Am I overreacting? Does he really have a problem???

Question

I've been in a relationship for 5 years in which we have a 2 yr old son. He has always had a problem when he drinks, starts trouble and emotionally completely abandons me. He has humiliated me, came at me like he was gonna hurt me, brakes items, runs out of the house overnight, this is all when he's drunk. The most recent time this happened was about 2 weeks ago I ended crying myself to sleep. I know he has a problem, we've been trying to work out the relationship but he always wants to drink, not a lot, he says a beer maybe two but I know that always leads to 3 then 4 and then out of control. He thinks I want to control him, but it's not a control thing it's a trust thing, I'm traumatized by the things he has done, and I don't feel comfortable when he drinks... he always ens up breaking my heart. Me imposing with his drinking has made him distance himself from me. Does he really have a problem, is he an alcoholic? What should I do, leave? Are my reasons justified?

Answer 1

Hello, I am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having to deal with. First off, after coming from a long line of alcoholics and many other addictive people in my life, I can sincerely tell you that right now, there is no relationship between you two. There is you. There is him. and there is his addiction. He is abusive. You have described ABUSE to a t. You are a victim of abuse. The question here is, are you ready to begin learning to love yourself enough to stop the abuse? If you are, then get yourself some help to learn how to deal with the abuse, and to help you cope with the effects on you and your child from it.
Secondly, as far as his problem goes...and yes, he has a big one, you have no control over whether or not he will drink. The more you "impose" on his drinking and his addiction, the more he will pull away from you. That is standard addictive behavior. To make your life easier, to ease some of the abusive and angry temper tantrums he is having, don't impose on his drinking. Don't ask him to stop, don't empty his bottles, etc. etc. etc. Do not make any excuses for his behavior. In fact, pretend when he is drinking, that everything is normal and when you get to a point where you begin to feel uncomfortable, or uneasy in any way, then leave with your child. You do not have to explain anything to him, make up excuses, etc. Just go, and stay away until you know he has dried out. If this is not possible, and his anger increases, which it will because he is angry at himself(not you) and you begin to feel more and more uneasy, or the violence increases, which it probably will, then have him physically removed from the premises. I realize how hard this will be for you, and this will be one of the hardest things you are going to have to do, but for your sake, and now for your child's sake, you must do something. Alcholism continues from generation to generation because our children watch us and learn. They grow up thinking that this behavior is normal and acceptable. They don't yet know it's abuse, but they will because one day chances are very good and high that they will end up on one end or the other of the abusive cycle.
Good for you for seeing this now, and thinking it's time to change this for your child and for yourself.
Only he can change himself, and until he is willing to admit that he has a problem, and yes it is a big one, nothing will change except that it will more than likely become worse. The question for you is this...how long are you willing to allow yourself to be abused? How long are you willing to allow your child to be abused? If you are at a point in your life where you are ready to begin learning to love yourself enough to say "enough is enough", then you are ready to take whatever steps you must to protect you and your child.
Please, go get some help. You will need it to get through this, and you are going to need it to help give your child the skills they will need in this life to not find themselves in the same position some day.
I wish you the very best, and I am proud of you for being courageous enough to come here and ask for advice. You are stong, and you will be okay. Take care...

Answer 2

He's definately an alcoholic honey, but I don't think leaving him is what you want to do. I think you love him dearly and when he's sober, he's probably a completely different person. If that's the case, run a camcorder when he's drinking and then show it to him when he's sober. It'll be an eye opener and maybe get him to admit that he's got a problem he needs help with. Alcoholism is a disease, and it can take over a person's life. Don't let it take two lives sweetie. When he's sober, talk to him about what it's doing to your relationship. Tell him it's gotta change or this isn't going to work. Yes, it'll hurt, but this isn't what you signed up for.

I wish you luck and the strength of God...you are going to need it.

Answer 3

He is a binge drinker. Tell him you don't want to control him, but you want him to learn some self control. Yes, you are justified in leaving because an alcoholic won't turn their lives around until they hit rock bottom. As long as he has you and his son he will use you like a crutch. He will blame you for his problems and will never make any effort to fix things himself. If you leave you might not get back together with him, but I would make that his choice.

Answer 4

Yes he is an alcholic, you're not helping by trying to force him to quit drinking. He isn't going to quit unless HE recognizes that he has a problem and when HE wants to quit if ever. You blame HIM for "always" breaking your heart when it is YOU who are to blame. YOU are still there STILL allowing it to happen. I suggest you visit Al Anon and then learn to be responsible for your own choices in life rather than blaming someone else because the choices YOU make don't turn out the way you fantasized.

Answer 5

Hey Tori, good to begin with if buddy 1and two are treating you dangerous then they particularly don't seem to be your peers in any respect. There is not anything mistaken with you both your just a bit depressed. Its common. I comprehend the way you suppose. I'm the identical method on the subject of expressing emotions. You will have to be aware of what makes you glad like your track and cognizance on your self extra proper now. If you and your mother are near you will have to speak together with her or discover any one almost you to speak to. Bc believe me it will get worse if you happen to preserve the whole lot bottled up within.I wish I helped a few girlie Goodluck :-)

Answer 6

Call Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. It is free and they have the best help you can get anywhere on the planet. Do it asap! Don't wait.

A person is an alcoholic anytime their drinking causes problems.

Answer 7

Yes he has a problem. He is an alcoholic, among other things.
Yes he doesn't respect you.
Being drunk is not an excuse for doing stupid things.
Yes, people shold be able to drink in moderation, but he is not responsible enough to do so, so he shouldn't have the privledge of being able to do so.
He needs counceling for his addiction, you both need counceling on the state of your marriage, or you need to leave.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Yeah, he has a problem.. he is an alcoholic.. and i would DEFINITELY be careful with him... When people are drunk they don't really understand what they are doing and he could possibly hurt you or your son while he is drunk and not even realize it...

If i were you I would leave.. maybe it will make him realize that he has a problem.. and maybe he will get help so that he can get you and his son back....


Your child shouldnt have to go through that.. he will learn from everything he sees, good or bad....

Answer 9

hi there sorry to hear about that you know what you are not the only one i am also going thru the same problem when ever he gets drunk he starts fights and i have left several times but he comes back promises to have changed but remains the same after i go back i dont know why i am with him becoz i fear for my life but what i can tell you is if you decide to leave let it be for good don,t make the same mistake i have made of coming back becoz he will never change but keep takibg you for a fool.

Answer 10

Sounds like he has a drinking problem...
You have two option;
1. Leave, no woman should be in a relationship like that, especially if you have a 2yr old...you have to consider for his safety as well as yours.

2. Seeking counselling, professional help...before it is too late.......