What to do in this situation and how to deal with this kind of person?

Question

What would you do if the person you're with:
1. Has been married to you for 5 years and refuses to get a job, wants everything but doesn't want you to work over 40 hours a week to pay the bills?
2. is a Pseudo-Christan and quotes the bible and tells you that you're going to hell to bully you and cut off your connection to your family?
3. Screams, hits you and argues with you constantly?
4. Is trying to get pregnant but you're beginning to fear it?
5. Kicks you out of the house once or twice a month but expects you to pay for them to live there?
6. Argues with you infront of the counciler and the counciler refuses to see you?
7. Goes to where you work and makes an *** out of themselves infront of your customers?

I'm just asking what you would do if you were in this situation. I don't recall asking for retarded comments like 'You know the answer.' of course I know the answer, but I need to shed some light for a poor sibling who is begging for everyone's permission to leave. :( Maybe after he reads all the comments he'll have more confidence? Wishful thinking. Flamers and arrogant posters can go walk infront of a bus. ^^ Thanks.

Answer 1

This is one of the saddest questions I have heard over and over again throughout my career as Human Relations and Personal Growth Counselor.

You may not like my answer, but here goes: You are not presently in a marriage. What do I mean by that? I mean that marriage is not a living arrangement, or how many years you have been together, or a piece of paper that says you are husband and wife. It is a commitment.

Don't help him. Help yourself and get out now!! I don't care if he was abused as a child, or how many times he apologizes. You are married to a batterer and you are typically codependent in making excuses for him, rather than thinking about your own welfare. It is never acceptable under any circumstances for someone to use physical violence against another person. Yes, your husband has a serious problem and needs help, but so do you, because you are in major denial about what's been going on. This isn't a "bad temper"---it's physical and emotional abuse.

Before you talk yourself out of it, before you get advice from anyone you know, you need to physically separate from him. Either insist that he leave or you leave. Let him know that if he wants the marriage to continue, he needs to seek immediate and intensive professional help. There are therapists who deal specifically with male batterers, as well as special support groups he will probably have to attend. This is not an option---it must be a prerequisite for any type of reconciliation. He must make progress emotionally and behaviorally before you live together again.

At the same time, you need to seek help for yourself. As a victim, you are just as enmeshed as he is in the pattern of violence.

Every community has a Battered Woman's Hot line where counselors are available to support you in making the decision to leave, and to ensure your safety. Remember, you need to break the cycle now, before it's too late for yourself.

ravishingV

Answer 2

Sound like its time for you to leave. screams,hit and argues with you all the time is a sure sign that the person has some issues,they need to deal with and may not like them self. See if you can find a councilor who will talk to you one on one first because you need the support with everything you'er going though. It also sounds like the person has some issues about controlling you. If I were you I would be making plans to get out of the whole situation. Its not healthy to let someone treat you in this manner. If they act like this now just think what would happen if a baby were present not a good Idea.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

This situation requires a simple answer - LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY! Do not get pregnant - he will have you trapped. This man is a controlling, physically and emotionally abusive person and it is never going to get better for you. He's not even a pseudo-christian - he's a hypocrite of the worst kind! Next time he hits you - call the police and have him removed from the home. Change the locks, never let him in again and begin divorce proceedings.

Answer 5

True, not good. Well you may not like this but you can only blame yourself for letting this go this far. He does it because you let him. Go to the police and ask for help. Tell them you need protection from a abusing husband because you are feared for your life and advise. Hes playing with you and trying to trap you, by making you drop to his level because he cant face the truth. If you need to make a daylight shift and file a divorce and start again. Plan a get away with a mate you can trust. Otherwise your mum and dad would be gutted to think their daughter would not have enough brains to do something about it. Citizens advise look up. God Bless

Answer 6

1. kick him out of the house after all he is christian isnt he, i remember somewhere in the bible it says one has to sweat to earn something to eat and whoever doesnt work will sllep on an empty stomach.

2. tell him f*ck you! and i aint scared of the devil, if i go to hell thats up to God but as for you God doesnt want such people like you in heaven so we will go together to hell.

3. scream back, report him to the police or just hold him by the neck and threaten to kill him, he will respect you after that. cut off his balls if it gets too much.

4. is the person a lady? divorce her, if a man stil divorce him.

5. if he kicks u out never go back u got family and friends stay there.

6. dont argue just stare back in disbelief! be dumb that will piss him off and he will leave u in peace

7. tell the guard not to let him in or get a restraining order.

simple to deal with such a guy but dont waste ur time there are aother people better than him or her!

cheers.........

Answer 7

I divorced him. and I swear, it sounds every bit like my ex, only we were married for 2 1/2 years before I left him. it didn't take five to figure out he was bad for me. if it were me, I would contact my housing agent/ landlord and let them know what was going on. and then I would proceed to move out and leave him with everything he has. I would open a bank account with only my name on it and redirect everything so that my checks went into it. I would work as hard and as long as it took to get up the money to do what I had to do. (I worked two and three jobs just to support us, so...) the next time he hit me, I would call the cops and have him arrested, go on birth control behind his back. I know it's gonna be hard, but everyone deserves better than this, and I know because I've been there. my ex didn't hit me, but everything else sounds right. good luck!

Answer 8

If this is the situation you are in then you need to get out ASAP. This is not healthy for you or a potential baby if you were to get pregnant. You should not have to work to support him unless you want to. He should not be bullying you, kicking you out, using you, screaming at you, or most of all HITTING you. That last one is called spousal abuse and you can call the police on him. If you are the one making all the money I assume the accounts are in your name. Take all the money and go to your moms or other family members house. Get away from this jerk as fast as you can, he does not deserve you and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

Edited to add: I see from your answers on other questions that you already have a baby... so if you are asking for yourself, please for the sake of your child get out of this relationship. You would not want your spouse to do to the baby the things that have been done to you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

DIVORCE! I don't want to sound mean by saying this but, why would you demean yourself with a guy like this? I don't even know you BUT you deserve to be treated a million times better than this...Sounds like you need to speak with a good friend or your family and make arrangements to get out of this situation before you are put in the hospital for something he has done to you. This guy has issues that can't be addressed until he is ready to admit he needs help. Please get out of there asap...this is only going to get worse as the time goes by!

Answer 10

What?? You should have been gone long before this. Why waste time asking this question when you should be packing.
In most states if your only married for that short of time they aren't even entitled to alimony, get out now and never look back.
You are not a victim if you allow it to happen. So either quit complaining or do something about it.
Tough love!