I want to know if your marriage is still the same since your first years together? Or was your first couple of years were ruff living with each other and later charged for the better?
The reason I want to know is because I've been married over an 1yr and I feel that we have an distanced between each other. We don't communicate as much, he also neglect me and, don't bother taking me out but when it comes to friends he doesn't hesitate to say no.
Is this normal for being a newly wed? FYI he was in the army and done 2 tours in Iraq and I can say mental he is not all there. But at the same time I can't compare being g/f and b/f and being married because they are both different. Because, I don't know if I can continue this marriage if I don't have the love from my husband.
2007-08-24 05:50:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to him but it always leads to an argument. But when I do talk to him ...his response is "well if you want an divorce...it's up to you" or "once I have enough money i'll take you home". So communication to him is not thing.
2007-08-24 06:10:35 · update #1
The best thing is to talk to him and let him know how you feel. I have been married 6 months now. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the back burner and his friends are more important. So, I schedule us dates. I also talk to him about it and tell him "my cup is low" (which means, I need his attention). I've noticed with my husband that he has gotten even more comfortable with our relationship since we've gotten married. It's like he thinks that because we're married, that's enough attention for me so he should have more time with friends. The best suggestion is to talk, communicate, be open with each other, share your feelings. He may not know how important this is to you or exactly how you feel.
The MOST important thing all women need to know is BOYS ARE STUPID!!! They DON'T take subtle hints and no matter how long we are with them THEY CAN'T READ OUR MINDS (lame, I know... they should be able to). We have to be straight forward with them for them to get it. Marriage doesn't make things easier. It's a continuing learning and growing process for the both of you. TALK TO HIM!
2007-08-24 06:00:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shall know them by their fruit. Actions speak louder than words. You have acknowledged the warning signs. It is good that you are questioning whether you should continue in this relationship. I would say you two are unequally yoked. If you are serious about your faith, then your future husband should be considered the head of the family (as much as we women don't like that). And if he does not take the reins of spirituality in your family, then your family will not grow in God and will be out of balance. It's a lonely journey for the wife to pursue God on her own. And it is likely to get worse once you're married (I know this from personal experience). As a Christian woman, it is an excellent idea to require in a future husband a man who is willing to pray with you. This demonstrates a humble, godly attitude and a spirit of intimacy that is really important in a marriage relationship. If you can pray together, then your marriage has a much better chance at succeeding. It is always more difficult to do the right thing than the wrong thing. But it always pays off in the end. Sometimes you have to give up what appears to be good in order to be available to receive the best. I would at the VERY least put the engagement on hold. I would also seek counsel from a mature Christian who has demonstrated wisdom to you. I agree with other respondents that it is not wise to seek advice off the internet for something this important. Obviously, you received some unsolicited answers even though you asked for sound Christian advice. You don't know any of us. Please be careful whose advice you take in life. If they're in the Word and growing closer to God, then those people would be worth listening to. May God reveal Himself to you in a special way!
2016-05-17 05:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have been married for 4yrs this Aug and I can tell you now it has been a big life experience! This is my first marriage his 3rd. For the first 1 it was great, after the baby was born and I put on alittle weight (40lbs) it went down hill. We seperated for 3 months and got our lives back on track. Since the seperation its like he is a new person. We plan family activities (which we never did our first 2 yrs) We go to the beach, we have picnics, we enjoy each other for the first time in years. My hubby is army also and it tends to put more stress on the marriage. I am learning how to become that "army wife" and there is stuff I still dont know after 4yrs lol. Seek a marriage help, I did and it did help alittle.
Good LUck!
2007-08-24 06:01:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might not be adjusting to civilian life after living with the brotherhood of men. As we always say on here, talk to him.
Usually the first year or more are easier than future years, because in future years kids and work issues can get larger and stress the marriage. Plus, things you put up with at first, start bothering you when under stress.
So, you need to find out what is going on. He may still love you but is not aware of how his actions are affecting you. When you say he neglects you, you sound very young. He has a more independent lifestyle right now and there is a mismatch. Yet for him the love might still be there.
2007-08-24 05:58:21 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me honey that you all may need counseling! Only the lord knows what he went through over there but at the same time that is no exuse for the neglect. Sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel because he can't read your mind trust me.....Hopefully you all can work it out because marriage is a beautiful thing and I know you love him or you would not have married him so express how you feel and good luck!!
2007-08-24 10:00:39 · answer #5 · answered by Flyyasever 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say give it time, it took me awhile, about 6-8 months to really get back to being myself after my last tour, of course I've been through it before so it wasn't as bad. My wife said the same thing as you, she was constantly complaining that all I wanted to do was fish and be by myself or with my buddies when I got back. He's probably still stressed out and doesn't want to talk about things yet and will probably never want to, he's still in what I call the unwinding phase. I still don't talk about my experiences overseas with my wife or kids. I want to keep that part of my life completely seperate from the other.
2007-08-24 06:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by smf_hi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if ya want to keep him, ya better rein him in......ya we went through that the first couple of years...and she told me...she was not going to life a life like " leave it to beave " for this was not the 50's and she was not my momma...well, we worked at it...and 12 years later, we are still married....hope this helps
2007-08-24 06:08:41 · answer #7 · answered by bubba gumps light 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I AM SAME FROM MY SIDE BUT HE CHANGED. THAT'S WHAT CHANGES INTO DIVORCE
2007-08-24 05:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by baby doll 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋