How do we find time?

Question

My husband works second shift from 3pm to 1am (sometimes 3am) Monday through Thursday. I work on Saturday and Sunday from 7a-7p both days. Our only day together is Friday, which is our "gotta get everything done" day. We have 3 small children ages 7, 5, and 11 months. How can we find time to have a love life? I have to sleep so I can take care of the kids, take them to school, etc. He stays up half the night because he says he needs "wind down" time. He doesn't get up until 12:40pm every day. I had a previous question about his porn addiction. One of the answers was maybe I was frigid and controlling. So do tell me where do I get the time to make him perfectly happy in the bedroom?

Oh, and I am also going to college to get my associate degree in nursing. My classes are correspondence so I have to work twice as hard becuase I don't have a teacher to rely on to tell me all the things I will need to know for the exam.

Answer 1

First of all, you cannot make him perfectly happy in the bedroom. Now that is out of the way, maybe he is staying up half the night to wind down by looking at porn?

With all that you have going on in your life (and that's fabulous you are taking the nursing course), something has got to "give". Your husband, regardless of what he is doing to "wind down" does not need to stay up half the night - he probably should be spoken to about going to bed a bit earlier so that he can help out with your children in the morning. If he does stay up later, perhaps he could make the lunches, do laundry?

You have got a lot going on in your life and I think it is unrealistic to expect to make this guy perfectly happy in the bedroom or be concerned about it when there are not enough hours in the day between looking after your children, going to school, working and studying.

Your husband might have a porn addiction as a way to escape from the responsibilities of 3 children, work and a wife who is going to school. A little sit-down talk with the man making a list of who does what, to share the load is in order.

Answer 2

One trick we used to do... We had a detached garage off the alley. We would hire the neighbor girl to sit with the kids while we "ran errands." But the car never left the garage. We would turn on the car radio, and go at it. Something else we did was try to schedule some of the real errands to be done on the way to or home from work so there weren't so many left for the days off. We never had time for long leisurely sessions, but the good news was that when we did get a moment together, we both were so horney that we didn't need long sessions. LOL

Answer 3

That's a tough one. You just don't do things one Friday a month....the most important thing is each other. That has to come first before anything. You are the foundation that the family is built on. Get a sitter for those Fridays and spend time together. Take him fishing somewhere remote and wear something really sexy under your clothes, have fun together. Do something for just the two of you.

Answer 4

Looks to me like you guys have filled all of your time with taking care of your responsibilities, children, and goals.
From what you have described... the two of you did not leave any time for a love life... But that is a choice.
Perhaps if you made it a higher priority... Made a commitment in your schedule... you could do it..
But with that said... I am not saying that the schedule and goals that you guys have set is wrong... This may be your best choice AT THIS TIME.... if so, accept that choice.
If you really want the love life.. you've gotten put it above something else...

Answer 5

Ok, you can only do one thing - try to bring your lives back into sync.

If that means trying to find another job (both of you) then start looking.

Because what you are both doing will eventually tear you apart.

You can't run a marriage with so many things pulling you apart.

Answer 6

If he's using his "down time" to look at porn then he's selfish and you need to sit down and decide what's important in your marriage. I understand that he needs down time but looking at porn isn't down time. Communicate with him and tell him how you feel. Good luck on your studies, it's the best possible thing that you can do for yourself and your children.

Answer 7

WOW i have to give it to you..you have got alot on your plate. Do it on YOUR time...thats what i do. it works for him too cuz he is not expecting it so it turns him on. pick a day that you know he's not in a really irratible mood or when he has had more rest. Just have fun with it. And most of all be happy with where you are and with yourself!

Answer 8

Try for Fridays...get a babysitter to take the kids for the night, then spend as much time as you can with your husband. Do what you can.

Answer 9

first of all if he has time for porn then he has time for you get rid of that crap and guess what all the time he spends doin that he can help you more and then you will have more time ...if he chooses to look at that he is betraying you and your marriage to him let him know its not ok and see what happens if he flips then your problem is way bigger than you think hun...and you know what to all the people who think it is healthy and good find GOD and sit and watch porn with him see how he thinks about it "point made" its wrong and destroys relationships and familys....good luck hun stand your ground....

Answer 10

if you can't fit it in.. trust me i understand the run down..... make one friday a month date night, and have the grandparents or someone watch the kids. so atleast you know.. you may get some here and there... but you have a permanent date one night a month.