Would you put up with your husband staying out late?

Question

Cheating isn't the issue. It's the alcohol. He likes good times with friends and the party never stops. He never misses work, and he never leaves me without money for the bills and stuff. That doesn't mean I'm happy. I'm just somebody that lives with him. I'm considering leaving him. Just move to a studio apartment, where all I have to deal with is myself. I've told him all this, how much it hurts me. But, it's to the point I just want to walk out the door and never come back. And he gets it...as long as he is sober. I've given him the alcohol or me choice..guess who won! Of course initially he chooses me and quits drinking, but four or five months down the road it's right back to staying out all night on drunken binges. I can't take it anymore. What do I do? Leave? And if I leave, what happens next? Do I need to file for Divorce and prove ownership of certain property? Also I have to add that he was arrested for two DUI's in one month!

Answer 1

It is obvious that he has a drinking problem.... there is really very little you can do to change his habits..... it is a sickness and one that he has to want to treat and change. Maybe it will take you actually leaving him for him to get the point....every time you give into him and stay because he says he will change you are allowing him to go back on his word. Sometimes it takes tough love and that means walking away.

Answer 2

Little boys who dont grow up face reality the harshest , put itching powder in his underwear the next time he does an all nighter and then tell him he must have picked something up in the men's room's of the bar he was in he'll flip and behave if that doesnt work I'd go the studio apartment do you have any idea the freedom and space of those things?.

If it was during the marriage you acquired things then you have right's 50/50 . Go see a lawyer or ring legal aid .

Good luck.

Answer 3

He should have thought about that before he got married. Once you're married you can't make decisions by yourself. You have the right to tell him he can't stay out late and what time he should be home, its fare if you both follow the same rules. Talk to him about how you feel, if he doesn't understand and change then leave him and find someone else or stay single for a while.

Answer 4

I would find a good attorney and leave him. Focus on yourself get that studio apartment you were talking about. He should be treating you like a wife, not a roommate, not a maid, not a business manager. it's clear all he cares about is alchol. I am sure there is somebody better out there for you, someone when he comes home from work should be quality time-couple time- and not grab the booze.
you might also find some support groups too, but whatever you do, don't ever let any man ruin your happinness.

Answer 5

I think you need to suggest AA. Then I think you need to move out. You need a place where you can feel comfortable, think straight, and be productive. He needs to realize what is important to him and make those changes. He has to make this decision, nothing you can say or do at this point is going to change him. He needs help. He needs rehab before he kills someone or himself. This is very serious. Waiting for him to change with no consequences of his actions will turn the days into years of more of the same. You don't want to wake up to what's going on 10 years from now. Don't sacrifice your life to worry about his. He doesn't even appreciate life right now.

Answer 6

he needs to grow up and become a man.
i wouldnt like my hubby to do as yours is doing and if he isnt willing to get help, i wouldnt stick around.
when you got married, it was because you wanted to build a life and future together, not so someone can be responsible and the other can party.
how old is he?
do you have children?
he needs to wake up and see that he is not only going to lose you but eventually he will lose his job, his home, his health and his self respect.
if you truely want to stay with him and love him, then you need to talk to him about seeing someone and getting help.
no more going out unless its with you and in a controlled environment.
you shouldnt have to put up with this at all.
if he says that he will change, tell him that he has said that before and obviously he cant love you as much as he says, otherwise he wouldnt let his mates and having fun overtake your relationship.
good luck darling, hope he realises what he is doing before anyone gets hurt.
as you said, he has had 2 dui's in a month.
what if he killed someone?
would you forgive him? would he forgive himself?
(ask him that!!!)

Answer 7

What's the source of the drinking down deep? Your his wife and you can't just run away from him during his hard times. What if it was you in his shoes, how would you feel if he was thinking of ruining from your problems. When your married everything becomes yours through thick and thin. Good and bad, your or his, Its a marrieg at least try. stand tall next to him untill its time to stop.

Answer 8

You should leave. If he sees you're really serious maybe he will stop for good. You don't have to put up with his drinking. He supports you but you're always alone. That's no way to live.

Answer 9

Tell him to go to some AA meetings.

He's obviously an alcoholic.

Tell him that if he wished to save the marriage, then he'll change his ways.

Answer 10

Call Alcoholics Anonymous and have them direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. It is free and they have the best help anywhere for you. Do it asap.