I love her, but she has been having an affair since May. I think it will die out, but I don't know how long that will take. She has talked to the guy on the phone for two years, but they just became "romantic" in May. She says she isn't sure if she wants a divorce or not. We've been married for 13 years and I want to stay married. But I can't just look the other way. Should I give her a few more months, for instance?
2007-08-23 15:10:36 · 95 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She can't have both of you at the same time. I know that you love her but you need to stand up for yourself. Is it worth it to love somebody who doesn't love you anymore? She might tell you that she loves the both of you and that is why she is not sure which one to choose. If I were you I would give her an ultimatum. Pick you or the other guy NOW. If she picks the other guy then be happy about it. You'll feel miserable for a while and you might doubt your decision. But sooner or later, as long as you be strong, you will get over it. If she picks you, you have to be sure that you can trust her not to cheat on you ever again. Because if you don't trust her then there is no point of accepting her back. It is good that you love her, BUT, love is a 2 way street. If you love somebody who doesn't love you then you need to move on and find somebody who does.
2007-08-23 15:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by Caitlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
something most people forget, this isn't some new relationship, they have been married for 13 years. You two have grown comfortable with each other, maybe the romance is lost between you two. She is reaching out for an exciting new lover. If you give her more time then she might just become comfortable with her new lover or she might let it go and come back to you. However the thing that you should be questioning is that is this the first romance she has had or have their been more? I think you need to take a trip somewhere for a few days, all alone, and figure out how you wanna spend the rest of your life. My advice is ask her to her face if she loves you. Then tell her this hurts you and that you cant take it any more, well as long as that is how you feel, but what you do is your choice, no one other then you can choose, it isnt her choice, she gave that choice to you when she cheated.
2007-08-23 15:25:10 · answer #2 · answered by indians3452 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why not? You have given her at least 3 months already. Shoot, why not give her a year just to be sure. Why do you even ask? It sounds like she is calling the shots anyway. Do you think that this will be the only affair that she will have? Better think again. As long as you are willing to let her do that, she will take advantage of it....and why not? How can you ever trust her? And, if you can't trust her, what kind of marriage is that? Are you so co-dependent that you can't stand to be alone no matter what she does? Get some help man! Get some counseling!
2007-08-23 15:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry your slutty wife is doing this to you. She's pathetic. Okay? And no offense, but you will be too if you are going to let her do this. You should have left her the SECOND you found out.
I understand you'd hate to end a marriage, but it's not a marriage if she's doing that. And if she's been talking to him for two years, she's been planning on cheating for two years. She does not love you, I'm sorry to say.
She doesn't want a divorce because she's a whore and she wants as many guys as she can hold on to. And of course, a lawfully binding agreement is a great way to hold on to someone.
I'm really sorry she's doing this to you. I'd never be able to do anything like that to someone. You deserve better. You seem like a really decent guy. You'll find someone who won't take advantage of that some day.
But you need to stand up and tell her to screw off. She should have never done that in the first place and she only did it because she knows you're too nice and thinks she could get away with it. Show her the opposite and give her a reality check. She needs to grow up.
2007-08-23 15:19:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should give all the time she needs...(I'm not comfortable saying this...but I bare your pain) you can't do nothing to make her stop..she has to stop on her own the only thing you can do is go to work come home maybe hang out with the boys on a wknd have some drinks u-no..but and I hesitate.....(remain faith-ful, even though you feel it's not right) but if you think about it you have every reason to just say "hey u-no what,I'm gonna get me some p***y 2-nite" but staying good is the long run battle where in the end you shall claim victory regardless if you choose to stay married or not...she will almost hate you for it but she'll respect you the most (only she won't show you) but it will be there...it may die out but you won't really know until you see things different...when she starts acting just into you but at the same-time a little upset for her infidelity...this is where you make the choice to be there for her with a big hug and kiss...and to forgive her...13yrs is allot of your life being just wiped away so really I bare your pain....it's enough to go to jail for, but it's not really worth it
2007-08-23 15:39:08 · answer #5 · answered by capricorn-saturn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many "if" factors here. If she still loves you. If you can get over the infidelity, If you can forgive. If she still wants to stay married to you. Ask her what she wants because you can't repair a marriage alone. I don't know anything about your relationship. Many times a marrriage gets "dull" and stale. There could be problems with money, children,communication, ( women want and need this) your job and so forth. What have you tried and obviously you know but did she tell you or did you have to find out? After this amount of time with this other man and not starting an intimate relationship for such a long time...............my guess would be that he is telling her what she wants and needs to hear and maybe you aren't. That is a very big deal for a woman. Too often men become complacent and women too after so many years. It would appear that she doesn't know what she wants. If she hasn't wanted a divorce by this time.......then she either doesn't love him but needs company, compliments and the feeling that she is a sexual and sensual being. I see hope for your marriage if you both work on it. Marriage counseling may help, but God bless you for hanging in there this long. It doesn't sound like you are a jealous man or a controlling one either. TALK......talk....talk in a calm matter. Express your feelings but don't wait too long. Listen carefully if she will open up to you. Sounds like an infatuation to me. Confront her and ask for a decision but tell her you need to know soon. Good luck.
2007-08-23 15:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No time should be given for cheating because its a sin. If you give her time then you are tolerating a sin and you become part of it. If she don't love anymore, then she must have told you honestly and ask for a divorse. At least she must have shown respect for you.But the fact that she is cheating you is a clear message that she don't respect you. So, why respect a person of that kind? Open the door for her, you can still find a woman much better than her. A lot of woman out there, bro.
2007-08-23 15:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by dats p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a really nice guy but no offence a pushover.
Seroiusly shes married to you she has an obligation to stay faithful and no you shouldnt give her more time to 'finish' the affair. She is clearly using you BECAUSE your not taking a stance. Sit her down and tell her how you feel, ask her why she cheated on you and tell her you wont stand for it. She has to leave this other guy now if she loves you, if she doesnt then you dont need her in your life. She should respect you not treat you like dirt.
Rememeber something like this will always be hard but theres always good times ahead !!!
Goodluck
2007-08-23 15:17:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly why she cheated. There is no consequences. She can do it and you will do nothing about it. She has no respect for you, and she is walking all over you. I would not be surprised if she is also spending your money on this other guy, buying him gifts, etc.... I really don't know how to put this nicely. Get some BALLS and tell her it's over. Tell her to leave. Don't try to work it out because it won't. She is a grown woman and she knows exactly what she is doing, do you?
2007-08-23 15:25:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer is easier than you may think. Ask her one question. Why did you have the affair? Evaluate the answer. You may learn that there are things she wasn't getting from your relationship with her that can be fixed.
People change during their lives. The spark of relationships can fade but the question is are you still friends and partners. Sex can be forgotten, but you do need to trust your spouse.
If you cannot have an honest conversation with her about the problem, then it is time for you to start a new life without her.
2007-08-23 15:18:19 · answer #10 · answered by shakopcool 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋