Not letting my son spend the week with his father????

Question

My ex hasn't paid child support in 4 years. Two weeks ago I let my son spend a week with him. Now he says he wants another week. I told him "no".

He spends almost every weekend with his dad. Am I wrong for saying no?

I don't like his dad AT ALL, twice he's taken me to court for custody only to drop it at the last moment. Last time he accused me of being a drug addict. It cost me $9,000.00 to get my son back. I don't like him spending too much time with his dad because he comes back rude and unruly and it takes a few days to get him back into our routine.

Our son is four btw.

I have care and control with reasonable access for the father.

I could take him to court but he would just go to jail and I am having a hard time resigning myself to doing that.

where does it state I don't let my son see his dad. He sees him almost every weekend and he just spent a week with him two weeks ago?

did ANYONE read the bloody question.

Answer 1

This is SO hard, cause you never want to keep your child from seeing their dad.
Not liking him, I'm afraid is not enough of an excuse to decline your child his right to see his father.
HOWEVER- Since the dead beat has not been paying child support, I'd be concerned about the child's welfare while in his custody.
I'd be speaking to a lawyer to ensure a court order was in place for support. And while you don't like him, do everything you can to work with him. Let him know that you want to be able to let you child stay with him, but explain the kind of behaviour your son displays when he is returned to you. Your ex may not even know, and may be appalled himself. If you can somehow work with this guy- it will be a pride swallowing experience- but perhaps you both may come to an understanding and your son will be able to enjoy both parents.
Additional Info:
Yes I read the question. Yes I know you let him see his dad. My answer is in response to you trying to control when and how often. If you have complete control, and you don`t think another week is wise, then say no.
But don`t complain that he doesn`t pay, if you don`t exercise your rights. Sounds like he is the one calling the shots...

Answer 2

Wow divorce is hard. If dad is an unfit parent (doing drugs,abusive, watching porn with the kid, etc.) do not send your son there. If the custody agreement states weekend only stand by that. Remember that your son being 4 years old he is testing you and your X. He will want to stay where he gets what he wants. Kids learn early how to work parents against each other. He will grow out of this at some point. Try to be consistent with rules and consequences for actions. A good father figure is also a must. I hope grad pa or uncle can help you with this. Always remember that you are the parent and you know best. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

If you have sole custody, you make the decisions about when your ex can see your son. And with school coming back in a few weeks, it's important to re-establish the school routine -- early bed, early wake up, all that. So I would say long visits are right out.

If he has specific visitation rights, then of course you have to follow those, but only to the letter, you have no obligation past what's required. And if he's not agreeing with you about how to raise/handle/discipline your child, that could be a huge problem in the future. Work with your lawyer on this, because it's not a problem that's going to go away.

Answer 4

It doesn't matter if you like this man or not. He is your son's father and your son has a right to know him. Child support and child visitation are two separate issues. Go to court to work it out. Don't put your son in the middle of it by denying him the right to see his dad. My children would visit their father and come back the same way as your son. That is because they got their way and were spoiled because dad didn't have the day to day responsibilities that I had. However, they both grew up to be fine adults. They know right from wrong and they respect me a lot more because they did see that I raised them and their dad only had "visitation".

Answer 5

Here is the rub. No matter how much you hate your sons dad you need to ignore your feelings. You hate the way your son is when he comes back, that's just part of the process. Your son will take on traits you see in your ex just like he'll take on traits from you. As long as your ex is not doing anything to endanger your son then you have no basis to poison their relationship. I'm 100% on board with you on going back to courts over and over. My first wife has done that to me about 5 times now. I can't stand the woman but I never let that affect my choices when it comes to our daughter. I know the child support thing also chaps your *** but the standard idea is to not put your child in the middle. Stopping visits because of past due support is using your child as a barganing chip. Definatly a no no.

Answer 6

You have to go by your visitation order regardless of what you “want”….the only time you can refuse custody is “if” you feel your child would be in danger with your ex and you would have to prove it! I’ve refused custody before, because my ex had been drinking and the cops came and said that I was in the right not to allow it. You have to prove that your ex is a danger to your son…if he is, hire a P.I. to watch him a while. But if it’s just the fact that you don’t like him…well, that’s different….I’m sure that your son loves his daddy and wants to spend time with his daddy…and if he’s a good daddy he should. But if he’s not then it’s your responsibility to show that and protect your son. As for the child support goes…turn him in and he’ll be arrested! Or go to the courthouse and file child support enforcement papers with the court and they’ll start taking his paychecks and tax returns. There’s a lot of options to get child support payments, there just a pain in the but….it’s worth it though. Good luck!

Answer 7

Regardless if you LIKE your ex-husband or not he's still the father of you son... If you ex wants to see him he DOES have that right.. However, you are the parents and you need to teach your 4 yr. old respect for his parents.. So, you need to have a chat with your ex about your son's behavior when he returns from his visitaiton with him... Maybe between the 2 of you can figure out a good solution.. Also, approach your ex. about his NOT paying child support and if possible try to work that out as well or you may have to resort to the court system... Try to at least get along in front of your son, children can pick up on hostility and they will use it against you to get what they want.. Even at 4 yrs. old.. Good luck

Answer 8

Whether or not he pays child support, he is still your son's father and and hard as it is, you need to let him spend time with his dad - unless of course there's abuse or neglect going on. As your son gets older he will begin to see that his dad is a deadbeat, but he will resent you if you try to keep them apart. At the age of 4 a week away from Mom is a long time though, maybe you and his dad could compromise. I know, you're the one making alll the compromises up to this point, but taking the high road will pay off one day.

Answer 9

I would look into getting a lawyer and see what grounds you stand on doing that will also protect you and your son you don't want the Man to kidnap him so get the law involved soon. It sounds like when you don't comply to his demands he is going to be mean .Another reason it needs to be set up in court visitation and get that Child support in effect.They have ways now that they can get the Men to pay up. For example I knew some one that when they did work it could atomactic be taken from them and if they do get behind they will also take away their right to drive revolk their licence.

Answer 10

support and visitation are two separate issues.

for visitation, go by what the court order states and no more. for a child this young, it is best you stick to the rountine as much as possible. children over 10 are better capable of handling a difference in a daily schedule much better then a child of 4. it's in the child's best interest to keep a strict daily routine. those younger years are the most impressionable.