Is she married or am I just being paranoid?

Question

I have been seeing a woman of 29 with one child, she has told me she is divorced and has been for over a year, but somethings not quite right. Her cards are still in her married name, she has got her husband on her phone as "sexy_hubbie", whenever I suggest we go to her place she always comes up with an excuse for me not to come over, yet she comes over to mine frequently, or she will suggest a hotel/bandb. I have challenged her about the phone she says she just has never bothered changing it, I have also noticed she never leaves her phone lying around and takes extra care for me not to see who shes texting, if I ask her she always says her sister, or friend. I am divorced myself and am 33 years old, I am wondering if I'm being paranoid or is she really hiding something from me, she has even had a weeks holiday with me, which I wondered how she would pull that off if she is still married? Not sure what to do, I don't want to be with her if she is married and comitting an affair.

Answer 1

Don't stress! A LOT of women keep their married name after a divorce- to avoid the hassle of changing it and having a different name than their children. Have you met her child yet? If not- that's probably why she keeps you away from her home. She doesn't want to introduce you to her child only to have to explain everything to them if it doesn't work out. Most people are skeptical of introducing children to a new significant other until they are 100% certain that the relationship is going to work out.
Start being secretive with your phone too- if hers in none of your business then yours shouldn't be any of hers.
Good luck!

Answer 2

She wouldn't be the first spouse to pull off a week trip with another person, just lots of deception to the spouse. It's a trip with that mystery 'sister', or a business trip, maybe a seminar, etc... My husband convinced me back in 2000 that a 6 day 'business trip' was just that, to find out later it was to spend time with another woman. He had all kinds of details going, even asked me to help him get his clothes ready. About ended our 22 year marriage back then.

Now, many divorced women do not change their name back, especially when they have a child. Unless that card also has her husbands name also. Most single mothers are told that it is best for the kids not to have 'new' men they are seeing around their kids for sometime, as it is confusing for the kids and no one wants to place the children at risk. Advice I would agree with, get to know someone really well before you get your kids involved.

Try looking her up online, many counties have divorce records on public file, look under the clerk of the courts. I pulled up my own marriage record easy enough and could see my sister's divorce court date and disposition online very easily, even could see that her Ex got divorced again later.
You might be able to see who is listed as owning the property if she owns a home, again, listed with the county tax assessments in most places, public record.

Just consider if you want to continue a relationship with someone who keeps such secrets and is not very open with her life. Just how important is honesty to you?

The secrecy with the phone is kind of a red flag for many cheaters.

Don't think I'd be calling the EX such a cute name on my phone a year after a divorce. It only takes seconds to change the name.

Last thing you need is some hurt, angry husband banging on your door! If she is married, sooner or later, he will find out.

Answer 3

Many women who have children choose to keep their former spouse's last name to make things easier for the child.

Some women have difficulty "cleaning up" the excess stuff from their marriage. A woman can have trouble changing his name on the phone, or taking his name off the title of the car, or going though the boxes of stuff that she had at their former home. Those tasks may bring about negative emotions that she associates with her ex.

If one's ex was really controlling, a woman may become very conscious of her privacy. If one has an ex who is dishonest and had an affair, one may become suspicious at any sign of potential dishonesty in future dates.

As to her marital status, is there a way you can check this out? Years ago, Colorado had an online database which listed every marriage, divorce, and separation. Does your state have something like this?

On the other hand, trust your intuition. If you sense that something isn't right...you're probably right even if you can't quite put your finger on it, yet.

Answer 4

The thing with gut feelings is that either a) you could be spot on b) barking up the wrong tree or c) paranoid. Whichever way, you're clearly not happy.

You didn't say how long you've been seeing her, it sounds like it could be a while, considering you've been on holiday. As you've been seeing her a while, you should both be relaxed enough with the relationship for a bit of honest talking. Have you actually had this conversation with her?

If you find it difficult broaching the subject with her, why not send her a bunch of flowers to her home with a nice little card in it? If you're told not to do it again, then that may well be your answer.

It could just be that she's hiding you from her child - not all women want their love lives and their children to meet in the middle until they're absolutely sure. What if her ex is babysitting his child? Again, she might want to keep her private life for herself. Her ex may well make her life difficult if he finds out she's met someone else - and who can blame her for seeing how things go before she upsets any apple carts! Has she told you what went wrong in her marriage? Maybe understanding that might tell you why she's keeping you at arms length.

Have the conversation, you feel out of the loop where her life is concerned so you need to address this before you can move on with your relationship - one way or another.

Answer 5

May or may not be married but definitely hiding something. Have you met the kid? Not going over there could be that she's not ready for you to be there with her kid. Have you driven by her house? Maybe a little covert action is needed.
Some people are very private about their cell phone and hate people looking over their shoulders when they text.
A lot of women do not change their names after divorce for the sake of the kids, the kids name doesn't change.
Have you met any of her girl friends?
Do a little more snooping and "research" before jumping to conclusions.

Answer 6

Well I think she can pull it off if her husband was in the military and in Iraq or something. I would be suspicious too. Did you meet any of her friends? If you met a friend of hers then maybe you could ask them. But I honestly would think she's still married cause she's hiding her phone a lot and the name she still have for her so called ex-husband. I honestly don't think your being paranoid.. I say confront her on everthing you had just said in your question. You shouldn't be in a relationship that you think the person is lieing to you or not being honest to you. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Many women get into this half-marriage thing where the ex still comes over anytime he wants, ostensibly to "help her with the kids" or whatever. The husband still thinks he's in the picture because he's there all the time, and you think he's out because she spends time with you . She probably told the husband she was going to the beach with girlfirends when she was with you for a week. She's using both you and him because she's not adult enough to tell the guy she's in a relationship with you.

Answer 8

Maybe you are just too in her business, therefore she fills like she needs to hide something. I never had anything to hide until my man became suspicious. And for what reason I do not know, he started going through my sh!t. Thats when I felt like I had to hide everything. Since even the most innoscent conversation with someone could turn into some sort of accusation that I was doing something I shouldn't have been. Even talking to my brothers became an issue. Thats when its time for him to go. Lets put it this way....you don't trust her or you are suspicious of her, then why are you with her?

Answer 9

My friend dated a guy for 2 years, got pregnant and then he asked her to have an abortion because he's married with 2 kids! He'd stay with her 3-4 nights a week sometimes! So to answer your question, yes it is possible and yes, it sounds like she is still married.

Get away from... her she's lying to you!

Answer 10

I can understand your suspicion! It sounds like she's trying really hard to keep something hidden. I'd break it off if I were you! If she really isn't married then she's hiding another relationship, and your being played. Either way your better off getting out of this unhealthy relationship~