Husband's "Best Friend"?

Question

My husband and I have been married for two years, I knew coming into the marriage his "best friend" was a girl. I think before we go any further its important to mention they did sleep together prior to our marriage. I never have met the "best friend", though I have made several attempts. My husband says she hates other girls, and I should'nt force the issue. However my problem is, she always calls him at work, on his cell and never on our home phone. If she finds out I'm within distance of him she'll tell him she has to go or let him go. He started including me in some of thier emails,after me demanding to be included and I couldn't believe what I was reading, he told her over and over again how beautiful she was, that he loved her and they were going to act as the other ones personal assitant. My husband has compared her to me physically alot. Can someone please advise me how to handle this? I feel that I'm reasonable, but at this point it's her or me.

Answer 1

Hi, I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. You are very right in thinking there is a problem here, and it isn't with you. This situation is not a "healthy" situation. It sounds like there is a tremendous amount of immaturity on your husbands part, and also a lot of game playing going on between the two of them.
You are married to him. you are to be first in his life, and not the wishes or whims of his "friend" who also happens to be a girl.
My advice to you is, follow your gut instinct in this. You are so correct in your thinking that it is finally "her or me". Absolutely the only way for you to go. It is time for your husband to grow up, think and act like a man instead of a teenage boy thinking with his penis instead of his mind, and make a decision between the two of you. the fact that you are not allowed to be involved in even meeting her, is the biggest red flag of all. Who cares what she looks like? That doesn't matter. what matters here, is the vow you two took together. What matters here is the fact that the person you are to bond with, trust, honor, and be loyal to, is acting like a wishy washy schoolboy who was caught with his pants down. This is your marriage...not a game. Way too serious here to be thinking that this type of behavior is normal, because it isn't. Please look out for yourself now..take care of you, and be prepared for his choice to not be you, for whatever the reasons. Remember, whatever his reasons...it does not sound like it has much of anything to do with you. He is playing a game, and so is she. The question for you is..how long are you going to allow them to play a very serious game with you, your heart, your mind and your future? take care...and I wish you the best.

Answer 2

"Maybahay should actually means: "Siya ang may ari ng bahay!" That is why she has to clean the house and be the guardian of the house while the husband is away. Formerly, housewife stays at home and prepare everything needed by the family, while the husband had to be out and earn the living needed by the family. The husband looks for the "raw materials" and the wife prepares them to be "edible". Those were the days - and that was a very lovely and meaningful arrangements. But times has changed. House just becomes a "sleeping house ' where every members of the family are so busy "outside". Personally, I really missed those days!

Answer 3

they are both bad news.
my best friend was a guy and i actually told him not to call me as i was getting married etc out of respect for my hubby.
it was hard cos he was a great friend but my hubby did the same with his old female friends out of respect for me.
its not jealousy, its getting rid of anything that might become an issue down the track.
like if we had a fight, he would then be able to turn to his female friend and you never know what it would lead to so we both made the decision to only contact friends of the same sex and that is how it should be.
he has done something so wrong to you.
he basically cheated.
why would they need to "pretend" to be each others assistant?
why did he feel the need to compare you to her?
he should be a man and respect you above anything else.
i wish you all the best.
at the end of the day, its your life and its your choice to do what you feel you need to do.
it may be hard either way but i still agree with you and think you deserve so much better.

Answer 4

this is no platonic friendship, u have been had. But thats done now , retrieve ur husband anyhow from this woman's clutchs , be very very loving to him and win him over and make him slowly n slowly cut off this girl. There's no harm if u call up this girl and tel her how inappropriate these kind of mails are , call her and invite her home for dinner and when u get some moment alone with her ......make it clear now u are a part n parcel of ur husbands life and its u and him now and not her n he and she is welcome to come anytime home but not demanding alone time with ur hubby. Convey this very sweetly n nicely so that she cant poison ur hubby against ur behaviour , also in front of ur hubby make sure he sees u being very sweet to her and then u can act broken hearted in front of him as to why his friend is not accepting u etc etc , u get my point ? this is a battle of wits.

Answer 5

You are right. He should not have female friends of that nature. Get a web watcher and you can find out everything he is doing on the computer. You have the right to have him stop this relationship immediately and if not, divorce him. He is cheating on you and totally disrespecting you.

You just tell him how you feel about it, that it has to stop. If he says he won't stop, then tell him you are filing for divorce. Don't be his doormat. He wants his cake and eat it too. So throw the cake in his face.

Answer 6

You are not reasonable. Your crazy, there is no way in hell that I would put up with that or let alone stay married to someone who would do that. I have been with my husband for a long time. I could not handle that at all.

Answer 7

Yes! You ARE being reasonable..too reasonable in fact. Tell them both to take a hike. They sound emotionally dangerous. Your husband declaring his love for another woman, and letting you read it?

It's called emotional abuse. My ex wife did it...and that's why she's my ex. True to form, she ended up with MY "best friend" in the end, unmarried, living with my kids, telling them to call him "Daddy".

A lot of people are nothing else but totally selfish and full of cr_p. I say, you can do better, and probably deserve better too.

Anyways, you see how complicated these "best friend" situations can become. Say "No!" and proceed to snip it our of your life, citing her as the homewrecker.

Answer 8

Your 1st mistake was not answering or taking the phone off him when she does actually ring and your close by to know its her , your 2nd mistake was demanding to be involved .

You cant be that nieve , you know what's going on deal with him now and get her out of his life .Give him an altimatum , you or her.Tell him to get a new cell number and lose her's .

Answer 9

Tell him it is her or me. No married man has a girl that is his best friend unless he is married to her. If she means more to him than you do you are lucky to have found out. I am not trying to be harsh but the fact that he will not let you meet her because "she hates other girls" is crazy. You are not a other girl you are his wife.

Answer 10

There's something wrong with this situation.

First off, they act as if they're dating each other. She even acts jealous if he spends time with you.

Have you considered that maybe they're having an affair? Wake up and smell the coffee!

He won't even let you meet her. Why is that? If she's just a friend, then there shouldn't be a problem, right?

You need to confront him on this...