Boyfriend is so negative and blames everything on me, help?

Question

My man moved in with me and my three kids, when I was 4 mo pregnant(not his kids). I am now preg with his baby. Everything he says to me is negative, he is always threatning to leave me, i am always chasing him. now that he knows I am pregnant instead of focusing on the good, he is saying negative things, like he would fight in court to take the baby away, he's a good guy,does a lot for me, but very controlling and puts me down, disrespectfull, but at the same time he can be so nice and sweet. I feel scared of him now that if I have this baby he is going to try to take it and he is telling me to get into counciling to work out my issues, but he never lets me speak, so I have some emotianal problems cuz i can never get out what I am trying to say, he will cut me off and then go on about how dumb i am or whatever, so I just break down and cry. I have always dreamed of being with him, he was my crush and friend in college. He says I am making him yell, & a worse person. Any advice please

We are both highly educated, and he gets upset when I go get him things cuz he would rather me get myself things and take care of myslef, so he does have lots of great qualities, he is really good with my kids and does love them. But at the same time he is always putting me down and he just doesnt care if he leaves me or not, he says he loves me but he will leave me. I am just stuck, cuz I feel like he is not on my team anymore, I feel if he were on my team he would be talking about the life we would have together and not how he would take the child away and things like that. He just focuses on the wrong thing and then blames everything on me. I am always feeling lonely, but we are always together, its just that he doesnt show me that much affection, I would like to be touched or looked at or something, and he said he doesnt need that kind of stuff, but if I do then why wouldnt he just do it for me if he loved me. He tells his family bad things about me and turns them against me too.

He says that I am to blame and I am making him a worse person. He hasnt been working for 5 mo now but just got a job, I supported him and his bills plus my own stuff and my kids. I was there for him at his worse, but he always makes sure to rub in my face that he had job offers in different states, and I know he didnt take them cuz he loves me so I feel for him and dont blame him for not working cuz he could have been. But he says he wont help me unless he sees me helping myself first, but I think thats screwed up cuz I would help him regardless, I love him. Like a yesterday when I fell on the ground and was a little skidded up and bloody, he didnt help me and I am pregnant, he said I looked pathetic and helpless, and he wont help me cuz I need to help myself first then he will help. But why would I need his help at all if I am doing it myself. I fell while trying to get my 3 kids in the car so I could get to work. He does a lot but I just dont feel like he is treating me the best.

Answer 1

He's an abuser. Honey, you need to get out while you still have any self-esteem left. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good luck!

Answer 2

I've been in this situation with my now husband before we were married. I have a 5 year old(not his) and we've been together since he was 9 mos old. I know what it feels like to try to voice your opinion or convey a point and either be ignored or cut off before you can get it out. Write him a letter and let him know that you cannot take this treatment. (It will cause you a nervous breakdown or severe depression if you allow it to continue) If he really loves you and cares for you he will attend counseling WITH you and you can both help each other become better people in this relationship.

Answer 3

i am soooo sorry to hear you are in this kind of relationship while you are pregnant. Honey... the truth is this guy sounds bad... i don't think i would try so hard to hold on to him. you say he is a good guy but i didn't read any examples of that... only examples of the bad stuff... :-( sometimes what we think we want is not what we need.... i say this often ( only because i believe it to be true ) there is an old saying... it doesn't get any better than this... and it rings true in both positive relationships as well as the negative ones.... keep your chin up and start planning an escape route because it doesn't sound like he is on your team~

Answer 4

LEAVE him this is called emotional abuse and you don't have to put up with it. Kick him out of your house and make sure that you are a fit mother. He can't take away your child unless he casn prove you unfit. Talk to a Lawyer

Answer 5

You need to get away from this abuser. Wait til he's at work and disappear. Have a lawyer get child support for you.

Answer 6

I agree with all the others, You need to Kick his butt out and just take care of your self and your kids!! He isnt good for you There are plenty of GOOD men out there that will treat you like they are supposed to!!!
GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Wow I am reading my life. Same exact issuses, boy how scary, tried to email you, but you don't allow it.