I am torn and just don't know how to handle this.
I was drunk and this guy friend of mine who knows my fiance and I are on the rocks kissed me. I kissed him back. Normally if I heard this I would think of myself as a cheating whore but I also feel my fiance pushed me to this. He keeps lying to me and treating me horrible. I asked him to move out of my apartment and he won't. We fight constantly but I am VERY forgving and keep taking him back everytime he messes up (to the best of my knowledge he has not cheated on me) The day I kissed someone else I came home from work and found my fiance' pilled up and passed out. I couldn't handle it I flipped out and went out with my friends, this is when the kiss occured. I feel really horrible and guilty but then again I really don't think my fiance cares about me anymore he barely talks to me, he is always high (which kills me) He says such nasty stuff to me and I fear he will overdose I cry myself to sleep like 3 times a week.
2007-08-24 08:38:27 · 16 answers · asked by mussanon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know I need to leave him but I can't I feel to guilty. He has no one and nothing without me, I know he has done it to himself but after 5 years I cant just turn my back. I can't lie it felt really good to have someone want me and talk nice to me.
2007-08-24 08:40:01 · update #1
Leave him unless and or until he gets sober and into recovery for several years. In the meantime, before you do anything else, go to an al-anon meeting and find a sponsor.
You are going to need to do some real serious work on yourself before you will ever be truly happy.
2007-08-24 08:45:28 · answer #1 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating is not excusable. Yes, u have excuses, but it's not excusable. Sure, stuff happened. and I thin this is a sign that u need to break up with ur fiance' better now than when ur married and have kids. Hes' a danger now. So it's better to bail. Guilt will disappear, and u'll realize u deserve better. I"ve been in the same boat as u. But I was actually told I can do better, and deserve better. So, I was forced to do just that, and I did. U'll be glad when u do. Just pray, and wish him the best. Once u leave, he'll look for someone else, but atleast he won't chip away at ur self esteem, and apparently ur heart isn't willing to let u be faithful and do that, so u cheated. Take this as a sign, and get out. Best of luck to u.
2007-08-24 08:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your way of getting out. This is your way of escaping and if you stay, the more and more likely you are to do this again and go further. Don't blame him for your reason to stay- get out while you can and respect the value of a good relationship.You are already done and feel to bad to leave. You need to get out before you making a huge commitment that is too hard to turn around or worse, you loose yourself. Five years too late is better then never or five plus one more day.
2007-08-24 08:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by Grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think first what you are doing to yourself. He comes second an not first.
You are not doing him a favor by forgiving him. You are encouraging him to lie, fight, treat you horribly, and to mess up. Getting rid of him will in the long run benefit both of you.
Your "cheating" is really an indication that you are ready to move on. Move quickly decisively and without guilt.
2007-08-24 08:47:42 · answer #4 · answered by DrIG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is simply too short to spend it with someone you are not happy with. I think it was wrong of you to kiss this friend, however I think you need to get out of your relationship, it does not sound like either of you are happy. Then when you get out maybe you can start talking to this friend but until then you are involved in a relationship so despite your reasoning behind cheating, it is still cheating.
Remember though your only going to live once, for both you and your fiance's sake if your really not happy, and he really is not going anywhere, and he is really mean to you, why on earth continue being unhappy? you said yourself that kiss felt really good.
I dunno, just my thoughts.
2007-08-24 08:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by crysent 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as hard as it seems, you have to leave him. i hope i don't sound heartless, but you have to do whats in YOUR best interests. i know a sertain female friend of mine that was actually involved in a really bad marriage, the guy drank by the gallon, and she left him. she DID feel sorry for him, he was a rather hopeless case too. but the way she explained it, you have to just accept that you current significant other will never change, and even if he does, YOUR not a part of his realizations.
i guess if you really wanted to help him you would have to be one of the reasons he changes, thats a challenge though, and i would say it takes a seriously strong person do to (not that i'm qualified to judge anyone, or even share this kind of information). I just thought i would insert my two pennies here...
2007-08-24 08:45:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a doormat!! He will be fine he knows he can ill treat you come on it's been 5 yrs come on move on and you said it yourself it felt good to be wanted. If you wanna save this go to a couples therapist to work through your issues otherwise cut your loses and move on before you store anymore resentment up and it makes you bitter and you get more and more bitter with each passing day and your life is passing you by
2007-08-24 08:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by passionquill 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont give yourself any more excuses to stay in the relationship.. GET OUT! we all need to grow as individuals and this is only leaving you empty and the same for your partner. It's hard to adjust sometimes but the sooner you do this the sooner you can grow again as a maturing adult.
2007-08-24 08:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by ~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not helping him and you're definitely not helping you. Stick with him if you want to be a martyr, but you know how martyrs end up. You might want to find out why you're so desperate to sacrifice yourself, too. Doesn't sound too healthy. The first step, though, if you want to sort your life out, is to get this guy out of it. He's not going to sort himself out, and it sure doesn't sound like he wants your help. It's your apartment, you have the legal right to boot him. Do your parents have a lawyer you can talk to to help you get it done?
2007-08-24 08:51:18 · answer #9 · answered by John R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with yourself about why you are engaged to this guy. There's not much you can do with an addict and this sounds like as good of a time to bail as any.
If he OD's that's his problem; the result of his actions, not yours.
2007-08-24 08:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋