Break promise to daughter? Her friend is sneaking around seeing a 36 year old man. She is only 15.?

Question

My daughter, and I have a great relationship. She tells me everything, and she is very concerned about her friend. I promised her I wouldn't say anything. I don't want to betray her trust, but I feel this should be told. In my opinion, it's child molestation. My daughter is 16, and very mature for her age, and she doesn't believe in breaking a promise. Something I have taught her!! But I feel this is a different situation. Please help. We live in a small town, and if this comes out, WATCH OUT!!!! My daughter is the only one who knows about it, so the girl will know who told!!!

Steven, it's not my daughter, it's her friend!!!

I definitely realize that I am a Mom first. Just because my daughter confides in me doesn't mean that I don't know that. It means that I have raised her to come to me with any problem she may have.

I just wanted to add that I promised before I knew the situation. I realize now that I shouldn't have done that.

Answer 1

Who CARES about promises with a situation like this!!!

She is FIFTEEN years old and obviously naive, HE is 36 and should KNOW better than to break the law, and YES that is VERY illegal! Breaking a promise or not, you have the responsibility as a parent, as a woman, and a caring human being to put an end to this situation before she finds herself locked in his basement being ordered to put the lotion on the skin or she'll get the hose again!

Your daughter's friend should get down on her knees and THANK whoever is running this freakshow down here on Earth that she has a friend like your daughter that will go to whatever lengths she has to to keep her friends safe. Opinions are irrelevant at this point, a life needs to be saved here....you know what to do, Mom, so go do it!

Answer 2

If it's really that small a town, I'm sure your daughter is not the only one who knows or suspects. The little old widowed neighbor ladies sit up all night watching for this type of scandalous thing, and just never say anything. Of course it could all also be a big second hand lie. Sometimes teenage girls make up elaborate stories and boyfriends for each other to get attention from friends, because they don't really have a boyfriend and feel left out, or just to look rebelous.

I bet your daughter made you promise not to tell BEFORE you got the whole story. So now you feel trapped. But if it's true, you are the adult here, and have been imparted with first hand knowledge of a crime. It is your duty as a parent and citizen to report this.. Promises are not worth lives, and it may be this little girls life we are talking about. You have to do something to stop this child molester.

Slyly find out through your daughter when and where her friend and the pervert are to meet next. Do they sneak out every night, or just certain nights of the week? About what time? You need details. Then when you suspect it is happening, call the cops and place an anonymous statutory rape tip. They'll go investigate, and hopefully bust them without you or your daughter ever having to be directly involved. They will drag her friend back home in the middle of the night, tell her parents who they found her with, and the parents will put a stop to it or press charges. At a minimum, the police will go wake the family up to verify if the daughter is actually home and in bed alone. The family will wonder what it's all about but keep a closer eye on their kid.

If it were me, I'd just say "Sorry honey. Sometimes parents have to break promises for good reasons". Then I'd call the 15 yr old parents and tell them everything my daughter told me. Let them figure out if it's true or not.

If it is true and still continued to happen, I'd call Child Services to have her home investigated, because if the parents don't stop it, there are likely bigger problems with the child's home life..

Answer 3

First of all this man is a pedophile. Secondly protecting your daughters 15 year old friend is alot more important than keeping a promise. You need to tell the friends parents or the proper authorities about this man and then you need to sit down and explain to your daughter that sometimes you need to break a promise to protect someone you care about who may be in danger. She may lose this girl as a friend for a while but I'm sure as this girl matures she will understand why you did what you did. Her safety is the more important issue here not a promise to keep a secret. If the situation was reversed wouldn't you want to know?

Answer 4

I agree, this is a different situation and still aTough call. But in your heart of hearts wouldn't YOU want to know if YOUR 15 year old child was running around with a 36 year old? Is it possible for you to talk to this friend of your daughter and disuade her? Or go to the police and let them know what's going on? A guy 36 really has some issues if he's tapping a 15 year old. Regardless, if something bad comes of the situation and you knew about it beforehand, how are you gonna feel then? Good luck!

Answer 5

PM,

I agree it's child molestation - and is probably illegal in your jurisdiction - certainly is here in Aus.

It must be stopped - the guy is sick and could do damage to that child regardless of what either of them think. Therefore the need to protect her comes above the need to keep a promise, the risk is just too great.

So you must go to the cops and make it all come out. If he is attracted to very young girls this may not be the first time - he may be a real predator who must be stopped.

I recently found out that someone I knew was a child molester and I would never have suspected it - they lurk around - relying that we all want to think the best of people.

Out him I reckon - have it done!!!

Apologise to your daughter that you must break the confidence - but you'll find she will be relieved - cause she knows you are good mum and will make the right decision.

Then off to the Police station with you.

Good Luck
Joe

Answer 6

I have a great relationship with my daughter and know where you are coming from. If I promised my daughter I wouldn't say anything, I would not violate our trust first of all. I would talk to my daughter so that we may come up with a solution to get this pedophile off the streets or at least away from this child. If your daughter is very mature for her age she will understand that action needs to be taken to resolve this matter.

Answer 7

you need to tell your daughter that someone needs to know about it that the situation is not safe and that you will always keep her promises unless it is about someone being in harms way. Just ask her how she would feel if something happened to her friend and she could have saved her by letting you come foward some things are well worth someone being angry for awhile she will get over it with time and forgive you. Just please do something about it because it is totally wrong for a 38 year old man to be with a 15 year old that is molestation among other things.

Answer 8

think about it this way. and im only saying if.... if that were your daughter messing around with a 36 year old man and others knew about but you didn't wouldn't you want to know. because in the eyes of the law that RAPE. and there are some promises that need to be broken for the safety of her friend no matter how much it hurts to brake that promise and you need to explain that to your daughter. i'll say a prayer for you. good luck.

Answer 9

This promise isn't a real promise. This promise was for you to be the adult and do the responsible thing that your daughter can't do. You tell the girls parents and you notify the police. The health and wellbeing of a 15 year old girl is in your hands. Your a mother first and a friend second. Don't forget that.

Answer 10

You could some how set it up so you catch her friend sneaking out to see the man. I agree with you this is child molestation and something needs to be done about it. There has to be a way to catch them together and her not know that your daughter had anything to do with it.