Alone, LOnely, and NO ANSWERS!!!!!,,,,help? (i asked this in singles/dating but too many little kids)?

Question

I have dated him for 5 yrs. and he has been in and out of work that wasnt too reliable! He has finally found a reliable job/full time, w/benefits included! I am so happy for him because we really need this financially! this is temporary until he goes for his firemans test. We have lived together for the past 3 years in his grandmothers house and now with my mom for the past 2 yrs. He had to move out and live with his uncle across town b/c the boss for this new job lives next door there, and that is who he rides with each day! I hate it!!! I cant seem to accept this change! i am so used to being held each night by him and now NOTHING! Plus we have had issues over the years with porno and web surfing! i am insecure and that makes me feel even worse i can just picture him over there doing that crap behind my back! Yesterday he reffered to a woman as "that hot *** blonde chick"<~~~~this bothers me b/c he knows how little it makes me feel thats why he is normally good with not making these

comments! : i am not an ugly person so i dont get why he needs to look or comment on other woman! I am 120 lbs, 5"3 blonde hair blue eyes,clear skin , toned stomach and with all the nice curves! so i dont understand why i get so flustered or even why he must do these things involving other women if hes happy. We have an amazing sex life too, so he isnt unhappy in that department. I just feel like now i worry more not that he is cheating but maybe just decieveing! That is just my insecurities talking, but My TRUE problem is how lonely i am there is a lot of strain on the relationship now after such a quick major change...HELP SOMEONE!!

Answer 1

The main thing you need to remember is a relationship is built on trust. If you can not fully trust him, you may need to move on. It will eat you alive constantly wondering what he is doing, where he is, and/or if he is being honest about what is doing. If your relationship is strong enough, you should not feel this way. You need to take a look at the big picture and ask if this is the way you want to feel all the time.

Honestly whether he is across town or living in the same house, you have to remember they are a companion and not a child you have to babysit. You need to know no matter what he does or where he goes you can trust he is doing the right thing. Good luck to you and I hope things work out for the best.

Answer 2

You're telling me that after 5 years of living with someone, you two couldn't afford a car of your own or even a place of your own? It took him 5 whole years to find a reliable job? What about you? Do you have a job?

Big problems here all around. Seems like you haven't been able to take control of your lives, and don't know how it is in the real world. I semi admire the way you've stuck with each other, but maybe it's because you two are the only ones that can tolerate eachother's lifestyle. He's never really been on his own, and this new found freedom of his may give him reason to do things he otherwise woudn't have done. After 5 years, there is still no trust. Maybe that's why you didn't mind the lifestyle you had. You had him right there with you, and if he was there with you with nowhere else to go, he couldn't cheat. I'm not saying he'll cheat, but you two don't seem to have it together enough to build a life for the two of you.

Answer 3

You have had financial troubles, and he has been irresponsible with working, now that he finally is doing it right, you are going to complain because you are lonely? This is why so many people end up with nothing. They only think of their emotional needs. It is temporary (even a year is temporary). Be happy that you are bettering your life together. You need to remember that the most successful choices are usually the most difficult ones. Don't nag him for not being around, encourage him to continue working hard. If you decide to get married and have children, you will be so happy that you took a couple of difficult years to get your life together when you were young. Otherwise he can quit his job and hold you at night.... IN SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME FOREVER! I don't mean to be rude, but you are being immature. As far as the porn issue goes, it has nothing to do with your looks. Some guys have porn addictions. All you can do is express to him how it makes you feel, but I know it is pretty common. He doesn't need to make crude comments about women in your presence...that is disrespectful to you and you shouldn't put up with it. Ask him if he think's he's addicted. (he will say no) challenge him to see how long he can go without it. If it's hard for him, he's addicted. Then deal with that together, maybe with a therapist or minister.

Answer 4

You didn't say how old you were. That that it makes that much difference. But 5 years is a very long time without a commitment. You should be working together on getting your own place, marriage etc.
Porno is a problem, I mean really. doctor Phil has actually had shows about it. I can get alot worse, where it really really is a problem. Not just looking but acting. Remember you marry a person with all the problems etc. You either have to deal with it or ignore it.
Really after 5 years and not married with your own place etc. Being apart might give you some clues as to what is going to happen.
Be patient it will all work itself out, and in the long run you will be happier than ever.

Answer 5

I find it interesting that you say for the first time in 5 years he has found reliable work. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere that's an excuse. I live in a rural area and it doesn't take 5 years to find and keep a job. You can find an excuse to leave almost any job and it sounds like that's what he's been doing. I doubt this one will be any different. That's your real issue here, not the porn or some offhand comment he made about another woman. You need to find some independence. If you are not working find a job, develop some interests beside just him. Save some money and get a place of your own, do not let him move in unless he has a job and can pay half the bills. It sounds to me like you both need to grow up some, your priorities are a little misplaced.

Answer 6

Well, you have to accept being apart for a while, it makes the connection stronger, when you miss each other for a while. If he has records of being deceiving, then your body has nothing to do with it, he just doesn't know what he wants. There's no way you're gonna drive him away from pornography, he has to do that himself, but they're just pictures. Make sure he doesn't go off the deep end, however, such as using the Internet WAY TOO MUCH that it interferes with your relationship, or he asks for things of you that only pornstars would do on the screen. At that point, get the hell out of his life, QUICK. And no matter what he'll check other girls out, this is where you either tell him to quit it, because it belittles you, or you must get over it, because looking does nothing.

Answer 7

Honestly, this guy just doesn't sound worth your time. Instead of moving around to live with family his first concern should be getting you and him set up in an apartment or house. And if he is doing all this stuff that you don't like, and he knows you don't like and isn't showing an interest in stopping, then it sounds like he does not hold your wants and needs very high. Obviously you two have had a long history together, but sometimes you get to comfortable that you don't see that you aren't happy and you can find someone else that can treat you better. When a guy is truly right for you, he takes everything you say to heart and you don't have to settle at all, he exceeds your expectations. You sound like a wonderful and beautiful girl, so please consider upgrading and find someone who treats you the way you deserve and gives you the life you deserve. Best of luck...

Answer 8

You've gotten some great advice with other answers already but I would say that in many cases porn is just a form of release for a man. Most men don't connect feelings of commitment pro or con to porn--its just release.
If you are having doubt, talk about them with him. I guess you have to ask yourself how commited you are to him and he to you. The fact you say the sex is great for him makes me think he isn't likely to stray but maybe just comfortable commenting when he sees someone attractive. Perhaps he things you are secure enough that it wouldn't bother you. Perhaps he just needs to know that it does. Kind of that think sometimes it's ok to think it, just don't say it might be what he needs to learn.
I wish you the very best of luck. Tell him how much you miss him at night. Hopefully he will say he feels exactly the same and then as someone else said, pehaps you could find a new place together.

Answer 9

Ok hon...(by the way, I'm 48 years old...!)...first, if he indeed respected you, he would keep those comments to himself..let him know that this hurts your feelings and ask him to stop...men are going to look...and that's OK..and normal...but he doesn't have to "rub your nose" in it...If he doesn't do as you ask, he isn't worth hanging on to, because his reluctance would be a sign he is emotionally immature..
Now...if you are really and truly meant to be together, your relationship should weather this current storm (of living apart)...and you being insecure about what he's doing tells me several things: you don't really trust him, and you CANNOT have a relationship with someone you do not trust...it will NOT work....trust HAS to be there..(and it is EARNED..)...You may be making him feel "boxed-in" by being what sounds like (sorry, hon) you being "emotionally needy"...it can drive a man away from you...you need to have a life of YOUR own..interests outside of your relationship with him..(which will help you be more socially balanced)...you need to find out what is making you so emotionally insecure..there is a reason there somewhere..it may take some "soul searching" and honest introspection to figure it out..but you will be a better mate when you can let go of whatever is causing you to feel this way...
I'm guessing by your words you are fairly young...and this may be your first "true" love...learn to relax, take life as it comes, stop obsessing over it, and learn to love YOU..when you do, you will be ready to love someone else...

Answer 10

I think that the change with him moving to make a finacial change in ya'll life is worth sacrificing being held every night for a little while because once he makes enough money ya'll can move in together by ya'll selves he'll have a nice steady job and will be with each other every night. Now the porn thing maybe hes only doing it because your so far away from him and he has sexual needs and he has to look at porn to satisfie them while your gone. its better them him cheating!! Or maybe him moving with his uncle has influenced the web surfing and is only encouraging his need to look at other woman and is chnaging the way he says things he could have picked up those use of words from hanging with his uncle. But overall you guys will be back into each others arms soon enough and then you can block all that **** on the computer. and if your so hot like you say you are why dont you tell him that your a hot blonde chick and the next time he acts up your cuttin him off of that amazing sex life your givin him.. unless he has a major porn issue but im sure its only becuase hes away from you and he'd rather look then cheat.