Rita has been married for 12 years, straight out of college. problem is they have not had sex in 7 years and he is verbally abusive and does not want to go for councelling. She wants a divorce and he does not. but she is a christian and they have a child together. she is really unhappy and does not think she can go on with the marriage anymore. Her family wants her to carry her cross gracefully .Did I mention she is only 35.
2007-08-24 04:48:57 · 33 answers · asked by Zimba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry to hear that your friend is going through this. It is one thing to be in a bad relationship and another not to get support from your family. I think she should go get out of the relationship before she looses herself. She needs to go for counseling, get direction and build up her life again.
I wish her Gods love and protection.
2007-08-24 04:58:06 · answer #1 · answered by 007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hie its sad 2 hear this kind of situation; I even have the same scenario with my cousin sister, she also going through rough time.
Of course Bible does not allow divorce, because it’s stated "what God unite men shall not part" which means its wrong to divorce.
But then it’s hard to say because once a person who has undergone abuse in one way or the other will not think about getting back together. If they get back to gather due to unforeseen circumstances, the thought that they were abused will not be forgotten.
And if they live for the sake of the child it’s even worse because both husband and wife will argue in some cases due to any thing that comes in mind. So what happen when this child in between, this child will be very much troubled when both parents will be arguing. Look at the situation where the child will be brought up!!
In directly they child will be also trouble and the child will have the tendency to do as what the parents are doing in future.
I know a couple who have consulted our Parish priest and seek for advice. By gods grace they are back happily together. This is one “shoot” they can try; the best is seeking advice from their Priest who got them married I am sure he can help.
2007-08-24 06:21:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jerry_Wanted 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see if I have this straight. Your 35 year old friend has not had sex with her husband for 7 years. So from 28 years old to 35 years old, the years that a woman finally learns to really get the most out of a meaningful sexual relationship, your friend has been denied the loving, fulfilling sexual relationship that a good (Christian or not) husband is supposed to be part of. And her parents feel that she should "bear her cross" gracefully.
OK...first, her parents are as dumb and insensitive as a bag of hammers. With that viewpoint it is somewhat surprising that your friend was ever conceived in the first place!
That your friend has lived with this for 7 years, and with her husband being abusive besides, is nothing short of miraculous! It would seem she has born this cross long enough.
Here's the thing: Her husband has not gone 7 years without sex. He has either been having affairs with other women, or with men, (hey it happens) but definitely with someone.
I would guess that it would be very easy to have him followed, preferably by a professional private investigator, to confirm his infidelities. That will cover the Bible's point of view.(see Matthew 19:9)
Tell her to make the move NOW. Those next 10 years of her life should be better.
2007-08-24 05:14:29 · answer #3 · answered by nevit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he's abusive, she has reason. Does everyone want the child to grow up and become the same way? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...it'll be a never ending cycle. Carrying the cross gracefully is alot easier said than done. Tell the family to carry it for her. Jeez.
2007-08-24 05:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and Rita need to pray for her husband daily, that he will break free of the person he is and become the person that God wants him to be.
God hates to see any of his children suffer, but he hates even more to see his children not join him in Heaven.
If he's not open to counseling, then maybe he would benefit from a DVD series called Men's Fraternity, conducted by Pastor Robert Lewis. Our church recently went through it, and it changed my life dramatically. I understand the biblical definition of manhood better now that I ever have, and what Rita's husband is doing in that relationship is not what God had planned for them when he sanctioned their marriage.
Prayer and gaining knowledge are the only solutions to this problem.
The reason why the bible recommends that believers stay married to unbelieving spouses is because they will have the most influence in the unbeliever's life, increasing the chances that they will come to their own personal relationship with God.
I'll pray for Rita and her marriage. God bless.
2007-08-24 05:01:51 · answer #5 · answered by samans442 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does say in the Bible that God does not like divorce unless one or the other has committed adultery. What God has brought together, the devil cannot break apart.....He can try & try for the longest & it may seem like he's won, but God says different....God lets us go through things to see where our hearts are at & how much faith we have. The devil has his demons everywhere to do destructions in this world...& he's attacking the Christians more cuz we've either have fallen from the Word & he knows where to attack...
All we can do is get deep into the Word & pray & fast...Let God show u the way.
I need to do that myself, cuz the devil's been tryin' his hardest to separate my husband & I.....Especially since we got married & next weekend will be our 2 yr. ann. He knows my weakness & that's losin' my husband & daughter....I thank the Lord each day, even when I am weak & havin' doubts, He lifts me up & let's me know that the DEVIL WILL NEVER WIN!!!!
2007-08-24 05:55:53 · answer #6 · answered by mz_noneya_biz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, you don't advise, you support. That and that alone is all you need to add to this poor woman's life. It is a shame in this day and age that religion can still be used so coercively so as to inflict misery on someone by forcing a bad agreement to be maintained (ie this marriage). What did this woman do that she deserves this treatment...probably nothing. And in the end if she gets out of the marriage, just be there for her and help her through it. Because in the end that is what friendship is really about, not telling people how to lives their lives but instead just being there to enjoy it with them and help them through their times of need.
2007-08-24 05:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Chase W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course, he doesn't want a divorce - he's got her in his complete control! You would be a complete loser to advise her to stay in an abusive marriage despite what the bible says - the bible also says "thou shall not kill" it makes no distinction between killing her physical being or her mental being which is what he is doing. And what about that poor child? He will eventually have an effect on the child - ruining their entire life! Personally, if I had a friend who would knowingly advise me to do ANYTHING that would harm my physical OR mental being - I would be leaving more than just a husband.
2007-08-24 04:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by JVar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he is abusive, it isn't good for the child to see that either. In my eyes, I think God, would want her to protect her child, and understand why she got a divorce. If they are not having any sort of sexual relationship, he must be getting it some where and that would be adultery, and you can get a divorce in that way. I sincerely hope things work out for her she is very young to be going through this stuff. Good Luck.
2007-08-24 04:55:19 · answer #9 · answered by bluebird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is too young to carry a cross. If she is unhappy christian or not she has the right to move on with a new life, without the husband. Sorry.
2007-08-24 04:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by ME 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋