We walked up the stairs that misty night,
Struggling, what next? I may, I might.
His hand held mine as we ascended,
Was that a move, was that intended?
“You must be quiet, all will hear,”
I said, on the edge of the bed, in fear.
His hard features melt into a soft grin,
As he pulled his pants down to his shin.
“No, wait, not here, not now,
This is wrong, I won’t allow.”
He glided by and kissed my lips,
And put his hands around my hips.
“If not now, then when, my dear?
We’ve been together, by now, a year.”
He played with my hair and stroked my cheek,
I silently hesitate to move or speak.
He was sixteen, and so was I,
We were too in love to ever deny-
“Do I have your permission, is it alright?”
He was always the gentleman, always polite.
Piece by piece we shredded our clothes,
Peeled off layers to show and expose.
Our hearts thumped louder as we fumbled through,
We bit off more than we could chew.
2007-08-24 03:03:50 · 11 answers · asked by Vawewia 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Gentle touch, such passion, romance,
This hour, this moment, our only chance.
Awkwardly graceful, one hour of lust,
Of our bodies and minds so filled with trust.
2007-08-24 03:04:18 · update #1
Hi again! Yeah, it's me.
I found this old poem I wrote after watching Spring Awakening.
Enjoy!
Comments and Suggestions are very much welcome :)
Much Love <3
2007-08-24 03:06:08 · update #2
OH, by the way, it's not yet finished.
It's supposed to be a story.
I just wanted to get comments on the first part :)
2007-08-24 03:07:01 · update #3
I'm too young for a day job. I'm fifteen.
2007-08-24 03:16:50 · update #4
Ok, time for me to put in my two cents worth.
The subject, in my opinion, is not one a 15 year old girl should be writing about, or should know enough about to write of it. Having said that, let me add that it the best piece I've read from you yet, I am not disappointed. Good cadence, good rhyme, and even if a little more mature than I think you should be doing, very good story. I look foeward to the completed version. Please don't get TOO graphic. lol
2007-08-24 04:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice. Very well written. Took me back to when I was 16 again, oh those were the days. Great imagery and again, this is very well written. Would love to read some other work.
2007-08-24 03:11:18 · answer #2 · answered by gjamison27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The rhythm isn't entirely consistent, but I didn't really notice it; your use of the word "racy" to describe the poem is right on the dot. I liked it :]
2007-08-24 03:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was very nice. Good rhyming, I like it. It's kinda set up like song lyrics...
askaman
2007-08-24 03:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by www.askaman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This one I really like . Good job can't wait to read more.
2007-08-24 05:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Donna R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg thats so real i was afraid u wer gonna get pregnant LOL thats an awesome poem
2007-08-24 03:07:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
great word structure enjoyed reading it
in regards to stuart's comments...
hey bro you want to make drama go to myspace...
2007-08-24 03:09:17 · answer #7 · answered by wheresthesoundguy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's charming, and I compliment you on your careful observance of rhythm.
2007-08-24 03:11:21 · answer #8 · answered by picador 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know what I like, and this isn't it.
Of course, if things go the way they usually do, you and your answerers will attack me for not liking what they do. *sigh*
2007-08-24 03:08:09 · answer #9 · answered by Stuart 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you have a day job? If so, don't quit.
2007-08-24 03:08:40 · answer #10 · answered by fly by night 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋