Am I being selfish to want more?

Question

I've been with my husband for 14 years (married for 4 yrs). He's a couple of years older so at 15 I was so excited an older guy actually liked me. I've grown over the years and have always wanted to do more, like work in another province/country (which I never did because it felt wrong to leave him), and I've always liked doing my own thing. He knew this going into the relationship and he always embraced it. Now, the next logical step is children, so we tried for a couple of months. But I went on a trip (alone) recently, that just enlightened me and now I'm not sure I'm ready (I'm 30) b/c I want to do more. And now he's not happy with this me. Now I'm wondering if I'm just meant to be single. That maybe I got into the marriage b/c it seemed like the next logical step and that I married him because my family and friends all felt that I was lucky to have him and not because I actually loved him. This just isn't fair to him if I'm feeling this way. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

don't have children until you are totally CONSUMED with wanting them. You need to be ready to fully sacrifice yourself for them. And read the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert -- it may hold some answers for you. And then follow your instinct.

Answer 2

I feel that a lot of younger people and i am including people of the age 30 and below to this date, are having debates among themselves. The world has evolved so much within the past half a century. Women are more empowered and at the same time mislead and manipulated. I'm not saying that you were neither, i'm just saying that it's a new day in age. Growing up beside someone probably gave you a sence of security to know that you will always have someone there for you. The feeling of being alone in the world probably never crossed your mind or deeply stuck your heart. Yes there are things out there in the world to do. If ya'll are really close and meant to be, you could do things together or not sacrificing your marriage, but putting things on hold for a quick minute. You are still very yound in my opinion and could still do a lot more but just sit and think and realize what you want out of life and conclude what you feel is in front of the both of you. Never regret what you have done for it will eat inside of you forever and ever. Be glad with the things that the lord has shown you and be grateful you are where you are now in life. Think about it, things could be a whole lot worse and then again things can always be better. Take a step back and re-evaluate what you are doing. Good luck with everything

Answer 3

It is hard for another spouse to see changes in the one they love. You married without doing all these things, so this in itself has to be scary for him. He's probably scared that you will want out to do things without him. Reassure him of the love you have for him and that you want to do these things as a couple. You were young when you two got together, so now your wanting to spread out and see what the world offers, no harm at all in this, just always make your husband a part of this new world of yours. Talk and talk more if you have to with him, make him know how much you love him. Good luck Would like to add if your not sure about loving him the way a wife should, don't be in such a rush to throw the marriage away. Working as a team can bring you two closer, if after all this and you still want more than him, search your heart and see what it is exactly you want out of life. If you see yourself without him and that doesn't made you sad, than leave so he can heal and find someone to love.

Answer 4

I think you have to be honest with him and lay out all your cards on the table. Once you bring children into a marriage, the whole thing is much more complex and painful. You are being self centered by assuming that he knew this when you got together, or maybe he just hoped you would change as you got older and wiser. I don't blame you for wanting to be independent, but not with a husband and much less with kids.
You need to weight what is more important to you.
Your husband is in for a rude awakening.
Good luck to both of you.

Answer 5

If you recently went on a trip alone that could have a lot to do with it, especially if you went to places where men hit on you. I'm not saying this happened in your situation, but a different man can make you feel special, even feel like you've not done all you wanted to. If you don't want children wait & make sure to do the things you want to do with your spouse. If you leave your spouse remember the grass is not always greeener.

Answer 6

Sit down and talk to your husband. If you've known each other for that long you know how to talk it over. Let him give you some ideas that maybe going through his mind at the same time even though he has never said anything. You never know what he is thinking. If you bring up a win-win situation instead of I want and you don't get, things would be much easier.

Answer 7

You do what you feel is best for you regardless of what your family or friends think. They are not living your life. You might try talking to him and telling him what it is you want. Let him know that you are not ready for children because you feel there is more to do in life right now. At least then you both will know for sure how the other feels and you can make informed choices.

Answer 8

Communicate. If you guys don't really love each other or have very different long range plans, by all means, don't bring a child into the relationship.. That's so unfair. You guys decide what is right for you. If he doesn't want or need the desires you have in life now, even tho you took vows, you better re-negotiate....

Answer 9

wow, together since u were 15. honey if u dont feel right about ur marriage, u need to let him know whats going on. it wouldnt be fair for him to be with you and u wanting to be somewhere else.
you know being alone has its pro's and con's. it will eventually hit u that u really want to be with and it will probably be too late.
let him know how u feel, maybe you still need time to enjoy each other before u take such a drastic step

Answer 10

Wow you have been with him since you were 15, that is tough, you really didn't get a chance to grow up and figure out who you are as an individual. You too need to sit down and talk about things.