My hubby is in Iraq,and his almost home,and we have had some bad times in the past(nothing too serious),but since he is very sensetive he cant seem to get over it..its been a long time,and i have tried to makeup all that went wrong since then...ive been trying to hard to earn his trust,but he still doesnt trust me,and its soo hard becuase he is in Iraq,and he feels Very insecure at times,and he always brings the past up.What else can i do now?..I have forgave him for the past,but he just cant get over it.he is in Iraq..what can i do??? when he calls he asks too many Q's,and it makes me feel like why are we together if he cant get over the past.We have known eachother for 10 years.married for 3.Will he ever get over the past??? pls help.
2007-08-24 09:05:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No,i didnt cheat on him.
2007-08-24 09:11:55 · update #1
Whatever the issue is that he has will take time. If he is in Iraq he feels disconnected and helpless. Its hard sorting out problems when you're so far away. You will need to be patient with him. If he needs to ask you 100 times answer each time. Re-assure him that you love him and want it all to work out. That you are committed to getting his trust back. It takes two to make it work and you both have to try 100% Goodluck
2007-08-24 09:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time is all it will take to heal wounds of his heart. Sounds like there was some unfaithful things going on, but if you guys are going to move on, I would say talk to a counselor. Being that he is in Iraq, you guys must be military, they can help. Trust is the hardest thing to earn back, even after years of trying. Besides, put yourself in his shoes. Hes over there, has no idea what you're doing, so just humor him and answer all of his questions. He may still feel this way if you're not open. If you have nothing to him from him, you should be as open as a book. Good luck to you both!
2007-08-24 16:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's in Iraq. Aside from things there that occupy his mind, he knows of only the past back home. Things may have never been resolved for him before he was sent away.
2007-08-24 16:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys are going to need some tools and direction to make your marriage work especially since you're going to have to adjust to living together again very soon where even a fairly solid relationship can have a hard time readjusting.
I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...
It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.
If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...
"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).
As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."
I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.
If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!
2007-08-27 10:01:38 · answer #4 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what ever the past is ----it is the past. you need to steer the conversations with him into the present and into the future. you alone are the key to helping him look to the future. keep your conversations focused and dealing in the present and looking to the future, if you find his mind wondering to the past then grab his attention and get him to focus on the now and into the future. he is the one with the struggle but you are the one with the key to the future. good god woman he is in iraq!!! do what you need to do to give him something to come live for.
2007-08-24 16:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by WORKING OLDER SMARTER BLONDE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A troll is a troll is a troll is a troll. Are you sure he is not in Afghanistan? Because if he is, he is not in Iraq. If he is in the army now he's not that sensitive. How dare you make an army man out to be a wimp?
2007-08-24 16:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by Orv 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you cheat on him?
Because if you did that is a HARD one to let go.
He sounds like he may not ever let it go.
Support him during this VERY difficult time for him.
Good luck.
2007-08-24 16:08:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my husband is deployed as well and i have serious trust issues with him because of our past. from my point of view there isnt much that can be done while your husband is away. be consistent and stable with him. to me its a good thing it takes him a while to trust you again. it shows he takes things very serious and loves you. maybe you can see it that way.
2007-08-24 16:21:35 · answer #8 · answered by not this way 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on what u did, once trust is gone, its very ,very hard to get back, thats the price people have to pay when they do things that causes people to lose trust in them. good luck
2007-08-24 16:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what he is trying to get over. If you cheated on him he may never forget that.
2007-08-24 16:12:24 · answer #10 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋