sounds right to me, let me go and look at your past questions though...

Ok, well you haven't mentioned anything about children so I am going to assume there are none. That is a good thing - for now because that would complicate things and push you to make things work more than you may want to.

Now you took a vow and you must have loved each other to get married so that has to mean something. We don't know if she has cheated on you, but let's assume she hasn't since you haven't caught her or seen major signs of an affair going on.

I suggest you try to work things out. Sometimes people get this way, they start meeting people at work or school and start to feel like their youth is slipping out of their hands so they better get partying again. Maybe you need to seperate and let her get it out of her system.

I would give her some time and demand that you meet once a week for a marriage counseling session and when she is ready to give up the partying then you can consider getting back together.

I don't think you both have given your 100% to working things out and a marriage and love deserves that. You get a divorce as the last resort.

There may be issues with her you are not aware of. She may find you boring, she may have had a sheltered life before you and so is acting out now because of that. She may like the attention she gets from these friends that she is not getting from you. Maybe you two no longer have fun together. Maybe she is having regrets about getting married. Who knows, SHE may not even know the real reason for her actions.

Try to work it out, it doesn't sound hopeless or that it's at the point of no return.

ps my husband and I have a night out to ourselves with our friends about once every 2 months or so. This is mainly because we have small children and no babysitter. But you must compromise and allow her to have SOME time to herself. But she should have girls nights out though NOT guys nights out.

Answer 5

I 'm confused how come you weren't with her when she frequents the bars? Well if you put your foot down, and she doesn't get the picture that your marriage is in trouble something is wrong with that. I can't say I wouldn't do the same if my Husband did that believe me I wouldn't turn back again. That's my opinion for myself I learned that on my first marriage which lasted less than 90days. So if she isn't willing to change her ways then its not going to work. If you love her then try to work it out. Time might be what you need now you have been hurt and you aren't in the right frame of mind to talk. I do hope thing's work out for you.

Answer 6

I think you've done the right thing. If she's hanging out in bars with guys and drinking, who's to say she's not getting plastered and then sleeping with them? She seems to have no respect for you and your position as her husband and the fact that she should at least listen to what you have to say and respect your feelings toward her being out with other guys. I'd give her one change to turn it around and then you need to go to a lawyer. Dont be wishywashy like some guys. Stand up for yourself and dont let her walk on you. Divorce her and don't look back.

Answer 7

I think you did a good move. Any woman who can't keep her priorities straight is confused, and it looks like you did what you could to help her, but as yo ucan tell its her decision in he end. But if you still feel that there is hope i nthe relationship, give her the space and loneliness she doesn't live with for now and then talk about it. Although, by separating, she's probly just gonna drink and go to bars some more.

Answer 8

Over on another question these same women are telling a woman "how to drag it out in court". Your wife was posting that she didn't want a divorce, and if there was a way that she could prevent you from divorcing her. Be careful and get a good lawyer. Of course she didn't mention her drinking with other guys, but it's a womans world in the court system you better make sure you take your balls out of her purse before you go to court, you'll need them.

Answer 9

It was probally the best move for you. You can not help people that don't want to help themselves and if she isnt making you a priority in her life then why should you make her one in yours. Addition is a desease but you don't have to make it your problem i f she is out there like that it will only cause you heartache, financial ached and much headache and drama. Seems as though she has her hands full with those other guys she may not even contest the divorce...

Answer 10

Only you know what's best for you, your wife is obviously very immature and needs help and unless you love her with all your heart you'd be better off getting out of the relationship, she's not ready for any serious relationship, and you sound like a nice guy who would make someone ELSE a good husband.
Your wife should NOT be going to bars without you, not for anything. decent women with good character DON'T do things like that. it's trashy and she sounds trashy too. do your self a favor. tell her to go be with her "Guy" Friends .

Answer 11

Your wife is acting like she is still single. Her days of partying, drinking heavily, and hanging with other guys ended the day she agreed to be your wife. It would be okay if she included you on these excursions and drank moderately but a line has definitely been crossed here.

You did the right thing. You may also want to consider telling her to seek therapy. She may have a substance abuse problem. Namely alcoholism. This disease bears heavily on relationships, especially marriages.

If she truly respected you and your marriage, she would attempt a change. This sob and beg number she is doing is just a little trick with the puppet strings. Don't let her play you anymore.