My hubby is 30 yrs old and he lost his father 1 & 1/2 years back.Until Feb this month,I lived with my mom(my parents are divorced & my mother has heart problems),& he wud stay with his mother 2 days a week.We wud pay her visits on weekends.This mar we rented our own apartment.His mom is complaining about it ever since,coz she is now living alone with a 10 yr old adopted daughter,2 servants,& 1 driver.My brother in laws live abroad.I also left my mother with a maid to take care of her.My hubby works from 12 noon & gets home around 10:30pm.He still visits her on weekends.Lately she has been complaining too much,& keeps reminding my hubby of his father's death.I just cant live with her since she says the most disturbing things.I asked her 2 come stay with me,or rent a house nearby,but she will not leave her house,saying it will hurt her prestige to live in a rented apartment.I have 2 stay with her.It is also affecting our sex life-my husband is always worried & smoking.What shud I do?
2007-08-24 04:24:22 · 24 answers · asked by Turki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had an argument with my mother in law 2 months ago when she went on and on about staying with her.Since then,she stopped coming to our house.I called her once and she hung up on me.She has been throwing so much tantrums lately that I made my hubby spend two nights at her place while I was alone at my place.We had a curfew the following day,and I was stuck at my cousin's that night.There was no mobile network.My hubby came to an empty house,and had no idea where I was.When the network came back the next morning,I called to check up on him,and asked him why he didn't call me first thing the network came back, he replied that he was sleeping and didn't know the network was back.He touched me last three months back.And I have done all sorts of talking.Doctor says he is suffering from depression,but he wudn't take the meds saying they are expensive,and wudn't go for follow ups.Have done all sorts of talking.What else can I do?
2007-08-24 04:36:45 · update #1
His mother sounds very manipulating. SHe knows how to get to him, the sad thing is your husband doesn't see it, and if you say anything it will cause an agrument between the two of you.
2007-08-24 04:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by shorte716 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law would rather have you live with her than have you and your husband living in an apartment. If it would hurt her prestige to live in a rented apartment, imagine what she must think of where you and your husband live.
This is not lost on your husband. His ego is taking a beating. You two don't have such a stable situation if you were living with your mom and he was staying with his mother several times a week.
Can you afford a nice house? Ask your mother-in-law to go house-hunting with you and see if you can buy a house that she WOULD move into because she thought it had some prestige.
Then she'll be able to brag to her friends that you want her to live with you and will tell them what a nice house it is.
Move everyone in together and just deal with it. Your mother-in-law will run the house. You get a job, for God's sake, so you're not hanging around arguing with her.
Your husband needs a stable environment. His mother and her entourage will provide that. She'll handle keeping your house in fine order. You and your husband will have a sex life again. You'll be out in the world working so you will have responsibilities that keep you from spending all your time at home with your mother-in-law.
2007-08-29 12:44:40 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There seems to be several things going on here. First, your mother in law seems to be depressed herself but guilting him into staying with her is a BIG no no on her part. She needs help coping with her loss. Second, he should understand that even though she is his mother, she has boundaries too. He should get her to respect that AND cut back on seeing her. (To me he spends entirely too much time there and no time on his "immediate" family). Third, he has to have some other sort of outlet to vent to if he refuses to take his meds, or see a doc, or do any type of follow up. I almost see his side of things, however, an excuse is an excuse (everyone has one). Perhaps you could look for an alternative way to communicate with him like getting out more and do more stuff with just you two. Fourth, thank your lucky stars he's not self medicating with some other illegal substance that will change both your lives.
2007-08-31 17:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by for7949 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, MIL wants everything her own way and husband is not standing up for you.
Send him back and let him be depressed at Mom's. If he's really depressed, I'm sorry for him, but it sounds as if she's in a better position to take care of him than you are. And it gives your husband the chance to see firsthand the consequences of his inaction.
2007-09-01 02:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by pufferoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow the mother is doing the guilt trip thing be careful here. The two of you need your own place. the worst thing you could do is to have her move in with you Tell your husband what you are feeling and how it needs to be addressed, your mother n law is a piece of work, and wants to to make everyone miserable.
Your husband needs an outlet from her and if that means smoking ask him to do it outside.
2007-08-24 04:35:14 · answer #5 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might need some counseling. And the mother needs to let go! He is a married man and she has no right to be manipulating him. Give him time and hopefully he will adjust to not living with her anymore and she will too. I know it is hard but, he has a right to have a life of his own and till he tells his mom to stop she wont.
2007-08-24 04:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a spoiled brat to me! You are unwilling to give an inch to try to help your husband with the problems he is having due to his father's death and his mother's trauma. You need to get off your high horse and just ignore the comments his mother makes that bother you.
2007-09-01 03:09:31 · answer #7 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meds is not going to solve the problem. Your husband needs to get away from his mother. The guilt trip works only when you allow it. He is allowing it to work on him. He needs to decide marriage= wife. or divorce= mother. This is not normal what she is doing but it is sad that he runs like a trained dog.
2007-08-30 02:37:48 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until he decides his wife is more important than his mom there is nothing you can do. He is a mama's boy and no wife can change that. You need to decide if you can live with it or not. If not talk to him and let him know it has to change or you are gone. He may surprise you and change or he may change when he realizes you are gone
2007-08-24 04:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by chris d 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband sent your child a birthday card in September?
2016-08-28 04:04:17 · answer #10 · answered by Bentley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋