My 15 year old daughter lived with her daughter up until a few weeks ago in another state. He moved due to job reasons. We divorced about 5 years ago.
She came to stay with me in the summer with the hope that her Dad and I would get back together.
However, I still feel that he is controlling and micromanages each issue. He can also be verbally mean.
He has asked me sell my furniture items in storage. I said these are my things, don't worry about them. He said "You still have not changed and still think in terms of I and we."
I feel like if I go back and live with my ex-husband again, I will be stifled and not have the freedom to live and grow.
Yet, my daughter is not happy with me here since I still live with my parents.
I want to do what pleases her. But, I don't want to sacrifice the rest of my life.
2007-08-23 16:47:21 · 13 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As for going back to your ex think of it this way: If you went to the refrigerator, pulled out the carton of milk and found it was soured, would you put it back hoping that the next day the milk would be good? Use the common sense you were born with.
I went back with my ex because we had a 5 year old continually asking for him which would break my heart. I felt guilty for not giving her her Daddy.She and I both felt better
once we were all back together for about 6 months. I got pregnant with our second child who was born with special needs and within two years, Daddy took off and simply left a note saying he'd decided he didn't want the responsibility of being a husband or father. He's had had little or no contact with kids since 1996. He still ran around, lied and was just as ice cold as the first time around.
As to your daughter, she's 15? Think about it. In 3 years she'll either be at college or basically out on her own in some way and have her own life. What will you have? A marriage to a man that stifles you and micromanages your life and makes you miserable? Ask yourself if that is what you want your life to be like and answer yourself honestly. You'll have your answer as to whether or not you should go back to your ex.
Move forward, don't waste your time and try some of life's new experiences. There are plenty out there much sweeter than what you experienced before. For your daughter's benefit, you and your ex can have a civil relationship when it comes to things involving your daughter which I think would be the best for you and her.
2007-08-23 17:30:46 · answer #1 · answered by wifilly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to sacrifice- as I have told you a million times your worth your weight in GOLD. Controlling and micromanages? verbally mean? controlling? You know in you heart of hearts how you will be treated if you should ever return- so why waste your good energy contemplating the negative. Your daughter WILL SURVIVE- this is NOT about her- its about you. Start looking for a little home for the both of you- take her along- get her input- make her FEEL the excitement as it becomes infectious when different things change. Set some boundaries for everyone concerned BUT make yourself the number one in control.
2007-08-24 07:34:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't live your life for your daughter and now that you have made the break stick with it, as it sounds like your ex husband hasn't changed at all. Your daughter will soon be making a life of her own, going out, dating, having fun with friends and I can assure you, she won't be putting much thought into mum and dad. She has her life to live and so do you. Be there for her but also start doing what you want to do.
2007-08-23 16:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are divorced. There is no reason for you to be considering getting back together with him. You must have moved on by now. It didn't work before, most likely, it won't work now. As for your daughter, if she prefers to live with her dad, then let her. You can still be a part of her life. You want what's best for her and if she's doing well with him, then let her stay with him. Just make sure you stay a part of her life. If you want peace you have to find it within yourself. No one can give you that. Except for God of course.Move on with your life. Life is too short.
2007-08-23 16:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is old enough to realize that she can't always have her way. He is your ex - keep it that way. Just love your daughter and tell her you love her and keep spending time with her. Help her to focus on the relationship between you without your father involved - let her know she can have a wonderful relationship with her father too - but it is seperate from you and your relationship with her. Do not go back!
2007-08-23 17:05:53 · answer #5 · answered by geminijeanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell you daughter, you have a life also, and that she will soon be an adult and understand that life does not rotate around her. You have a right to be happy, don't let your ex or your daughter talk you into something you know will end in drama and more heartache.
2007-08-23 16:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by Ellen B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you realize if you go back to him you will be teaching your daughter that letting a man treat you badly is okay? Set a good exapmle for her, be a strong willed woman and tell her being with her dad is not a good situation for you. She will understand some day.
2007-08-23 17:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by nascarhorselover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your daughter a great big hug , then tell her that to protect her now and in the future that it has to be this way, in time you and her father may be able to work things out but right now you each need your own space to think things through.
2007-08-23 17:12:35 · answer #8 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...you need to have some intense, open & honest communication with your daughter.
You have to let her know that you love her, love her, love her & would and are doing what you feel is best for her, as well as yourself, and actually even, her father.
She is coming of age...let her know that you and her father love one another & out of that loved that you were blessed with her, but also let her know that her father & you have learned that how you define love is very different from one another.
Give her the respect of letting her know that she too, has her own definitions of love & that you fear that she would make the mistake of assuming that she can define how much you love her by whether or not you can be with her father.
Remind her that she is coming of age where she will be dating & eventually fall in love & that you hope that she can choose someone who is going to have unconditional love & support for her...someone who is good to her & for her. Let her know that you love her & taht you always will. You can divorce your husband but your parent will always be your parent.
Take advantage of this opportunity & talk to her about unconditional love. Talk to her about teen pregnancy & let her know that you love her no matter what & that you hope she will make good choices.
Remind her that you are making a good choice now.
And let her know how very much you love her.
2007-08-23 17:02:46 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if she is 15 then it is about time that you sat down and had a long talk with her about who is the child and who is the adult...don't let her run your life...you have to do what is best for her and for you..whether or not she realizes that it is the best decision to stay away now, she will when she gets older.
2007-08-23 16:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by jls2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋