I cannot do this anymore. please give me your advice?

Question

Everything I try to put the effort in mending my lack of relationship with my mom, it goes well in the beginning and she slips back into her old self where she manages to "emotionally abuse" but she states that she's looking out for. Everytime I start to have a relationship with her again after periods of silence, she just starts to make me feel bad about myself like I'm less and not good enough. Talking to her does not work, i tried.she think she's right and doing the best for me. should I distant myself from her emotionally? The thought of it is sad.

Thanks guys=) talking to her or expressing myself is impossible she will interpret it as being disrespectful and my unwillingness to change; and talking back instead of just listening to her advice

Answer 1

It would help if i knew how old you are and why you and your mom don't get along what's the reason.

Answer 2

Wow, you are in a tough spot. But here's the thing...she's your mother and no matter what you do, she's always going to think you are still a child. You said talking to her doesn't help, so then don't. Let her make the effort honey. It's perfectly okay. And if she starts with the negativity, simply stop it with a bit of sarcastic humor. For her to hear the words "I know mom, I'll never be as good as you" would be a jaw dropping shock. It'll make her stop and think before she speaks. The more you make those come backs, the less she is going to critcize. And just let the rest roll off your shoulders honey. Your mom is who she is and she's probably never going to change. However, you can change the way you respond to her comments....and that may just be enough to change the entire situation.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, the people closest to us can hurt us the most. I suggest expressing how you feel to her without holding back your true feelings. Let her know that your desire is to have a loving relationship with her. Hear her out. Apologize for anything that you may have done to create the current relationship. Make a pack with her that from that day forth you will make a conscious effort to get your relationship on track and see if she will agree. If she does then just start over building the relationship that you have so long desire. If she does not want to do this continue being patient and I am sure things will work themselves out with your continued positive reinforcement. After all, she does love you.

Answer 4

From my own experience with my mother, I know just how hard this decision is going to be for you! I tried to establish a good relationship with my mother for many years, and found that all it did was make me feel guilty because it did not work. She would also make me feel as if I was not good enough, and this did not do my self confidence any good! I also tried talking to her, and trying to explain how she made me feel, but it was no use, as she would either deny having said things, or she would say she had said them for my own good. Eventually I had to cut off contact with her, because the negativity was having an impact on everything in my life. I have not seen her in over 10 years, and now only speak to her when she phones me, which, thankfully, is not very often. She acts the same way with the rest of my siblings, and they too have reacted the same way I have. I can only assume that people like this are very unhappy about something in their lives. I don't know if my story is going to help you make the decision you need to make, but I hope it will. Distancing yourself from her is certainly not going to be easy, it was very difficult for me, and I only did it after telling her that if she did not change her attitude towards us, I would no longer have anything to do with her. Of course, she denied ever doing, or saying, anything wrong, so I simply stopped contacting her. It still hurts that I don't see her, but it has made a big difference in how I now look at life, and I can once again see things in a positive light. Good luck to you, whatever your decision, make the one that is going to make your life happier.

Answer 5

I totally understand what you are going through. I would distance myself from her as much as possiable, (actually I did-I have not talked to my mom in 7 years) If you have tried unsuccessfully to work things out with your mom many times in the past, then it is time to come to the realization that it will never change, and you have better family and friends. It is hard because it is your mother, but you have to look at things realistically at some point and say enough if enough.

Answer 6

Have you really considered what she is saying to you? Is she just looking out for your best interests? You know she is a lot older and has a lot more life experience than you do. A wise child takes council from their parents. Many people when they get older wish they had listened to their parents wise words. They had to suffer a lot more then if they had listened.

You don't have to argue with her, you can have your own opinion with out making her see it. You can improve your relationship with her, by telling her thank you for her concern and her words of wisdom and of course forgive her for putting you down. She is frustrated that you don't give her words any worth.

Answer 7

i have the same problem with my mom sh eleft when i was yong and i've tried to have a relationship with her over the years i use to blame myself for her behavior maybe i did something wrong but yes you do need to distance your self let her come to you don't contact her and if you need to keep it light and short you may want to seek some sort of counseling or rely on a friend for suppport this will be difficult to seperate yourself at first but for your own emotional well being please try to distance yourself you will be better off in the long run i promise

Answer 8

I don't get why so many moms are like that. Moms are supposed to love their kids and encourage them. Tell them they are wonderful and special. Not put them down and criticize them. You should distance yourself from her. Let her know that you do not appreciate her negativity and emotional abuse and you are not going to put up with it anymore. Let her think about it for awhile. Maybe if you really stay away she'll change. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yes, you need to distance yourself for your own good. My mom is the exact same way and I finally told her that it is my life and if she can't stop criticizing me then I just won't talk to her anymore.

After a few years she came around and only does it once in a while... which is tolerable.

Good luck.

Answer 10

if you loved a dog and everytime you got near it it would hurt you what would you do ?that is what you well do with your mom.