My wife has a history of cheating on me what should I do?

Question

My wife has had several extra-marital affairs, we broke up for the last four months but now we are back together. She wants to have a girls night out everythree weeks, but I dont even know her friends. I get left at home looking after the two (young) kids, I could always go and party with the boys as often
as she goes out but it wouldn't be fair on the kids. She usually always gets really drunk and comes home late and takes speed. I am 30 she is 27 and I thought this sort of life was behind us. If I leave I'll have the kids cause she won't want the
responsibility. Thanks for your listening

Answer 1

Sounds like she needs rehab and a lot of good counseling. If she won't change, you and your kids deserve better. There are probably a lot of women out there who would be faithful to you and not on speed.

Answer 2

I am sorry to say this but you have to leave. I mean she will not stop and probably the reason she wants a girls night out is so she can meet other men. It's harsh but probably true. If you worry about the kids forever you will be unhappy also forever and that is not fair on the kids because I am sure all they want is to see you happy. I am sure you would be a great dad and not need her for anything, anyway she probably is not a good mother. You said it she does not want the responsibility of taking care of the kids. They're her children, how can she not want to take care of them? I have no children and even I can't understand this. The bottom line is you AND your children diserve much better and you just have to be strong and brave. You can try to talk to her and tell her not to go out but probably it will not work and you will just fight. Think about it and just do what is best for your kids they are the most important.

Answer 3

Are you having affairs too or is it only her? Some guys tend to forget to mention that they are cheating as much as their wives... The scariest part about your question however was when you mentioned that your wife is doing speed. If Children's Services finds out about this you have a really strong chance of losing your kids into a foster home. Your kids would be better off without a druggie mother. Demand that she get help for her drug problem or tell her you may leave with the kids. Good luck!

Answer 4

Clubbers usually enjoy attentions out there that's why they club.If shes old and responsible enough,she could have stay home and look after the kids than taking enjoyment part of her life.Once in a while is alright.But if there's history being a cheater,sad to say that they will never learn no change UNLESS her lifestyle changed and that at least proves that she have changed.
Whats more is that she dont even want the responsibility of the kids should things turns out to be sour,what kind of wife or mother can she be since in the past, now and after?
Best of luck to you.I pity you.

Answer 5

I am sure you have try your best to work on your marriage. Such as you forgave her for cheated on you and give your marriage another chance. But it seems like she haven't learn from her mistake, and she not even put any effort to work thing out together with you. She still wanted you to be in her life but didn't wanted to give up on her life styles. If not for you at least she should do it for the kids. I was almost 27( have one daughter from the previous marriage) and my husband was 24( don't have kid and never been married before) when we got married. But my husband is a very responsible and loving husband and believed it or not he have straighten me out in a lot of way. Because of his generosity, I love him more and more each day, which I didn't have much at the beginning of our relationship 7 yrs ago. One thing I learn about our relationship is that we should compromise-able to make thing work. Relationship is about compromise, not scarified. In your case, you should be firm on what she need to work on or else she will loose you and the kids. But keep end up taking her back is not gonna change her. From what she 'd been doing, she might drag you and the kids down as well. You are only 30 and how long do you think it takes to live in this kind of life style? Another 10 years and have the kids suffer as well. Is that what you really want to see the kids growing up in this unhealthy enviroment. You think that kids can't remember what really happened to them when they were young then you are wrong. They do, every minute. Especially. The unhappy moment of their life.

Answer 6

Daniel,
You're in a really tough spot, and I feel for you. Some years ago a family-member of mine was drinking and doing speed, and it altered their personality completely.

Thank God they stopped... but only after I gave them a one-way ticket to another part of extended family to help and told them they couldn't come back till they got a job and earned their way.
They came back, with a job and with a "new lease on life."

Sometimes the only thing to do is let a loved one hit bottom. Because of my experience, I have to advise you leave her, taking the kids, and let her alone with her problems. She'll either sink or swim... and I know that's very, very sad and scary, but sometimes it has to be.

My family member spoke of hatred toward everything as they began to "withdraw," but the anger was there when they drank and everything, too. So the withdrawal was better because at least they got off the drugs.

That's my story... and I thank you also for listening. I can only hope that in some way it's helpful to your situation.
Don't "party with the boys"; it's no fun anymore and your little ones need you very much. Separate one more time, with the little ones, and see what happens.

God bless, as my granny would say...

Answer 7

It sounds like your wife has an underlying problem. There has to be a good reason she is doing this. Try having a talk to her and if she wont then suggest going to relationship counselling. She should try this even if its just for the kids. The children are the most important in this situation. Maybe also try a family intervention. Have a chat to her parents to let them know whats going on but don't be nasty about her to them. Professional counselling is really what's needed here to save this marriage and help those children.

Answer 8

You've been married long enough to have 2 kids together, but you don't know her friends???


I would give her an ultimatum - accompany you to marriage counseling or she is on her own.

A cheater will never stop until he or she understands what led them to the behavior in the first place. The fact that your wife has had several affairs speaks to her lack of insight - i.e. she doesn't appear to learn from her mistakes.

She needs a wake-up call and your kids deserve better examples.

Answer 9

Tough situation. Well you should really have a talk with her. Ask her how serious she is about being a family because the kids need a mom around and if she is not willing to act like one whats the point of having her around. As for the cheating most people never change no matter how much they swear they will so think about whats best for your kids because they are the ones who will be most affected by whichever decision you two make.

Answer 10

Sounds like youre letting her get away with it. Do you love her that much that you give that much freedom.
She needs to realise her responsibilities, having fun is part of life and you still need to get as much as possible. so don't stay in all the time.

girls and boys nights out are all normal activities. but if your wife's cheating on you and doesn't look like stopping after SEVERAL affairs then either get use to it or get out of it.

sounds like you have the kids already >

what does she think of you ? sounds a bit uneven to me.

I am sure theres more to it but , if you can afford to, pack her bags and take the kids then take time looking for someone you want to share youre life with who will give you the respect you deserve.

Answer 11

I'm glad you have your kids welfare at heart. Good-on-you for supporting them as you sound as though you have.
It doesn't seem you're having the best of time here, and you have to map out your future while you're still young. Your wife has issues which she needs to sort out with you and the drugs issue is a very concerning and is a bad example for your kids. Hope you make the right choices from here on.