she is unable to have an orgasm. We've spoken openly about it and according to her she seems to feel an almost, as she calls it, shame with having sex. .She cant let herself enjoy it enough. I think it may be because of the way her parents brought her up, which was a strict christian house. In fact, her mother told her to leave at 16 when she essentially said to her "I've had enough of this religion"
I've thought that it was my fault because I dont seem to be able to perform as well all the time, especially while using condoms. That doesnt seem to be the case according to her. I've suggested sex toys and porn but she is aprehensive about pornographic movies.
anyway, any ideas as to how I can help her overcome this sense of shame with sex so that she can enjoy it?
2007-08-23 15:01:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I've tried oral sex....she is uptight about having a face down there.....no, it doesnt stink....I think it really has something to do with her christian upbrining
2007-08-23 15:26:38 · update #1
Katrina:
you're wrong on every level. She is not at all a christian, and she made the first moves sexually. I wouldnt be dating her if she was a christian. Contrary to your comments, religion can indeed cause serious emotional disturbance, I believe her sexual hangup[s are caused by her parents forcing their religion down her throat. She does get a long with her mother quite well, and she likes me too.
I dont use her for sex either...I mean, we have a lot of it, but it's not all just that
2007-08-23 23:48:37 · update #2
Since we are a product of both nature and upbringing, you are probably right to suggest that as a reason for her reticence to make love or to feel guilt. However, despite the fact that she may have said "I've had enough of this religion", this is something that is a part of her. It is a part of her personal morality.
Really, it isn't her internal workings that is causing the biggest problem. What you have to understand is that women often want to please their men in deference to their wishes or own well-being. I'm guessing that deep down she really does not believe it is right to have sex outside of marriage nor to look at pornographic movies. However, she is willing to endure and go against her internal morality to make you happy.
If this is the case, both of you need to reevaluate your actions and motives. She should be strong and be true to herself and you should want this for her. For your part, you know you are getting the milk for free and are trying to alleviate the problem so that it flows more readily and so that it isn't skim milk. This is a selfish behaviour. Instead of trying to change who she is by trying to change her convictions, you should learn what they are and why.
While it is hard to get a good picture of the situation from a couple of paragraphs, I think you should worry less about your sex life and think more about your relationship. I know I was in a similar situation that your girlfriend seems to be in now. I don't believe it is healthy. I fear that you will esteem her less and less if you continue to cause her to be untrue to herself. It is quite possible that in the end you could end up only using her to satisfy your desire to consume milk as you will no longer desire her for her character and integrity. I hope that is not the case. I do wish both of you the best of luck.
8/25/07
I am confused why you say that I said she was a Christian and why you would send me an email with profanity. However, from reading your addendum to my attention above, I still wonder why you "allow" her to have sex with you if she is having guilt for it, since you said in your email that she is for the most part instigating it. Despite the fact that you said in your email, "I figured I would get someone like you who would say something as stupid as "she's just f**king me to make me happy", from my experience and from various threads from individuals who do just that, that is still my impression and opinion. But as you are asserting, only you two know the truth concerning your relationship.
Regardless of any animosity that you hold towards me, I do with the best for you and your girlfriend.
Have a great weekend,
Kat
2007-08-23 15:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by Katrina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
2
2016-07-17 07:38:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her to my house. Just kidding.
She should go to a doctor and make sure that it is not a physical problem. If everything checks out OK then she should go to a counselor by herself and talk openly to them. There may be things going on that she does not even realize. It is good that you can talk about it openly, but a professional will be able to help her more. Good Luck. Mike
2007-08-23 15:08:29 · answer #3 · answered by texas mikey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is try to perform Oral Sex..
2007-08-23 15:09:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a sex therapist. Someone who can teach her that lovemaking is beautiful and pleasureable and not dirty and shamefull.
2007-08-23 15:09:07 · answer #5 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋