What to do when hubby tells you he wants to leave you?

Question

Just need some words of wisdom - my hubby recently told me that he no longer wants to be married because he is not happy. He says he only wants to be a good father to our 2 kids. He has agreed to go to marriage counseling to see of our marriage can be saved. My problem is that I am so hurt by what he said to me that I don't know how to live my daily life without those words going thru my head. What do I do?

Answer 1

You will never forget these words as long as you live i know because my husband said the same thing to me 10 years ago. Even though we did get back together, how do you erase (I don't think I love you anymore) then he moves out. I didn't know why until after he moved back home which by the way was 2 1/2 years later that It was all over another woman the hole time. It was very hard to pretend everything was alright when inside you are dying. Unfortunately there isn't a thing you can do but let him go,if he loves you he will find his way back to you.

Answer 2

Not being happy in a marriage does not happen overnight and always there are both parties to be blamed. Look back at yourself - has something changed in you over the last few months or year. Have you been giving attention to your husband. Sometimes when you have kids they take up all your attention and you think that its all that matters as you need to be a good mother - but what about being a good wife as well.Some men get distanced at this stage at then the trouble starts with the relationship without you knowing it. It is very important that the two of you have special time together almost every day to keep the relationship strong.Never let the romance end in your relationship. What brought you together? What do you think he saw in you? - Have you changed?- Remember Sex is not everything but it is important to a man - Have you been neglecting him?

Answer 3

It is good that he is willing to seek counseling which is rare. He sounds like he wants to be a good father and a husband but communication is you biggest road block.
What did he say that hurt you so much? He didn't want to be married to you? This is more than most receive and a heck of a lot less hurtful. Take advantage of it and go to counseling and communicate. Find out why he isn't happy and then you can express your problems with him and fix it. He doesn't want divorce and neither do you so work through it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I truly believe this! Good Luck :)

Answer 4

I first off would like to apologize to you for someone telling you that you are the problem, and that you need to look at yourself first to fix the problem. The fact that your spouse is unhappy, is not a direct reflection on you. Please remember that. His happiness, or lack of it, is solely dependant upon him, his perceptions, thoughts, feelings, etc.
I know how you feel, by experience, and it really is about as low, and as heartbreaking a feeling as anyone can have next to a death.
My ex wanted to stay in our home, while he slept with my "best friend". Of course, that was a no brainer and didn't happen.
With you both going to counseling together, that is a good thing.
Of course you are hurt. My Lord, this is one of the deepest pains anyone can go through. My suggestion to you is to take the time you need right now to allow yourself to feel everything you need to. Please don't pretend that everything is okay and that you aren't hurting just to please him, or to try to make everything look better. It isn't, and probably won't be for a long time. You both are going through a devastating realization right now, and this is the time for much personal growth first. I agree with the other responder only in this regards. You both will have to grow, and with the help of counseling, and a desire to maintain the marriage, hopefully you can now begin growing together instead of apart. My question for you, though, is can you see your way through the hurt and heartache you are feeling right now to try to remember the good you had? the good things about your spouse, your marriage, and the life you have created together? If you can find a way to do this, it will help you ease the heartache and possibly renew some of the faith, and hope you had with him, and in him, and yourself which you will need to get through this.
I wish you the best and most importantly right now, please take care of you. Think about what it is you really want, and need from your marriage, from him, and from this life. Take care..

Answer 5

Try to be happy though it's hard... But you just said that he agreed to go to marriage counseling and that is a good thing. It means that in his heart, he is still hoping that you can make your marriage work and get through this situation.

Live your life by loving him more and understanding him. As long as he hasn't cheated on you then it would be easier for you to show him how much you love him.

Good Luck! Everything will be just fine.

Answer 6

I dont think it's coming in a sudden ....Bang! He said that.
There must be enough squablings between the 2 of you.

Unlike women who easily say "get divorced", men usually take longer to say it .

I think, frankly, as he still willing to go to a marriage counselor, he still have a hope;

What was happened so far (you think) that makes him feel unhappy?.
What did you do or not doing, what are the main disagreement between the 2 of you?

I think, what you should do is introspection .
If you find no fault in you, then he's unhappy feelings is out of your control, you just have to release him.

The fact that you feel hurt, sound that your husband is a nice person, maybe haven't got the money as much as you wish he can . Or maybe he feels that he cant make you happy whatever he does.

Answer 7

boy this is rock and hard place deal isn't it? There is good news tho ... you go to counseling and maybe things will work out the worst case scenario? you fail. But wait.. that's already happened hasn't it? You do nothing? you fail... but wait that's already happened hasn't it?

Am I being a jerk here or am I telling you that you have NOTHING TO LOSE? Go - right now you've lost everything and pride is a cool gig but it does not kiss you warmly in the night and it does not spoon with you after a hard day. Pride does not pay so good that you should keep it. Right now you've lost and the only thing that leads to the idea that you may keep your family is counseling. So go and see what happens. And if it fails we'll ... maybe fate had another plan.

The only win deal here is going to counseling and putting pride aside.

p.s. I hope this helps and your in my prayers.

Answer 8

You're facing the wall and you need to make some serious choices..fast. if you think it's bad having to hear honesty from a husband..try getting and being dovorced. You still have a chance, don't be a fool and throw it away because your feelings are being sensitive.

The pain of divorce is many times worse than the slight discomfort of hearing honesty expressed in a marriage. Seriously, you need to mature rapidly and see the MASSIVE THREAT that is coming your way, and choose the path forward for you and your kids. The MASSIVE THREAT is the end of your dream, your marriage, and you have just as much to do with it as your husband.

Start with your own words and contribution, then forgive yourself and him, and put away the spraycan of BLAME, so you can fix up a fairly normal situation in any marriage.

If you want to focus that path on your feelings alone, then you'll lose your way.

OVERCOME, don't SUCCUMB!

Good luck.

Answer 9

I cried a lot. But never begged him to stay. We did the counseling thing (they told me to get a hobby and get a life outside my family.

Try to remain calm (for the kids sake). Sit down with your husband how he sees division of the property.

I told my husband he could keep the boys as they needed a father more than a poor mom.

He decided he didn't want the divorce, I went back to school so I could become more independent with a well paying job after the boys were grown.

We are still married... 38 years. go figure.

(so sorry he is "not happy" I am sure you are turning cartwheels) Main thing is to make sure he does not walk away with no responsibilities and free to act like a bachelor.

Answer 10

You must have known he was unhappy. It couldn't have been this big, huge shock. At least he is trying to make it work. Be glad he was honest and didn't use it as an excuse to cheat. Go to counseling and try your best to fix your marriage. A lot of husbands don't even bother to try. That is if you still love him and want to be with him. Which I think you do or what he said wouldn't have hurt you.