Am I doing too much?

Question

My husband feels like he is only needed for his paycheck. While it is true that his income is a major contributor in the household and we couldn't make it if he did not work, I wonder if I do too much. A list of my responsibilities in the home: clean, cook his lunch and supper on his workdays, take care of 3 kids, take care of the pets, do the laundry, take out the trash, buy the groceries, take the kids to their appts, foot the bill on everything extra that is not in our budget, study for school, take the two oldest to school and pick them up every day, run all the errands when needed, buy all the kids clothes and supplies for school. The list could go on and on. I wonder, do you think he is only good for a paycheck because he doesn't do anything else in the family? He gets up, takes care of his toiletries, eats, gets his stuff together and goes to work. On off days, I have to get myself and all 3 kids dressed and the diaperbag packed so we can go out. How do I get him to help?

Hello people! I have a job. I am a nurse and work 12+ hour shifts at the local hospital on saturdays and sundays. My income contributes about 40% to the bills and groceries. And as for the response about doing outside and maintainance work around the house, he doesn't do that either. I have to cut the grass and fix the problems around here or it never gets done. We have our current work schedule this way because we can't afford daycare for 3 kids. I have tried the approach of asking him to do specific things like take the trash to the curb on trash days before he goes to bed. He has not done it and we have missed trash day several times now. What do I do? Make him sleep with the trash if he doesn't take it out?

Answer 1

I've been there before so I know how you feel.....well the best thing to do to let him help you is talk to him on how can he help you out ....make a list for what he can do to help you...but make sure you make him feel that he's needed ....

Answer 2

I agree completely with Julie H - your job is to take care of the kids and his is outside the home. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom and get really irritated when I hear those at home complain about all they have to do. Those of us who work and have children have the same responsibilities you do PLUS a full-time job. See how hard that is! You just have the luxury of having a cleaner house, kids who are on a more consistant schedule/routine, use coupons, are caught up on your laundry, etc. because you have more time to do it. WHY should he have to work all day and then come home and clean the house when you are home to do it? I think you are being completely unfair and disrespectful which is probably the real reason he feels worthless - it is pretty clear that's how you feel about him. When you say "his income is a major contributor in the household....", that is just plain rude. What percentage of the household income do you contribute?

Answer 3

He would help if he wanted. Sounds like he just feels emotionally unimportant to the family. Make him feel like you could not live without him and then have the kids do the same. Run to your husband the moment he gets home (even if you have to get the kids on your plan to go to the door) and smother him with kisses. Tell him how much you miss him when he goes to work, then make passionate love to him like he's been gone for weeks. Talk to the kids about the great things your husband does and they will take on the same loving attitude as you. He may be slightly confused or put off for a couple of days, but he will feel very important if you keep it up. Wish you the best.

Answer 4

I hate to say this....but you have asked a number of questions about your family life, and you do not sound happy. Something needs to be done....I understand doing alot...I am in my internship for my Bachelor's, I have a 3 1/2 year olds on, I am doing work from home....I do most of the household stuff, my husband takes care of most of the bills....It is hard work....but I know that it will not be forever....

If you are that unhappy, you need to changes something...Why do you need to take the kids to school? Isn't there a bus? Why do you have to have the house perfectly clean? Maybe you are expecting to much of yourself?

You have to check your prioroities.....
What is most important?
Family, School, your marriage, paying your bills.....Maybe school needs to wait another semester for you? Maybe you and your husband need to have His and Her lists and switch every week.

Make a one date a month so you both have adult time...

Have the kids do some chores...Dust, vaccuum, do the dishes....This will teach them responsibilities and give you a hand....
Run errands 2 a week...

You just need to get organized or let something go...this is not working for you....

Answer 5

Your job is to stay home and take care of the kids and home. Right now his job is to go to work and bring home a paycheck for his family. Do you have any idea how many mothers would love to change places with you? Most of them have to go to work to bring home a paycheck. You have the luxury of caring for your own children. When the youngest child is in kindergarten, get yourself a part-time job and then you can begin asking for assistance with the chores. Otherwise, it seems selfish of you to want him to help around the house when you are home full-time.

Answer 6

My wife used to feel that way until I added, mow lawn, kill weeds, rake leaves, trim bushes, clean gutters, install garage door, fix plumbing, repair appliances, paint inside & outside, fix roof, keep cars repaired and washed and clean, keep furnace & AC cleaned and tuned up, power wash and seal deck, install new windows, lay floor tile, fix kids' toys, and the list goes on. We then picked some specific chores that she REALLY wanted me to do to help her, Now I had my "own" chores instead of "pitching in." Because we sat down and talked about it and made the choices together, it helped the harmony in the house.

Answer 7

Next time he takes vacation time from work, have him do what you do everyday for just one day and I'm sure he'll begin to appreciate how much you do. The problem is most men don't truly realize how much a woman does each day. If he's reluctant to do this, make it a challenge for him and offer to do something for him in exchange.

Answer 8

Tell him it's a 50/50 marriage and family and to pull a finger out and help around the house.

Answer 9

Hi. You didnt say what your husband does for a living,or how long you have been married.Sometimes men get to feeling that way.Not that its right mind you...But it happens.
My advise is to read, Men are from Mars and Women Are from Venus.This book explains alot.I hope this helps.

Answer 10

This is what I do to mine. Hint to him you need a break. If he doesn't comply... Cease and desist all household duties related to him. No clean clothes... No dishes cleaned that he's used. No food or drinks purchased that he normally requests, and only cook meals you know he detests. He will have no choice but to assist.