My ex husband has a new gf who likes to call and talk with our children. She and I have gotten acquainted, and now she wants to talk regularly to me. My ex was abusive to me, but mostly to my children. Living with him was like prison. I told her this and even though she has young children, she wishes to continue the relationship. She has even admitted to noticing warning signs of abuse with him.She thinks she can 'handle him' better than I did because I am more quiet than she, and that he will never be abusive with them.
My problem is that, she is very nice, but often times shares things about their sex life or compares us in alot of areas...I dont want to think about him at all and esp. dont want to know about their sex life. Everyday she calls more and more, what should I do?
2007-08-24 09:36:23 · 10 answers · asked by A G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for your responses. I just don't feel right about this whole thing. I know now, from your comments that I have to tell her to slow down and limit her phone calls with the children and myself and to keep her private business to herself. Thanks alot. Please keep commenting.
2007-08-24 12:37:34 · update #1
You should be honest with her and tell her that you believe she is endangering her children's lives by getting involved with him, and that SHE makes no difference, he's the one who's violent, no matter the handling, he's the one who CHOSE to hit and punch etc. She's riding to the rescue and she has no right to drag her young children into such a situation. She is showing poor decision making abilities. Anyway, let her know that because you disagree on such a fundamental issue, you have no desire to become 'girlfriends' and let her know that discussing their sex life makes you uncomfortable. If you just can't bring yourself to be that blunt with her, than get caller ID and quit taking her calls.
2007-08-24 09:44:27 · answer #1 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let her know while you appreciate she keeps a friendly door open to you, you do not wish to hear about her life with your ex. let her know that it does upset you and the children when she compares her life with you and you would prefer to just talk about other things, (if you want to keep her as an ally)
as for the abuse, chances are he won't change. Abuse does happen when the other party allows it. Not that it is your fault, but obviously he knew he could get away with it with you, and maybeshe will be stronger. I doubt it in the long run though. abusers know how to run a person down to the lowest form of life...
Try not answering the phone for a while, she might get the hint
2007-08-24 16:49:11 · answer #2 · answered by just me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time she calls give her the hotline number for abused victims and tell her straight out how uncomfortable you feel discussing the father of your children to his mistress! When you put it on cold terms like that they usually get the hint pretty quick. You may even get, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way." out of her. I did!
2007-08-24 16:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by peggy m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sounds like a nice person but she is putting you in an incomfortable situation. you know from past experience what she is in for. i would not return the favor of friendship just because of the situation being to close. but i am not saying that she does not need a friend or that she would not make a good friend. it just would not be me. now as far as the kids-i would want them to have a good relationship with her but not too good. chances are good she won't be around for a long time in their lives.
2007-08-24 16:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont take her calls anymore or just tell her out right, I think your a nice person, but I would appreciate it if you wouldnt call so much and I really dont want to know what you and my ex are doing. Be ASSERTIVE
2007-08-24 17:09:46 · answer #5 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to set boundries with her. Let her know you're not interested in what's going on with the two of them. Depending on how you feel about her talking to your children you may want to discuss that too.
2007-08-24 16:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lostandconfused 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she starts talking about something you are uncomfortable about, tell her" This is none of my business, I don't want to know" if she persists you may have to tell her and hang up...
2007-08-24 16:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop conversing with her. She's a nutcase.
2007-08-24 17:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
show her this question, and tell her to get a life
2007-08-24 16:45:55 · answer #9 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop answering her calls! DO you have caller ID?!!!
2007-08-24 16:41:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋