How should I deal with an acquaintance that not the same as she used to be?

Question

Several years ago, I became friends at work with another woman who’s almost six years older than I am. Although we never actually worked together, she worked in a nearby room. At first she seemed attentive and a good listener until her teenage son developed a major health condition requiring several major surgeries, including an organ transplant. I though she was over the hurdle when her husband, who weighed nearly 400 pounds, lost his job due to side effects of depression, then required heart surgery. After this ordeal, she had several operations for hernia repair and stomach surgery. She still is facing knee surgery also. Although she no longer works in my department, we still see each other occasionally, like before major holidays and on birthdays. She’s lost nearly 200 pounds since she changed jobs and now she seems distracted and inattentive. This week we met for lunch and she never got off her cell phone the whole time we were together. She’d end one call and dial another number right away. I really think that was rude, even considering her recent ordeals. I felt like grabbing the damn phone and hurling it across the restaurant. She invited me out, so at least she could act like she was just a LITTLE interested in what I had to say.

Then, after my mother passed away, she said I had a standing invitation to her house for all major holidays. However, since then its always been some reason or excuse that I can’t come to her house – like she’s going to be busy or away from home at those times.

Another thing that bugs me is that when we go out, she’ll order the most expensive thing on the menu, then hardly eat any of it. I hate to see food wasted. When I asked her why she does that. She responded, “Because it impresses people when they see I don’t need to eat that food.” Now I don’t know whom she’s trying to. I think I’d try to impress someone other than the wait staff.

I wanted to know just what might be going on in her mind impress with is hubristic attitude she’s developed or if there’s a psychological condition causing her to act like this. How should I deal with her?

Answer 1

you should not surround yourself with negative people in your life, seems like for one reason or another she has changed, people often change for better or for worse, you cannot in my opinion put ourself in a vulnerable position, sounds like she has no respect for you , this individual takes you for granted, but I also gather that you are holding on to her because you have empathy for her past problems, I suggest you see her as she is and according to what you say she is not an impressive person, she is taking advantage of your friendship and you should cut her out of your life

Answer 2

I think you should reduce your contact with her if you can't be supportive after all this woman has been through. Why is her weight loss mentioned here, do you blame that for the change in her? Well, she was probably advised by her Dr to lose weight if she has joint problems (you mentioned knee surgery) as it eases pressure on the joints if you weigh less. She seems to have a lot on her plate and that's the reason for her distraction. She's not responsible for you at major holidays so if you don't like her as she is stop seeing her.

Answer 3

After reading this, it seems to me you're the hubristic one expecting her to put her life on hold and hang on your every word the time she's with you. I mean, jeez, this woman has gone through HELL! Cut her a little slack and don't be so clingy.

Answer 4

well one thing is she is letting you see she is busy and do not have all the gathering time she might of once did.

Answer 5

She is psycologicaly retarted.Her nonachievements are more than her achievements,so she is mentaly disturbed and dissatisfied hence doing showbusiness.Better avoid her.

Answer 6

this person seems very anoying.. find new people to talk to...

Answer 7

be yourself