If a 64yr old was chasing your 20 yr old daughter what would you do??

Question

A man who is engaged....lost his wife due to him carrying on in an affair.....he has his own business...pumpsman.....goes into primary schools and is not police cleared,,,,,,always perves on young women......has porn sites on his computer and joined a dating site.....Any one wishing to comment????

Answer 1

Alright, there are several things you should do and serveral you should not do.

DO: *Tell his fiance (she has a right to know if he is cheating or trying to cheat) on her.
*Find out what your daughter thinks - if she wants him to go away get her to tell him that. If she doesn't, then organise for her to accidentally meet charming men in their early 20's.
*Make sure the primary schools are aware of the lack of police check.
*Tell the police if the porn sites are illegal or he is harming your daughter physically whatsoever.

DO NOT: *Tell your daughter to stay away from him (daughters are still in the rebelling stage at 20 as you may remember).
*Enlist the police if he is not breaking any laws (they won't take you seriously, and it's horribble when they say there is nothing you can do).
*Do anything illegal (why should you be punished and tarnish your conscience for this man).

If your daughter is OK with him, then I would ask these questions - is she looking for a father figure? Do you live somewhere where you must be over 21 to buy alcohol and other legal restricted substances (cigarette products, etc)? I only ask because growing up I had a friend who was with someone in their early 40s when they were only 14. Community services and the police got involved but nothing could be proven (as the role of best friend, I saw enough that she was very grateful they never thought to ask me about the relationship). Her father drank, a lot at that time, and they had major communication barriers. She saw this "boyfriend" as a father figure to fill the gap. Also she was supplied with cigarettes and booze whilst they were together. When she turned 18 (the age where I am that you must be to purchase such products) she dropped him like a stone. Her father had finished his phase by then too and became a devoted parent once again.

Answer 2

Yes, Obviously this man needs some help. First it's very scarey that he is going into primary schools. That is something that should raise red flags for everyone. If you are a relative of this person I would go and talk to a mental health specialist on what legally you may be able to do.
The sad thing is in most states nothing can be legally done, by the state until this person has actually done something that harms himself or another person. Then the courts can get involved and state on if a mental evaluation needs to be done and any type of medication that would need to be prescribed.
The only other option would be if this person realizes that they have a problem and seek help themselves.
If he is 64 years old he may actually be having a bit of a mid life crisis (late), if you are someone though who is related to him I would watch closely...the primary school thing really has me bugged.
If he goes in to much and gets caught to many times the school may have the police get involved and the courts may end up taking notice sooner rather than later.

Answer 3

*Enlist the police if he is not breaking any laws (they won't take you seriously, and it's horribble when they say there is nothing you can do).
*Do anything illegal (why should you be punished and tarnish your conscience for this man).

If your daughter is OK with him, then I would ask these questions - is she looking for a father figure? Do you live somewhere where you must be over 21 to buy alcohol and other legal restricted substances (cigarette products, etc)? I only ask because growing up I had a friend who was with someone in their early 40s when they were only 14. Community services a

Answer 4

I can’t begin to imagine why in the world a 20-year-old would be attracted to a 64-year-old in the first place.

Trying to talk some sense into her is about all you can do.

If you live in the US, there was nothing you mentioned that’s illegal. The only thing that might come close would be ‘going into primary schools’ but even that is not necessarily 'illegal' depending on his reason for being there. For example, I know several senior citizens who volunteer at the local elementary school, because it helps keep them active and they enjoy being around the kids (for short periods of time, at least!). It’s perfectly legal and the schools are glad to get the volunteers. Now if he’s just hanging around the school for no legitimate reason then let the school know that!

Answer 5

I don't want to play down your fears but isn't some of this just hearsay? Perving at young women - don't all men do that? How do you know he has porn sites on his pc, have you gone through it yourself, or has someone told you? As far as I'm aware, it's legal... Also, joining dating sites is legal.

What happened in his marriage, exactly? Most people have affairs for a reason. Maybe his wife wasn't whiter than white herself?

Can I ask how you know he goes into primary schools and why he does it? People are allowed into schools but without a police check they can't be left alone with the pupils. Could he have a legitimate reason for visiting? Work, maybe? External workers don't have to be cleared by police. How do you know he doesn't have a police check? The school is obviously happy to let him in, have you thought about that?

I know you're worried about your daughter, and what you've told us sounds awful - but it's your take on the situation - I'm wondering how he would describe it. He could just be a lonely man who has been the victim of malicious gossip, had an awful marriage and is ready to meet someone else.

Feelings run high in situations such as this, and innocent people can be hurt by such accusations. What if this man isn't what you think he is? What if somebody was saying this about your father because they listened to spiteful rumours without evidence? Be careful that what you say can be backed up 100% by concrete proof. Chinese whispers, and all that...

Why not just speak with your daughter and be there to guide her. She's an adult but still needs her mum's help and advice from time to time - we all do. If this man becomes a nuisance to her then report him to the police. I don't wish to offend you but the rest of his life is really nothing to do with you, and spreading rumours (whether you think they're true or not) because you feel he's unsuitable for your daughter makes for pretty uncomfortable reading.


EDIT: I've just read through more replies, it's frightening to see how many people have played judge and jury to this one man because of one person's hearsay. There's all sorts of accusations and mention of violent threats (ie castration) - although there's no evidence of him doing anything wrong/illegal.

What if this man has done nothing wrong, that the rumours are just that? What if this was your father being 'trialled' by hearsay?

I actually now feel worse for the man than I do for the original poster. This thread has pretty much got all the makings of a witchhunt.

Answer 6

Sorry, I think you have to be harsh here. You have have a talk with your daugher and imply that she is a whore. You have to ask her how much money, or what gifts are worth her doing this to herself. See how she answers--does she justify whoring or does she tell you that it's not that way with him?

If it is the second answer (no, it's not about money, etc.), then ask her what she's doing with a man who is engaged. All the other stuff is bad, but the more bad things you say about him the more she'll close her ears. You don't need to share a million clues that tell you he is a shady guy, you need to talk about the one solid, undenyable fact that she can't ignore--some other girl is wearing his ring, and your daughter doesn't mean much to him.

I know that doing this would cause a big fight, mean words, and hurt feelings. But your only other option is to let her find out on her own, and then give her your support when she needs it--I think you need to give her the harsh truth.

Answer 7

If he has commited a crime that you have proof of, he should be arrested. As for the other part, your daughter is an adult and there's really no way you can stop her from seeing this guy. Hopefully you raised her with some morals and she'll soon see what a fool she's been for even considering this creep.

Answer 8

Your daughter isn't leading him on in any way is she? Why is this old guy still continuing to chase her if she's made it clear to him that she wants nothing to do with him? She has told him that i take it? I don't understand the bit about him going into primary schools??? How do you know he has porn sites on his computer and that he's joined a dating agency?? Something about this question doesn't entirely make sense.

Answer 9

DO NOT: *Tell your daughter to stay away from him (daughters are still in the rebelling stage at 20 as you may remember).
*Enlist the police if he is not breaking any laws (they won't take you seriously, and it's horribble when they say there is nothing you can do).
*Do anything illegal (why should you be punished and tarnish your conscience for this man).

If your daughter is OK with

Answer 10

First thing I'd do is try to get the message across to your daughter that this just is not right. No luck with that then I'd become involved and make sure the fellow gets the message 'STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER". Threaten to let the people he works with and for know what he's up to.
Do whatever you can to protect your child.