he has primary custody . she gets every other weekend etc . they did divorce & make a settlement . he continues to ask her to sign away parental rights , and to tell these children goodbye . he calls a lot to annoy /harass . he wont do stupid threats but .....he knows how to push her buttons . she has suffered from mental illness . she is doing very well with therapy and medication . she is /has been diagnosed as depressed. initially she was diagnosed as bi polar on discharge from a mental hospital . a forensic psychiatrist saw her and was able to determine she was depressed and not bi polar . his testimony is what helped her to be allowed see these children . ohh yeah a lot of this was brought on by the traumatic loss of her vision , she had surgeries and anti rejection meds . mental ilness showed up later . side effects of meds ? the s-i-l knows he can say stuff to cripple her . she is strong .but it gets to her . she does have good therapy . she needs apro bonolawyer in dallas
2007-08-23 14:48:33 · 20 answers · asked by Mark H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
three kids ......10 & 8 yr old boys 7 yr ol d girl , s- i -l winds up with marrying her best friend . her little girl was play date for 7 yr old girl ...........nowwwwww .. they are roomates ....with .bunkbeds . and the house where the best friend and her lil 7 yr old girl lived . ARE ABOUT 400 FEET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE WHERE THEY LIVE NOW . HER EX STILL LIVES THERE !! DOES ANYONE THINK THESE KIDS MIGHT NEED COUNSELING ??
2007-08-23 15:01:08 · update #1
Mature answer: Ignore him and let him be, what goes around comes around.
What I would do if it were a friend or family member of mine: Well, he may not remember who he was after the beating he took from a stranger in an alley one night.
2007-08-23 14:52:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 5⤋
First of all you could learn the Laws where you live and that's easily done via internet or going to the Courthouse. You can do Pro Se Motions where no attorney is allowed for either party--petition the Court for your cause and it will be seen before a Judge and go from there.
Her depression could likely include what the ex-husband did and continues to do.
She does need to document things and learn when he starts his verbal abuse is to tell him "I'm not going to take this anymore and I'm hanging up" or she can let the answering machine pick up and as he starts to leave a message p/u the phone and let him know right away that the call is being taped. If he has a problem with calls being taped then maybe he won't be so verbally abusive or he'll say no and unless it has something to do with the children he won't say a word--end of conversation that he wanted.
It would probable be a good thing if the children were in counseling.
Even with her conditions, she could possibly be a better parent than the father and missing her children could bring on depression besides her vision problem. Good Luck!!!
2007-08-23 15:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mignon F 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can see my husband getting that angry, but he's a nurse, and if he were ever in that kind of physical altercation, he would lose his license. Your ex was lucky he was dealing with a cop who was willing to bend the rules. My husband has been very patient with my stepdaughter's husband, who has been extremely verbally abusive with her. They are both physical when they argue (throwing things, hitting things, but not each other). My husband has told her over and over that she has a place to stay here, if it ever gets bad enough for her to leave. His thought is that she's an adult, and she has to work it out on her own. She did leave him for about 2 weeks right before Easter, after a huge argument where he was "threatening" enough for her to call the police. He never actually touched her, but picked up a curtain rod and was hitting the couch with it. She stayed away until he agreed that he needed to get some help (she is already in counseling). So far, so good. We haven't heard much from her, so we're assuming no news is good news.
2016-05-21 03:31:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As my lawyer said to me when I started procedures, " You need a bully and if you cannot defend yourself right now, you need someone who can." You sound like such a wonderful and devoted mother. She is lucky to have you as I am lucky to have my mother during my difficult times. I say interview at least 3 lawyers, make sure you have the one who likes to fight, who hates to loose. It is always better when your lawyer is a competitive individual. Before and after you get said lawyer try not to let your daughter speak with him alone. Any conversation needs to be taped. Ask your new lawyer to set up times he may call her and times in which she may speak to the kids without interference. If she has a time reference it will not be so stressful. I will not kid you - It will take money. My divorce took about 50 grand and took a period of 3 years, but he lost. He still cannot deal with that and calls and harasses me..so now we have a suit for slander and harassment against him..and back child support. The mother needs to be with the child. I see a definite issue in her mental health, but if you can establish that it is pure depression and not bipolar episodes you have a shot. When she is a bit better why not have your new lawyer have both parents evaluated...lets see how he comes out when being questioned. If you need any advice on getting through those tests, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. I will help you with any advice I can.
2007-08-23 14:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by CherryCheri 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree, she needs a good lawyer. Quite frankly because this is going to be complicated, I'm not so sure too many of them would be lining up to take this on. My advice to you would be to contact the law professor in your local college and see if he would take on the case as a class project. You'd be amazed at what eager students would come up with as a strategy.
In the meantime, help your daughter start a journal of each encounter with the ex..even phone calls (dates, times and items discussed) and then start taping some of these conversations with this man. Make an appointment with the guardian adlitem who sat in on the case to discuss her concerns and explain how difficult the ex is being when it comes to her contact with the children. Do the same with the social worker.
You could go as far as petitioning the court for a no contact order with this man (which might be a good idea considering her circumstances), but then you would have to act as the mediator when it comes time for visition so that she too, obeys that no contact order.
Honey, I wish I had better news for you. It truly is a complicated situation. I can understand why the children aren't with your daughter, however, I don't understand why this ex of hers has been allowed to carry on like this. He's keeping her broken down and in a state of depression. She has enough going on just simply trying to function and be the best mom she can be given her situation. he shouldn't be allowed to do this and it might be good for you to step in until she's well enough to stand up to him.
2007-08-23 15:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
have her document every threat/harrassment/anything that he does with exact details, time/date etc. (if she can't write cuz of her vision, she can do it in a tape recorder) until she can find a lawyer. btw, what does she want a lawyer for, to get custody? or what?
She can also easily file a restraining order against him and he will have to stop calling her and won't be able to be around her at all (probably better for her mental health) but he might get stubborn about it since the exchange of the kids would have to be done through a third party (you or friend or neighbor, etc.) and try to withhold visits, but thats when her records of his harrasment will come in handy because he cannot legally withhold her from visiting her kids and if he tries to get the orders changed, the judge probably will not revoke her visitation rights when she has made the correct legal action to prevent him from harrassing him (hey, there are corrupt/unjust judges out there, but 99% chance it will be ruled in favor of her, courts like kids with their moms even if they are a little messed up).
PS. Copy those documents so that you can have more than one in different locations, just in case!
2007-08-23 15:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by Jenni P 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't ever under estimate the intelligence of children because in the long term He is going to be the looser. As the saying goes "The truth always has a way of surfacing".
While she is really bad, I think its wise he looks after the daughter / children.
I know of a guy who did this to his ex wife who developed schizophrenia and harassed her to get her to sign her rights away to having the twins, but to this day they still prefer mum.
2007-08-23 15:05:53 · answer #7 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's so hard when there are kids involved. As a Mom, we all know how hard it is to not see our babies all the time. It sounds as though your daughter is going through a lot right now, and so are you. I wish I had some good solid advice, but all I have to offer is my prayers and compassion for your situation. I have had one man after another who "pushes my buttons", and God will keep bringing them into my life until I learn how to deal with them. I hope you both get the support you need to get through these difficult times.
2007-08-23 14:58:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
1st - carefull getting in the middle. 2 - realize there are two sides to every story. 3. Keep it simple. Have her document everything, but no war stories or he said she said stuff. Just document bonafide things she is doing pro kids pro herself. And document his obstructing her right to see children in a factual business like way. (for later when she gets her day in court) 4. Have her learn/ read all on dealing with bullies and mean people. 5. Find the local legal aid office in the county the case was tried. They will file at a reduced rate.
He is pretty sick it sounds like. Parental Alienation is wrong. Good luck.
Note to a responder below - and yes I gave them a thumbs down. The OP said pro-bono lawyer. The responder described spending what? $50K over 3 years? Was back child support worth it? Was winning worth it? Poor kid(s) that's $50k they'll never see. Coulda payed for some college? Yes? No one wins in divorce. Good luck to the OP.
2007-08-23 14:56:50 · answer #9 · answered by Delay 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
yes he needs to stop all this non sense. she does need to turn the other cheek when he says stuff and let it go in one ear and out the other. i would get a lawyer and talk to them about this.. and get him to quit playing one parent against the other. no one will benefit doing that and the kids will suffer the most..she just needs to make her time with the kids the best weekends and they will let there dad know that they had a good time.. and if hes smart and sees that the kids really can have a good time with you maybe he will lay off you. i wish you luck
2007-08-23 14:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What a very sad situation. The kids definitely need counseling as soon as possible.
2007-08-23 15:11:33 · answer #11 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋