hmm. my husband and trust issues....?

Question

ok my husband hides things that i found out myself or he desn't really tell me the truth at all. i am really trying to get to trust him but its really not working because i constantly find his sentences not matching with each other. last nite he said he emailed this person and they emailed him back. i said o i its been a while since i talk to the person can i email them from ur account. he said i used my company email at work to email them. he never ever sent me an email from his professional email. he said it desn't open because he needs lotus notes to open it. and then he acts mad or hurt and goes outside and lies on sofa. we are having a very rocky relationship any lil thing can turn into divorce because i am tired of not having the trust because i know he is good at lying even when caught.since i don't have nay proof he will never come clean to anything.i just had a baby i don't want to raise a child w/o a father. i am soo stressed. why is this happening to me.more details

i dislike him so much. also when i used to work he used to get mad at me if a manager says hi to me at the mall or if i talk abt others from work. he said i don';t want to know whats going on because he thought that their's men at work and he is very old fashioned. now he has women's ids on his yahoo im. but when i found out he never used them. his cousin say women at work tlak to him and flirt with him and he smiles. he has so many double standards. he never comes clean. wheich makes it worse.

what to do?

Answer 1

While you may not want to raise a child without a father, raising a child with a father that cannot be trusted is no better. The child will see that you do not trust the father and will learn from the father how to lie.

It also sounds like your husband might be having an affair. He is very protective of his email and changes his story so much that not even he can remember what he said last.

I think divorcing him is the best course of action.

Your additional details tell it all. He is controlling and abusive. I am sure that he is having an affair. The more that you say, the more textbook his abuse of you becomes. You really need to get away from him before the abuse starts to escalate.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 2

I divorced an untrustworthy husband 3 years ago after being with him for 10 years. I kept thinking it would get better and kept staying. Only after he started stealing money out of my accounts (we had separate ones because i could not trust him), buying a new car without talking to me...and then having it repossessed shortly after.. among many other things I did finally divorce him. If you can't trust someone you can't love them, therefore why stay with him. I know having a child puts another problem with everything else, but it is better to leave him and be happy than to end up raising him along with your child. He will never change.. as hard as you try he won't. He will always be the same person and you can make it on your own even if you don't think you can. It will work out... I would start documenting things when they happen and have info on him when or if you go to the lawyer to get a divorce.

Answer 3

There are two sets of problems going on here, and they are both part of the baggage you two brought to the marriage. The first one is that you said he is a chronic liar. If my husband took $500 of the money we had together, went to a nudie bar, then could not account for the money..... well, that would be grounds for divorce. That's not a private dance. That's money for hiring a hooker. Now your baggage. You admitted yourself you are insecure. Your statement "now i feel that I am not good enough for him" was a dead giveaway. Him doing this at a nudie bar or watching porn is NOT about you, how pretty you are, how thin you are, how sexy you are, not anything that you are. So you need to get a grip on yourself. You have some work to do on your self-esteem and self-worth, and being with a guy like this isn't going to help you any. You probably already thought you were worthless when you married this guy, and now you feel worse. Get yourself into some counseling, girl. You really do need it. Now about your marriage. How many more times do you want to go through stuff like this? How many more lies are you willing to hear before you have had enough?

Answer 4

Sounds like your stuck at home with a baby and have no life of your home. If this guy is a good at lying then I think you knew this before the wedding or the baby. You either need to trust him that he is not cheating and stop checking up on him because your making yourself nuts. You have no proof of anything. Also, no man tells his wife every detail of there day.
Men cut right to the point and don't run on with a story like woman do. Get some friends out side of the house and you will soon not be wondering what he is doing every second of the day.

Answer 5

I don't know any man who tells the truth 100% of the time, and women have been known to stretch the truth. My husband lies, but more to make himself look good, like story telling and he has lied about money a few times, I took control of the finances, he's lied about this and that. But he comes home every night and there are no strange women calling my house. I go by what my man does, and not what he says. Have a little more faith in the man you married, don't be so willing to throw it all away and leave your child fatherless, because you are afraid that you can't trust him 100%. A man who says he has never lied to his wife, is lying.

Answer 6

Tell him that you found a job in an office and it is possible for you to work with mostly men. If he gets furious you can tell him that the current situation exactly makes you feel this way. And maybe helps him to make some empathy.
Then talk to him and try to be calm. Tell him that you don't want to raise your child alone and he should feel some responsibility may be not for you but for the child at least.

Answer 7

The whole cement of a marriage is trust. If you don't have that you really don't have any of the other things that go with a marriage(love, respect, commitment).
If this is an ongoing problem throughout your relationship, you may want to get into counseling for yourself. Being stressed and having a new baby can be detrimental in raising a child as well as for your health..
Your husband may have his own issues as well. He needs to ask himself why he NEEDS to lie to you? For him it can be an insecurity issue, but it is something he himself is going to have to resolve. If he doesn't see anything wrong with it he isn't going to change.
Find a good person to talk who is a third unjudgemental party.(a counselor would be great). They can help you in figuring out what will be best for you and your child.
Remember to think of your child's feelings too. If there is stress that they can feel in their enviorment then what is going on between you and your husband will effect them too.

Answer 8

A relationship is built on trust. It will eat you alive constantly trying to figure out what he is doing and reading more into everything he says just to see if he is lying. You need to step back and ask yourself if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life. As for your child, you need to remember they see more than you think. Once they get older, they will see there are problems and it just sometimes easier to walk away to make a better life for everyone involved. Good luck to you and I hope things work out for the best.

Answer 9

I work everyday by a computer and I don't even use it at home anymore....It's been a couple of months now...My husband thinks I chat online to meet guys & have like an oline affair cuz I don't use it at home like I use to. I tell him I do check my e-mails sometimes & when I do get online, I go 2 site to read things that catch my attention. Now since I've been readin' questions & askin' my own on here, this is what I have been gettin' online for....
I say I trust my husband, but there's things that he does that I cannot trust him.....I guess our marriage is a complete waste. I wanna work things out and have more communication, but the things I have on my mind, I don't know how to tell him.
If he hides e-mails 4rm u then there's somethin' goin' on.

Answer 10

women raise children without fathers every day. i did it for over a year. my ex husband was the same way, lied, stayed at work late, didn't want me talking to other men...he actually cheated on me. why would you want to stay just for the sake of your baby b/c you don't want him to be without a father..... when you could get you and your baby out of this mess and let me tell you....there are other fish in the sea!! i was alone and raised my son on my own for over a year when i met the most incredible man! i don't have to deal with any of those problems anymore, and i don't have to worry about him lying or cheating. it was worth the heartache and the time alone. and my son is no worse off! now is the time to do it, your baby won't remember any of this and it won't affect them as much as when they get older and realize that this person is or isn't around every day.