Where do I go from here...?

Question

Me and my ex of 7 years never officially broke up.. she didn't bother to talk to me about it, or even end it really. I figured we were just having some problems so we didn't talk for about 2 days. Well come to find out she is already in a relationship with another guy. Literally, 2 days later. We had a 7 year relationship, and we have a 4 year old daughter.

This is the second time she did this. She did it about 5 years ago, same thing, didn't talk for 2 days and she was with another guy, but I took her back for some reason..

Anyway, what comes next? How do I deal with this?

Answer 1

You need to cut all ties with this woman, except for your child. Keep it business-like. You need to let her know that you are aware the relationship is over and she will be hearing from your attorney concerning your child. Then call an attorney and find out what your rights are. Move away if you live near her. It's not worth an hour of contact just to tear down your heart again. See her only when you have to pick up/drop off your child.You will probably have to go through some sort of a custody hearing. This woman is bad news. If you can just finally move on and not look back, I promise you that there is someone waiting who is looking for someone just like you. You deserve better. Time makes it better. You'll be alright.

Answer 2

She obviously has some problems. Either 1] She really doesn't want to be with you, and is unsure, or 2] She HAS to be in a relationship at all times. She could've been cheating, which is how she went to someone else so fast, but really, she doesn't seem worth it. You need to gain custody of your child, and find a woman willing to help you along the road and be a respectable mother to your child. If you still want to be with her, however, talk to her. Tell her to stop messing around because you want to pursue a family, and she needs to shape up if she wants to see her kid.

Answer 3

I'm in the same situation...except for 10 years! My first love...I think it's the time to move on and let her go. You'll never forget the moments with her...but why have her come back to you to just break your heart again? Hurt once, hurt bad, but I'm sure you'll learn and you'll find someone else who'll never let that happen to you.

Answer 4

Let her go for good. This is a pattern. She likes to show you that you are insignificant to her and easy to replace. Is this someone you want to waste a lot of time with. She sounds like she is a bad example for your daughter. If I were you I would be concentrating on full custody.

Answer 5

I would bet she was messing around with him all along, not just two days after you weren't talking. She is committing adultery, you have the right to divorce her, or you could let her keep hurting you. It is your choice.

How can you trust her and why would you want someone who treats you so badly?

Answer 6

Get to counseling! Whatever happened, remember that you have a child who needs you. Get a lawyer and get the marriage behind you so that you can move on with your life.

And, if you haven't already done so...start praying for guidance. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I usually don't recommend books because I hate it when people recommend them to me, but I honestly wish I could buy "Love & Respect" for every married (and engaged) person I know. So try and hear me out...

It states that a woman's driving need is to feel loved and when she feels loved she feels happy. A man's driving need is to feel respect and when he feels respected he is happy. When a woman feels unloved she acts out disrespectfully to her husband, and when a man feels disrespected he acts out unloving towards his wife and the crazy cycle begins.

If this is setting off any light bulbs for you read on...

"I wrote this book out of desperation that was turned into inspiration. As a pastor, I counseled married couples and could not solve their problems. The major problem I heard from wives was, "He doesn't love me." Wives are made to love, want to love, and expect love. Many husbands fail to deliver. But as I kept studying Scripture and counseling couples, I finally saw the other half of the equation. Husbands weren't saying it much, but they were thinking, "She doesn't respect me." Husbands are made to be respected, want respect, and expect respect. Many wives fail to deliver. The result is that five out of ten marriages land in divorce court (and that includes evangelical Christians).

As I wrestled with the problem, I finally saw a connection: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Around and around it goes. I call it the Crazy Cycle - marital craziness that has thousands of couples in its grip."

I am not even half-ways through the book and workbook, and while my husband is not studying the material with me it has already worked miracles in my no-longer-failing marriage.

If you do believe in God I highly recommend this biblically based book. It's not a "religious freak" book or anything but it's nice to know that it is based on things in the bible and not just some theory or pop psychology book, and it's been a #1 seller for over 2 years now... it's working for thousands of couples!

Answer 8

Get rid of her. Move on. You shouldn't stay with her if she's cheating on you.