My husband plays an online game with a woman and I keep getting jealous...help?

Question

My husband regularly plays an online RPG (WoW, to be more specific). He plays frequently plays with a woman who lives across the country from us…they’re “leveling buddies”. My husband is a great guy, and he’s very open with their relationship (for example, I can go to the computer any time and read what they are chatting about), but it still kind of bothers me. I just have this fear in the back of my head that they will develop a strong bond, and then feelings for each other may become more than platonic. I’m not sure if I am being overly controlling or paranoid, I wouldn’t put it past myself….I just have such mixed emotions because I always hear about online romances and stuff like that. Do you think that I have cause for concern, or should I just let him be? I’m jealous by nature, so I really make an effort to not over react to things, but my head is just so confused with this one. I just need an outside opinion. Help?

Wow, some people are so mean. You know nothing about me other than what I wrote in this paragraph, so please, be easy on the judgments.

Answer 1

Is this "friendship" cutting into your time together? Does he abstain from playing when she's NOT available? Does he neglect you when she IS available at unusual times? Does he change his plans based on her availability (i.e. you WERE going to go to a movie or something, but she e-mailed and said she could play unexpectedly, so he blows you off)?

If the answer to any of this is YES, then your husband may be developing an unhealthy bond with this person, and perhaps he needs to "cool it" for a while with her until he gets his priorities straight.

Of course, you may just want to get another computer and set up your OWN WoW account, so YOU can be his personal "gaming buddy."

(As an aside note - are you sure it's a "her?" Have they ever met? On the internet, you never know....)

Answer 2

Ok, for one thing WoW is crazy addictive in it's self. My boyfriend plays it at least 20 hours a week - if not more. And while he plays he communicates with both guys and girls regularly, it's all just nerd realted talk and idol chit chat and jokes. He even has teamspeak so he doesn't have to type and he can just talk to everyone through his headphones.

Since your husband is open about it i don't think you have anything to worry about. Plus - are you even sure she is a she? Just because the character is female, it doesn't mean that the person behind the computer is female too. Having a "friend" on WoW is extremely helpful in the game because alot of the "quests" require multiple players to complete. Quests are labled by difficulty green (easy) yellow (medium) and red (hard) the more dificult the quest the more experience you gain and the quicker you level. WHen a quest is red it is usually impossible for someone to do themselves, so having a partner helps you to gain more exp and level up quicker, and eveyone who plays WoW is always trying to reach level 70 fast.

My suggestion is to get another account on another computer, create a character on the same server as your husband and you two can play together. He can help you level quickly and then you two, or three, can do quests together... Oddly, alot of people do that - parents and thier kids etc. You may enjoy it. I thought it was a stupid waste of time game until I made a character and i actually found it to be fun, if not addictive.

Answer 3

I'm a female wow player. All the girl gamers I know play the game because they enjoy playing the game, not as a dating service. I play with guys all the time, because there are more guys playing then girls, it's unavoidable.
If you trust your husband, then there's really no problem.
Really I don't think you have any concern about him running off with her at all. I think your jealousy is rooted in the fact that the two of them have something they can share that they both enjoy so much. Wow can be a really time consuming game, he might sit there for 2 hours or more playing with her and you feel left out. Do the two of you have an interest like that?

If you haven't played the game, maybe you should give it a try. Me and my boyfriend play together and we have a lot of fun.

Answer 4

Hi

your feelings are only natural my hubby used to play cards online with a woman, the worst thing you can do is let him know you are worried as the thought of having anything more than games fun may not of even entered his head.

Try looking at it this way how do you knwo that the lady isnt 70 years old or disabled etc you never know who or what is at the other end the chances of this other person being a model lookalike are very slim hunny.

Try slowley to get you husband attention away from playing games online without him knowing if it worries you .

Having a wife whos so easy going and allows him to have a little fredom will only make him love you more than a wife who is non trusting and breathes down his neck ( not that you are ) this only pushes them away as men dont like feeling watched.

you sound like a good wife and i bet your hubby would never dream of doing anything other than passing time by chilling playing a few online games try to relax

i wish you well
take care x

Answer 5

I can see how it would be bothersome for you, but since he is open with there chatting log, go ahead & keep checking in on it & make sure the convo never gets too personal & watch to see if your husband changes his behavior, if he is still being open with everything, let him be. Otherwise, when things start to change (he getting on comp w/o you around a lot) you'll notice then you can bring up your feelings about the whole situation. Also propose to do more things together so he'll have less time on the comp. Good luck!

Answer 6

Seems you and your husband don't spend much time on mutual interests.

I don't think there's anything to worry about unless he starts spending more and more time on this. If it is a scheduled thing that lasts for approx the same amount of time then it sounds pretty harmless. If he starts acting strange when you come in the room then something may be going on albeit just flirting. If you've always been able to trust him then you should give him the BOTD.

If you are that worried then become more involved with his hobbies. Try to learn them so you can participate.

Answer 7

I think you're being a bit paranoid. It's a game. Online, but still a game. He's open and honest about everything and anything.
You are lucky to have such an open and honest hubby. Let him do what he enjoys. Hell, it could be worse, he could get more than platonic with a guy leveling buddy, and hide that, lol.

Answer 8

I have the same situation in reverse. I'm the one with an opposite-gender friend in WoW. But my husband isn't jealous. He can read what we type, he can join in whenever he wants, nothing is at all secret.

I think you should start playing WoW too. Then you're sharing the time and space with him, and don't have to worry at all about the other female, because you're right there too. If you're not going to join him in the game, then at least be grateful that he's completely above-board in sharing conversations with you, and is going to lengths to show you that you don't have to be jealous.

Talk to him. Tell him that you see she's not a threat to your relationship, but that you DO want his time and attention. See what you can come up with.

Answer 9

If you think you're husband may be cyber-cheating on you then you have more problems with your marriage than him playing online games.

Do you believe that your marriage is not strong enough to withstand him having outside female friends? Or you having male friends?

Let's be realistic hon... If you can't trust him to play online games, how can you trust him at all??? And if you can't trust him that far, why did you marry him?

And lastly, If his head can be turned on his marriage by a online romance, do you really want to be married to him anyway?

Think about it. Marriage is based on trust. You either trust him or you don't. The online friend has nothing to do with it, It's you...

Answer 10

Since you are asking the question you already realize that maybe you are overreacting. Which you are, you are worrying about something that has an extremely low likelihood of happening. Stop worrying and be glad your husband has an interest that keeps him home unlike so many husbands. The fact that he doesn't try to hide their conversations says there is nothing to hide, so put your fears to rest.