How does one live with a short tempered hubby?

Question

They say Spanish are hot short-tempered but what if it is too much.

Eg..shouting and yelling for no reasons.

Every little thing he will settle it by shouting,yelling and name calling.
I was not raised like this(shouting) especially for stupid reasons.
Eg..something he misplaced or i did he will shout/yell. Yes i did ask about his problem,but he doesnt see it as a problem. His entire family is the same.

In these situations i always keep quite, but i have realised my silence is not helping,after he calms down and i ask him why he behaves that way, he starts his temper again.

Thank you all for your very supportive and encouraging answers.

Answer 1

Are you in danger? If so.. Leave. Otherwise put your foot down and say that this is childish behavior that leads to know where and damages everything.

Answer 2

He doesn't see himself having a problem when he obviously has one and his problem was how he was brought up. When you tell him obviously get him really angry it is like someone telling you that you have a fever and you think it is not so. Well you don't feel sick but everyone else knows that you are and you are in denial.
He would not be able to do something about it until he acknowledge his problem on his own there is nothing you can do for him. I know that you want to help him because you love him and you want to be able to fight without his temper scaring you. Yes fighting is part of a relationship becasue there are times when you would disagree on certain things. I would be feeling the same way about the situation.
I think that if you want to make an impact and he is behaving violent towards you then you leave and tell him the if he doesn't get help then you would not be coming back to him he would get help. Something dramatic has to happen for him to realise that he needs help.

Answer 3

Yes, we have similar situations indeed. Is he under financial pressure or a critical change in his life? When my hubby explodes I found really effective responding with the complete opposite attitude: love! It's not easy, believe me I'm trying to practice this in my daily life. When I answer to his anger with a soft tone and reasonable simple ideas... he has no other choice than to surrender. You will pronounce magic words when they come from a calm state, than from anger or sarcasm obviously. Unfortunately in relationships there's always one that overcome easier to the other's offenses. Marriage is a constant learning and enlightening experience. I'm Spanish like your hubby and in our culture sometimes man feel strong yelling and dictating (the macho thing), it's the way he was raised maybe his mom supported for ever so it is not going to be a short term fix. That's also why he overreacts to your approaches, he feels he's loosing power. In reality, you knowing this things and having them in mind will give you peace and the power in the relationship and you will regain his respect. It will cost many tears, but this is the man you chose! remember his virtues and the good man he is, imagine he treating you like the queen you are. Finding good support like literature and experienced people, maybe counseling could be a good option too.

Answer 4

I used to live in Yuma Az, which is about 20 mins from the border of mexico and I have seen many women come to work with black eyes, fat lips, and those bruises on the arms where you can tell they were grabbed, as a matter of fact one of the hottest girls I ever slept with was a girl with an abusive mexican husband, so if it wasn't for him acting like a child and throwing tantrums I never would have had the wonderful experience I got to have with his wife, I can't tell you what to do, but I am sure there is some guy out there who is willing to treat you like a lady, and when you find him, that hot tempered husband of yours is going to come crawling to you, so hopefully he will man up. good luck.

Answer 5

Ask him why he has to shout. When he tells you that's the way his family is, tell him it's fine - you're going to blend in by shouting too. When something is lost, and he shouts, shout just as loud as he does. Scream at the top of your lungs. Take a deep breath, say to yourself, 'Wow, that felt good' and go on about your business calmly. Continue to do that. If you can't beat'em, join'em.

Answer 6

What you are going through is verbal abuse and you need to get away from this man before he gets any more out of hand than he is. You do not have to put up with this and you need to leave, or you BOTH need to go to a counselor about this problem. I would leave, it is not easy to live with fear all the time and that is what you are living with. I would bet the will never change, and you are his battering ram.

Answer 7

You don't have to live like that. Give him an ultimatum. Get marriage counseling together or the marriage is over. That should set him straight. If not then it would be in your best interest to get out. If he is acting like this now towards you, who's to say there won't be physical abuse later? I would be putting my foot down and getting things straight before its too late. Good luck!

Answer 8

sounds just like my childhood living with my parents.. my father was very mentally and physically abusive and my mother just stood around..and did nothing. Get out of the relationship. It's not healthy. If he loved you, he wouldn't act like that towards you. If you truely love him and can't imagine your life without him, then you need to sit down and tell him everything you are going through and how he's making you feel. If he refuses to seek counseling then your relationship wasn't meant to be. God Bless you honey! I hope everythings works out for the better!

Answer 9

I say definitely choose your battles.... don't be a door mat either....or feel like you have to walk on egg shells! That's no way to be in marriage!!! I wouldn't excuse his behavior...I would even see if he's open to counseling! But, I would use wisdom when asking him, making sure that it's the right time...There is definitely a much deeper reason as to why he has a short temper....If he's hitting on you.... please don't put up with that!

Answer 10

Saying Spanish having anger issues is a cop-out.

Your husband should take responsibility for his actions with the understand that you will not live like that.

He needs counseling and anger-management classes.