please no "bitter" answers just the facts. What do children of divorce miss out on and do they know any better

Question

Ok say the children were babies when their parents got divorced so they have allways known "2 homes". Plus both parents play a active/loving role rasing the kids and both parents get along with each other.Do the kids still wish thier parents were together?As they get older do they get jealous of thier freinds whos parents are married?

Answer 1

IF you are considering divorce, and you have babies, it's better in my opinion to go ahead and divorce now rather than muddling thru years of 'trying to make it work' and then ending up divorced, because as you say, the kids will know nothing else. My parents separated when I was three, and I have very few memories of them together. I do not recall any serious wishes or desires for them to be together because they seemed happy in their lives and everyone made an effort to get along well. I was never placed in the middle and I believe I had a great childhhood.

That's not to say that in moments of immaturity, I did not whine about the divorce, in an attempt to get my way or voice my displeasure as a kid, but all kids say silly things in an attempt to manipulate their parents.

It's all in how you handle it, the parents. You teach your children how to cope in life, how to cope with what is reality, how to cope with wishes, how to cope with disappointments etc.

Answer 2

First off, you should never get "jealous" over what someone else has. That is a negative feeling that could destroy a person.
But yes, you may wish your family had been together. Don't we all want to be the "Cleavers" Its not that you want your mom and dad together, its that you want a sense of family. But understanding that family comes in all forms is key to developing that sense.
I was from a broken home...my mother remarried and honestly we were never a family in the sense of mom, dad and the kids. It was always mom and the kids, as he was either working or drunk and didn't do anything with us. Mom worked two jobs, but always made time for us. My best friend's parents were together and still are...but HATE! each other...they were both always working. Though I'd say they are closer than my family....they aren't any less dysfunctional.

Answer 3

There are different situations. My stepchildren are 13, 14, 16, & 17. I have been with their father for 10 yrs so they were young. I don't think they miss out on anything. The oldest two (both girls) have said many times that they are lucky they have 4 people who love them than some of their friends who only have 1. If their parents would have stayed together for their sake their lives would have been miserable.

If both parents love and support their children, it shouldn't matter if they are divorced or living together.

Answer 4

if that's all they have ever known, and both parents work really hard for the children, then the children isn't missing out. they missed out on the anger and frustration that caused the divorce. i'm sure some kids do realize that since their parents get along, what was the problem in the first place? it can go both ways. but good parents don't let them ponder on it for long.

Answer 5

My stepson is the tried and true to your question. His mom/dad have been divorced since he was a little over a year or so old. Has done the seperate households for over 11 yrs now, and to be honest still would love both parents together. However, at this age (12) he is using this in the action of wanting attention and uses it in arguements to take steam off the situation he placed himself in.

I myself am a child of a divorce (twice) and never in my wildest dreams did I want my mom and dad/stepdad to get back together. I seen that in both situations both parties were happier.

I believe it all depends on the mentalities of the child itself.

Answer 6

I can tell you from experience what they won't miss....all the arguments and fights and laying alone in their room crying because they think it's their fault that mom and dad are fighting again, and wishing they were never born when mom and dad start the "choose your side" game. If they grew up with the 2 home thing then they can't miss what they never had and when they see their friends families that are still together it's a different kind of feeling...more like wondering what it would have been like. Sounds like you don't have anything to worry about if both homes are warm and welcome to your children.

Answer 7

kids don't miss out or get jealous because they don't know what they are missing out on. I think the kids that have it hard are the ones that are like 12 years old and there parents split. It's all they ever knew. I never really thought of my parents being together. Actually I couldn't picture it. Well maybe because my father is gay.

Answer 8

You know, it all depends.

For me I missed out on seeing my dad beat my mom and then leave for days at a time while he was with his other women.

Never stay for the children. They will know its a sham and thats far more damaging than being the only kid with divorced parents.

Answer 9

yes, my son was 5mons old when his mother died, he is 10yrs old now and says he wishes he had a mother, kids do miss there parents

Answer 10

nope and nope