need an honest male opinion on this?

Question

ok well my boyfriend and i have been having some issues involving internet porn. i understand most men look at porn and normally i had no issue with it...... until i went onto the computer and found 25 different videos, all an hour or so long downloaded within 2 weeks. prior to this, i didnt even know he was using the computer for porn. i told him i was not comfortable with him accessing that much porn in such a short amount of time. we argued, he apologized, we moved on. a few days later, i found more again. he promised me it was the end. i dont have a problem with paper porn, whatever. but to me, internet porn is way too accesible and such. we moved on, it was fine again. a month later, i found MORE on the computer and i FLIPPED. i told him that i couldnt believe he could promise me something since he knew how much it bothered me and he couldnt even uphold himself to that. by the way, i had such a problem because we have a newborn baby that i was up with at night and he was sneaking

out of the bed in the morning to go and do this when i was there, perfectly able. thats why i said i had a big problem with it - he was choosing PORN over ME. not to mention, i had just had a baby so my self esteem isnt all that great. why would he do this over and over again? is he trying to sabotage our relationship?? i mean porn is fine in moderation- but to that extent cant be normal. he would get pissed at me for asking him to take our son out of the room for the hr hes awake before work so i could get one hr of a good nights sleep and he would literally grumble and get mad! thats why i started suspecting something was going on. why would he do this to me, especially after promising me something? i understand porn is porn and that men masturbate, but theres no way i cant have a problem with him preferring to jack off to another girl or couple having sex than to with me.... how should i handle this? i told him if i found it once more, i would be reconsidering our relationship

to mike- we do have sex on a regular basis and have a very explorative sex life thats why i dont understand. its not like im withholding anything from him. if anything when it comes to actual sex, i have the higher sex drive

to spartan - OKAY so since i carried HIS CHILD and may not be as tiny as i was before pregnancy, it makes his actions OK?!?! im sorry but if you love someone, that doesnt make a difference and i find that utterly ridiculous

i never asked him to stop masturbating or even looking at porn. i asked him to stop using our computer to access that much in such a short amount of time. who naturally need THAT much stimulation?? did you miss the part where i said that he downloaded 25 videos in two weeks??? as a new father, he shouldnt even have time to do that, i know i dont. ive tried to talk to him about it and see if theres anything i can do but he acts like its nothing and that he doesnt care. i understand he needs to masturbate - i mean i do it, but if hes overstimulated like that all the time, i feel like im not going to be satisfying to him. like i cant give him the level of pleasure that our computer can... which is sort of sad in my opinion...

Answer 1

Okay, I'm a guy here - and I think this is well out of order - HE is well out of order - how would he like it if you (I don't know if you're feeding the baby yourself) expressed some milk, tell him to feed the little one while you pop on the computer and watched some hunky big bloke doing what nature intended - or instead of cooking his tea, you were on the computer...........Tell him if he's going to act like a child, you're going to treat him like one, ang go to one of those 'net nanny' sites that are to prevent kids downloading anything they shouldn't - and bar him from accessing any porn - they should give you a password. Or mortify him by saying you're going to have a chat with his mum about it.........I think you've been more than reasonable - he wants to count his lucky stars that you have the attitude you have - most blokes would be out on their ear by now!!! Good luck!!

Answer 2

Firstly you have a child and you only refer to him as your boyfriend and secondly you would like to reconsider the relationship after having a child. The porn is the least of your worries. However if the porn bothers you so much why not instead of hammering on about it, try letting him do whatever he wants as long as your sexual relationship isn't being affected. The only reason he is sneaking behind you is because either he knows that you disapprove of it or he may be embarrased like a mother finding out. If you're open about the porn he will do it and not be sneaking. You probably have high speed internet and 25 videos in 2 weeks is easily done but probably a waste of time too. With the high retail prices of porn he's also not paying for them and downloading them from a website of some sort which is illegal like music downloads. He also may be addicted to porn which like a smoker making him promise is not going to work and slightly unfair. If you tie a dog to a tree all it's life and one day untie it, it will run off. Give the guy a break and just be open about it. Either he's wanted these movies for ages or never had porn as a kid. Maybe he's starting a hobby, porn collecting clearly he is just interested and maybe it's something you could employ into your relationship. Whatever it is you need to just be ok about so long as he's being faithful etc. It's probably a phase that he will tire of maybe brought on during the pregnancy and he needed an outlet for his hornyness. The one thing that he needs to learn is responsibility now you have a child in the house. One other thing in your question I noticed was the over use of words like "me" and " I ". This could suggest that the porn is an escape from yourself as you could be giving the guy too much hassle over this. Finally, if you love the guy and he loves you then this will be forgotten about in time but remember that you both need to be responsible and raise the new kid in town. That is most important.

Answer 3

Girl... You need to dump him, he lied to you more than once

Fool You Once, Shame On Him
Fool You Twice, Shame On You
Fool You Three Times, And Your An Idiot

Sorry To Put It That Way, But It Is Plane And Simple:

He lied to you, and you need to show him that it is not ok. You can do this by dumping him, but if you want to keep the relationship (for your child's sake) cut him off from something (sex, or something else he likes that you give him, like maybe a home cooked meal)

If you think that you are staying with him for your sake, you are not, he lied to you, and not only once, but a bunch. You caught him with it that much, just think how many times you did not catch him.

And if you think you are staying in the relationship for his ake, why in the world would you care about him after what he did to you, sure he does it once (which he should not have, he has a child to take care of, and a girl to have sex with, so why watch other people's sex.)

So, you need to get it together, and make a decision, and then you need to stick to that decision. Not only until he apologizes, but wait until he really means the apology. (I am a guy, so I know that sometimes an apology does not come from the heart, but when one does, you will be able to tell) And remember, you are in control, he lied to you, and that is wrong, so do not let him get away with it

Once he gets away with it once, he will keep doing it because you did not act as though you cared.

And, if you showed him what you typed, (do not just show him, but print it and let him find it by "accident" he will realize how much what he did hurt you, and he will come to his senses.

As always, I am here at [e-mail] if you have questions or concers regarding this, or anything else.


Best of Luck.

Answer 4

It's unreasonable for you to ask for him to stop... and unrealistic for him to promise to stop. Although he may not realize it, he was really meaning to but it's just impossible. You're just lucky that he's not out on the street getting somewhere else. It all comes from him not being fully satisfied sexually and psychologically...and with the new baby, he's probably not feeling appreciated. This is a golden opportunity for the two of you to bond sexually - the breast milk is always an erotic sex enhancer, and those few minutes of great sex will help you both sleep and feel great afterwards! So don't expect his urges and outlets to change, but by making him feel like he's appreciated it may lessen his looking. Is there any possibility of bringing in others into the marriage....or is that an option that you guys, as a couple, are not open to. Just remember the old adage (for both M&F) "If they're not getting it at home, they're getting it somewhere else!" If you really do care about him, don't let that happen to the relationship. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

You are dealing with a stage that all men go through. By having him make promises about what he will or will not do will only hurt your relationship. Both of you need to get to the point where porn is not just a nasty word, (no pun intended). Maybe you could watch it with him so he does not feel like he has to hide anything. I personally have been married to the same woman for almost 30 years and I don't hide anything from her, in fact we enjoy watching together, give it a try for your relationships sake.

Answer 6

1.) Porn, I think in any amount, can be healthy as long as both of you are getting your needs met. If he's still satisfying you, then maybe you should back off. Guys like variety.

2.) Whether he's looking up porn, playing video games or obsessed with fantasy football...he shouldn't let these activities take away from helping with the new baby. Instead of making this a porn issue, make it a responsiblity issue.

Answer 7

Man girl you can really type out your feelings.

Most men will look at porn and masturbate. This is something that hey learned to do and feel more comfortable with this than a girlfriend. Yes this is a bit immature and most men grow out of it. Until he does don't complete with his hand and his personal private preference. He like to have sex with you, just have not made that connection that you can teach him a few things that maybe he doens't see on those videos.

Answer 8

you need a hug! man if i was him i would hate to be in that position. well try make up sex and if that dosn't work try putting a blocker on the computer or kill the computer.. or you can take this down hard and say, "the next time you look up porn i will cut off you di**!" and make it serious. and if he dose get really close to have him screaming. he will proubly chose you...but that is mean so you prouble want to do it the nisest way. taking away the computer might be the best. i don't want girl going to jail for cutting a guys penis off. LOL that would be a sight though. let me know how it is going later on.


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Answer 9

Dont nag him so much. Don't make him choose, you may loose. As a new father I felt neglected and had a tough time accepting that I was not the center of her world anymore. I'm sure he feels that way too. He is not going to stop masturbating so you need to come to terms with that.

Answer 10

The vagina is unusual besides. Even time-honored looking ones are kinda unusual to me. So, specific, yours could additionally be unusual to me. yet i does no longer be self unsleeping approximately it. maximum adult males could in basic terms be chuffed to have intercourse. in case you nonetheless won't be in a position to shake the stress, do it on the hours of darkness, or do it with a virgin, or the two. yet to make an prolonged tale short, it is a extraordinary physique section first of all. Dont be freaked out.