Does it get easier to manage a family?

Question

It is so difficult now to manage the home. If it weren't for my wife I'd be sunk. We want to know if it gets easier to deal with all of the little problems that the kids come up with as they get older. I know that their problems change and, if possible, become more complicated.

So ... I guess the real question is do they change or do we???

Answer 1

All is not lost...and it is most often they who do the changing!

My youngest daughter was quite a handful after her father and I divorced. I had to work midnight shift to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, and I erroneously thought a 12 year old should be responsible enough to take care of herself overnight, when all she has to do is sleep, right?

How wrong I was!! I used to get phone calls from my oldest daughter telling me that the youngest had gone out her bedroom window AGAIN, and that she was nowhere near outside (this was like 2 in the morning). Since there father lived just 300 yards away, after the first few times of leaving work to look for her myself, I told the oldest daughter to just let her father deal with it...so she would call him, and he would go out searching. He most often found her hanging with older gangs of kids, and would haul her home.

This went on for 3 years, until at 15 she decided that SHE knew what was best for her, and went downtown to live with a bunch of street kids. I attribute every one of the gray hairs on my head to that time with her. I never pressured her to come home. I welcomed her when she came back to visit, and gave her as much money as I could afford to help her live. And then when she was 17, she came home for good, all remorseful at having caused me so much anguish through the years.

I enrolled her in a special teaching program to get her GID. And there she met a guy 11 years older than her--long story short, she got pregnant by him. And since he wasn't working and couldn't provide for her or the baby she went on welfare.

By that time I was living with my parents, taking care of THEM daily, because they could no longer do for themselves. She raised her son across town where there were cheaper decent apartments to rent, and she finally ended up marrying her guy (who got gainfully employed after years of her pushing him) after having another son by him. That marriage didn't work out, because her husband felt entitled to cheat on her...

Long story short AGAIN, she moved back in with me because she needed to undergo a heart operation. My Mom had died and my father didn't object. When she was 27 years old, she came to me one day and said to me "Mom, I want to apologize for all the bad things I put you through as a child. I know now that I didn't know anything when I was making those bad decisions for myself. And I just wanted to thank you for standing by me."

To say my mouth dropped open is an understatement.

So see...they DO eventually come to their senses. You just might have to wait a whole lot longer for that time to come than you want to!

Answer 2

My wife and I have three kids who are grown now - a girl and two boys. We never had any serious problems with our kids like mental problems, drugs, crime, that sort of thing. But, there were problems the kids had that my wife always took in stride and nearly drove me up the wall. Now, in retrospect, I realize that I was probably wound a little tightly because of a stressful work environment and the problems weren't really that big a deal after all. No doubt the kids likely thought I was pretty grumpy - and I suspect I was. We can't go back and change any of that but I'd sure like to have a second shot at it for I now realize what an adventure it was.

I guess what I'm saying is that as long as the problems aren't of the serious type - mental, drugs, crime, illness, death - then the problems aren't really problems. They're just life.

Answer 3

All of you change. All the time. And only when you're old and gray will you come to the realization that all the good, all the bad and everything in between was what you did to make it work. You may think these same thoughts several times a day, a week or whenever, but only in the twilight years will the realization come that you didn't have to 'think' these thoughts, everything did come out as best as it could, because everyone one of you changed to fit the circumstances. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Everyone changes. You give them everything that is in you to make them the adults you want them to become. Then they leave home and you are left with nothing but memories. You wonder where the time went. They are usually too busy to visit very often because they are trying to bring up your grandchildren they same way you brought them up except they want it to be just a tad better because they really had it rough at home. So start planning for that Caribbean cruise. You will have earned it, you deserve it and no one should ever cheat you out of it.

Answer 5

You don't tell us how old your children are now.
I remember when I was younger and my children were very little many older folks (around 40) told me "Little children=Little problems. Big children=Big Problems."
I had no idea
Boy, we they right!
With each stage of child development, there are more challenges and worries.
Did you prepare them enough for life's disappointments, dangers, etc?
The first time they ride their bike in the street or go somewhere by themselves.
Mean kids at school. Being safe without scaring them to death.
And, then there are the teen years with peer pressure--school, sports, etc. Having good friends. Being responsible.
And, when they start to date -- to drive. Worrying about drinking, driving, safe sex.
If you survive this far with your children, then you have to start to worry what college they will go to and how their education will be paid for (if your children are young, start saving now).

Alas, your children are grown, mature and good responsible young adults. Hopefully, they will chose a good mate.

Then you can relax and enjoy grandchildren when the time comes.

But, to answer your question--you and your wife change.
Don't sweat the small stuff with your children. Enjoy them.
Love them. They really do grow up so fast. And, pick your battles.

Answer 6

It used to be a LOT easier than
today. A man made enough money to support his family.
The wife could work out or stay home. I think the 50s and 60s
were great years. There were
always jobs. I could leave a
job in the morning and have
another one by evening.
My kids were told what was
expected of them, and they
did it. No arguments, no
back talk, no screaming. They had their chores and
everything worked out pretty good. There really were not
the extreme dangers as today.
Children were not kidnapped,
child molestation would get
someone killed --and not by
the cops. Open adultery
was almost unheard of. A
man knew his child was
actually his child. We never
heard of pregnancy in a test
tube. All food was real food--
no junk or additives. In fact,
most was home grown.
Oh, I could go on all day, but
the stress level was nothing
like it is today. At least, not
in my life.

Answer 7

The best thing you can do is remember if you said--No yesterday it is still No today and tomorrow. Be consistant in your love and dicipline and you will have a little brood that won't cause you a bunch of grief and don't think they will grow up just fine without dicipline. They need a basis of rules and morals and ethics to become dependable young adults and then parents on their own. Don't go balistic if one child does great in school and another doesn't you can't compare one to the other they are their own little people. You grow together, that's why you should have kids when you are young--I get worn out watching my little grandson and all his energy. ha!

Answer 8

We're enjoying an empty nest but still have concerns for adult children (and grandchildren)
Twenty five years ago as I complained of the overwhelming responsibility of raising children and running a household my dad said "These are the happiest days of your life".
I looked at him with grim disbelief...but now I see, he was right.
Raising children stays hard and then it's over. Looking back I'd give anything to hold my little child in my arms for just five minutes one more time. Blessings.........

Answer 9

Boy, you really made my day! After laughing until the tears were running down my cheeks, I decided to try to tell you what our experience has been.

All of our children are in their 40s, all are books-smart, but somehow they got out into the world without having a clue.

Every one of them is a parent, and two are grandparents, but all are needy.

And we're obviousy enablers, because we still give to them, even though it's now taking from us to do so.

I find myself wishing at times that we had a huge house where we all could live. It would be cheaper than paying multiple food and utility bills, rents and transportation.

Answer 10

hi Fredo, it is a decision and a decision to have an excellent or a small kinfolk. yet many are no longer likely to have extra little ones by using fact the customary of residing is bigger, fee to nurture a toddler is gigantic and time administration. I even have in basic terms a million toddler, turning 11 this 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. it is not common (relative as there are households who've extra advantageous than 2 little ones locate it common too) by using fact the quantity of money and time that we ought to spend in nurturing a all-rounder toddler is quite straining. perchance hubby and that i are egocentric haha. we are no longer prepared to speculate in yet another toddler yet heavily, we won't be able to cope with to pay for to have yet another toddler whom we are in a position to grant the best ecosystem like we are doing for the 1st toddler. subsequently, we've desperate to end at a million toddler so as that we are in a position to grant her with the best in each and every thing so as that she would be economic self sustaining while she grows up and understand a thank you to shield herself. wish that my 2-cent well worth respond clarifies :) Sandy

Answer 11

Hell yes! Kids reach an age when THEY have to solve their own problems (keep an eye on them, but do as little as possible in interferring with their judgements, good or bad). Kids have to learn to take responsibility for their lives, money, social interactions, etc. Bad choices lead to bad results...if they do not learn it while children and teens, they will not ever learn it. As parents, we step farther and farther away from them in order to allow them to grow up. So it gets easier for us, harder for them...that is how it should be. I did not protect my kids from making bad choices IF they didn't ask for advice! IF I got a call from a teacher, then I stepped in gently, gave my kids choices on how they were going to clean up the mess, and let them go about doing what they promised to do. They always kept their promises. (perhaps out of fear...I couldn't care less why, it was enough that they did). I found, that as a father, a little fear in my kids (of me) was not a bad thing! I was NOT their best friend, I was NOT their buddy...I was their father. NOW, they are on their own, fully grown, self supporting, and we are best friends...but that could NOT be when they were kids...no way. I didn't act to make them love me, that just happened. I acted as a parent, full boat, full out parent!