calling all 7th-8th grade teachers!help?

Question

im supposed to write to paragraphs about these people what grade do u think ill get and do u have any ideas for it? im in 7/8 grade.
The Huguenots
The Huguenots were French Protestants, who called themselves reformers because they thought the name Huguenot was offensive. They believed that the Catholic Church became to fancy and they wanted to make it more fancy. They didn’t make crosses or any fancy religious objects. Unlike the Catholic Church they believed that forgiveness from God was free and you didn’t have to pay the church money to have your sins forgiven. They believed in doing good works. Your life was decided before birth. They educated both boys and girls. You couldn’t dance or play cards, you were aloud to drink alcohol. They had a very simple life.
The St. Bartholomew Massacre was on the night of August 23rd through August 24th 1572. Catholic Priests and French soldiers murdered more than 8,000 Huguenots that night. The Huguenot Priests weren’t the only people murdered

oops the rest of my 2 paragraphs didn't fit!
heres the rest:
The they murdered any Huguenot that they could, including children. Fish weren’t eaten for days because of all of the dead bodies in the river. The Huguenots that weren’t killed fled to other countries including Germany, Switzerland, England, Ireland, and at some point America. France lost most of their people who had good skills to the other countries because of the massacre. 26 years after the massacre France let the Huguenots practice their religion in 20 specified cities, which was called the Edict of Nantes. 87 years later the Edict of Nantes was revoked. Persecution lasted for hundreds of years after all that happened.

Resources:
http://chi.gospelcom.net/GLIMPSEF/Glimpses/glmps093.shtml
http://www.geocities.com/hugenoteblad/hist-hug.htm
http://www.marist.edu/summerscholars/97/huge.htm

the second time i used the word fancy was supposed to be simple i typed fancy by mistake. thanks for pointing that out!

Answer 1

You contradict yourself in the second sentence.

Why did they think the name Huguenots was offensive? What's a reformer? Connect the parts where you say they were reformers and what they felt should be reformed. They are too distanced.

Are there any people today that have similar beliefs and practice them?

Who was murdered besides the Huguenot Priests?

Answer 2

I'm not a teacher, but I can offer some constructive criticism. I'm not sure if this is for history or english class, but when I was in school, history reports were graded for grammar as well as content.

-Please remove the comma in the 1st sentence.
-You use "they" way too much.
-I'm not sure what you are trying to say in your second sentence and you say "fancy" too much. Besides it should be "fancier" not "more fancy". (shift-f7 will pull up synonyms on Word for you)
-You shift from 3rd person to 2nd person when you start saying "you". Do not do this unless you think the reader was actually there. One can say "One's life was decided before birth." Using "you" is a bad habit and lazy writing.

I'm guessing there is more to it - it trails off. I think you have the gist of it. I hope I've helped you with your grammar. You're more likely to get a better grade with better grammar. Look it back over and I'll bet I probably missed some stuff - I just commented on the big things. Good luck on your homework!

Answer 3

Well right away I can tell you that you're overusing the work "fancy"...overkill. Find a thesaurus. Try to jazz it up a little, I know it's kind of boring material, but write it like you would want to read it. As if it were interesting. Take chances, if your report puts the teacher to sleep and doesn't stand out, you will likely not get the highest grade. Don't be afraid to shock the teacher or add some personal humor and make them laugh while they're reading it. It always works, and nobody else will be doing it.

Answer 4

I see a few minor grammar and spelling mistakes.

You don't need the comma in the first sentence. They believed that the Catholic Church became to fancy.. should be TOO fancy. "You were aloud to use alcohol" should be "allowed to use alcohol."

Be careful with your homophones like to/too/two or aloud/allowed. If you're not sure if you're using the right one, look it up using Google.

A good tip is to type things into Microsoft Word, and it will help correct little mistakes like this.

Other than that, I think it sounds pretty good.