Counsellors/therapists and being attached?

Question

Hi,

why is it that when you are going for counselling people encourgae you to have good relationship with the person, to open up to thm ect but make you feel like crap when you say you are attached to them!
i have to give up my counsellor soon...due to the service she works for and its killing me, i feel let down and broke into a million pieces. I am sorry if thats over dramatic. I do have people in my life that i can talk to but not the same.

Has anyone else experienced this?

xxx

i want to also add, she is aware of this but it doesn't change the fact she can't keep me on. I am at a point now where i just don't want to go back to counselling with anyone because i can't stick opening up and for that person to continuously disappear. its happened before with someone(non professional) and I cannot believe i have allowed it to happen again!

Answer 1

Dear SH2007,

I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in a situation where you and your counsellor have to part company. I'm also sorry that you've so far received responses from people who obviously have no idea how counselling works.

Yes, it's true that you do need to build a good relationship with your counsellor in order for you to get the best from each of you. This allows for what is called 'reflection', where you can bounce back and forth things that you have told each other.

If you do develop a good working relationship you are more likely to 'give of yourself'. i.e., you are more likely to tell the full story, as you see it, of why you need counselling. The main point here is that it is a 'working' relationship. Unfortunately, with some people it goes deeper than a working relationship ... at least, from the client's perspective it does. Anything more than a working relationship goes against all codes of conduct, and should be discouraged.

I, personally, don't believe that you're being over dramatic. I know just how much it can hurt. It's like losing a close friend. Sadly, that's one of the facts of life. Friends will come and friends will go. (From reading between the lines of what you've actually said, I'd hazard a guess that you find it difficult to get close to people. That's not a criticism in any way, shape, or form. It's simply an observation.) The best thing for you, in my humble opinion, is to let it go. From what you say, it seems that there's little either of you can do about it.

Sadly, if there exists the need for you to see a counsellor, you are going to, basically, go through this relationship building again. I appreciate that it's easy for me, as an outsider, who knows absolutely nothing of your situation or your needs to say this, but I honestly believe that it's the only way.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. If you do feel that you need to speak to someone, and am willing to speak to me, click on my avatar/photograph and send me an email.

Best of luck, in whatever you decide.

Answer 2

It isn't dramatic at all. When you find a good doctor (which is hard) you get attached. I saw someone for around 12 years. He died this past May. It had been a round four months since I'd last seen him. He helped me through a terrible marriage that finally ended in April. When I called to make an appt. to tell him that I'd finally found the courage to leave they told me he was gone. I cried like a baby. He was like a father to me. You shouldn't feel silly. When you open yourself up, establish trust, and see positive results in yourself the person responsible matters a great deal.

Answer 3

Is it the counselling ot the counsellor you rely on ? Most people seek couselling as they need friendship, a good counsellor, should be able to listen to your woes/worries etc, then gentley suggest ways whereby you can make changes to your life and or lifestyle, thereby giving you the new found confidence to start & cope , and enjoy life. Good luck anyway, Christian (Professional Stress Counsellor m.a.s.c)

Answer 4

yes and no its a funny thing with so many relationships being like this, a friend who is out side of our network of friends some one we can unload our troubles to and will listen without judging us (although they do as a profession). we are encouraged to open up to councillors so we can release our troubles but has the complication of this relationship for the councillor is a job. councillors are not the same as they don't give advise like friends do they allow us to make the decisions. the best thing i think you can do is take your experiences with the councillor and move on if you are not going to see anyone else. you will feel better go for a morning stroll and count chimney pots concentrate on living and focus your energies into something like your job art or whatever else you like

Answer 5

A Counsellor is there to help you through a bad period, she cannot be your 'friend' because it is her job, but there is the human factor and a bond is formed. You will feel this way initially and later on you will see it as a learning experience. Learn, move on and grow! Good luck,

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear about that. It is the way they are trained not to be emotionally involved with their clients. Its sucks really, but that how this things work. The only thing you just have to tell yourself is, you are just going to see that person to off load your troubles and hope that as they are professionals they will maintain confidentiality and nothing more.

The main thing concentrate on getting better.

Answer 7

I went far previous being related to an area Psychiatric Nurse I had some years in the past. I fell thoroughly in love along with her. i could no longer celebrate with it on the time in spite of the indisputable fact that it prevented me from getting extra advantageous and made me plenty extra depressed and nearer to suicide than I have been in the previous. while she left i became genuinely devastated and it took me a pair of three hundred and sixty 5 days to recover from it. when I had have been given over it I slowly yet certainly greater. regrettably, it has stopped me from completely enticing with the psychological well-being experts i've got subsequently seen out of an apprehension if it happening returned. It has additionally made me particularly careful of forming any form of close courting with everybody. i think of that in case you're in a concern of almost entire social isolation and all at as quickly as you have somebody who's listening to all your problems, it confusing to no longer variety some reliable emotional attachment to them. incredibly in case you're in any way vulberable. besides the fact that the learning I had along with her coming to an end became rather painful, it became mandatory for me to get extra advantageous. If i became nonetheless seeing her now there is now way i ought to have greater.

Answer 8

It's time to trust yourself that you can get through anything by believing you have everything you need to help yourself,
no-one knows you better than you and no-one knows how to help yourself better than you.

I have been to a place inside myself that i created by doubting myself,
i turned to a few members of family and of course my husband however although they meant well and did their best to help i still felt like i wasn't getting what i needed and felt lonely.
I realised only i could change the way i felt by believing in myself and working through a lot of things by myself, i am still in this process but i don't feel as lonely and i have a better understanding of who i am, i am trusting myself more and accepting myself as well as taking responsibility for my actions and feelings - this is my greatest source of comfort and what i need.

Answer 9

counselors suck. I talked to one before and she was like, "Oh, read this book" and blah blah blah

They get easy money by telling people their opinions. Even I can become a counselor if that's so...LOL

Answer 10

Counselors are parasites.