Not to be cocky but I'm smarter than her...will that doom the relationship?

Question

Sounds like a sham of a yahoo question but its not. I'm really interested. I want to marry this girl because she is so sweet and kind. However there is an age, experience and intelligence gap. Its pretty substantial. I do feel compatible when with her but sometimes I am amazed/dumbfounded by let's say, her level of not comprehending something that seems pretty elementary and basic.

Was your marriage like that? Is it still going ok? I am scared because this is number 2 for me and number one had her own shortcomings.

I should first qualify that I treat all women as definitely smarter than me - as men we can't forget that. But in this case I'd like some thoughts please -

Fantastic responses everyone. Thank you

Answer 1

Ok.I will say first you have to be REAL with yourself when I say REAL I mean the deeper possibly embarrasing and painful REAL with yourself. Examine the things you did in your first marriage that may have caused problems. Your past that now so you should have a much clearer view honestly on your contributions to the break up. It takes two to tangle it is rarely one sided with these things. Once you do that. You have to evaluate honestly what matters to you the most. Weigh all the good that she does..the things she does organically naturally that make you happy. Like my girlfriend now says alot "I don't get it" THEE MOST ANNOYING THING TO SAY and mostly with basic easy things to understand. I don't show her I'm annoyed though and I just explain in a more basic way. My girl a is about 3 years younger than me and I'm going to marry her. You also have to remember that America has poisoned the mind of men and women and you have to trace history back to relationships and marriage and the man and womans role before all these additives and programming came into play. Back then the man was king king=leader the woman was by his side supporting in other words follower. You can look into EVERY religion and in different words they say the same thing. The man is the born leader and how he acts, speaks and treats the woman will automatically reflect what comes back out of her. For instance if she like to argue and you always remain calm and dont' feed it.,.eventually she will magically stop arguing. The love she has for the man is the only reason or bridge that makes this possible for if she doesn't love the man then the whole leader ..teacher and student thing is non-existent. Women follow men naturally though everyday. Now women want to drive trucks, box, work in manual labor jobs. Women want to be the CEO of the company or partner and are no longer comfortable answering phones or being the secretary. Bottom line is all these things are "guy" things and basically they just want to do what we are doing like just because. Therefore you don't be judgemental about her intelligence level for it is YOU who is responsible for raising it and growing her. She is your flower. You always have a choice however a split second. You can choose to feel bad or say bad things about her intelligence or you can give her a book or read it with her. I've shown my fiance so much intelligence sources that I use and she has grown like a tree. You must also watch your actions because women mimic men. Also you cannot begin with her you have to begin at her parents..are they ignorant? Do they value reading or school or increasing general intelligence? Are they ditsy? Then you begin to figure things out because EVERYTHING is trickle down. Lastly Ive learned that if you look at say a beautiful actress like say Jessica Beil or Halle Berry from a distance or on television you say OH HOW BEAUTIFUL , but if you put a microscope on her face you will cuts, bruises, bumps, wrinkles..but you just said she was beautiful..truth is SHE IS THE SAME AND STILL BEAUTIFUL.. what we learn here is that if you put people under a microscope and hang on their EVERY word you will find something you dont like because just wanting to be a microscope on her is ill-intended its not a positive effect your looking for when you do this because your looking closer to verify that your right about her being not really intelligent. Your looking to satisfy our male "WE LOVE WHEN WE FIND OUT WE ARE CORRECT" ego and its just not real. Remember the day to day things she does that makes you happy..the reasons you fell in love with her. My fiance may be the moodiest thing in the sea, but all women are, but when I was sick she put me in the bed with medicine like a baby. She sat in the hospital with me for hours and she had to work the next day. We drove to south carolina from new jersey.. I had an abcess in my mouth that had me in tears and she drove the whole 12 hours back home in the car with me in tears and has never herself been past maryland. I love her laugh. Her kiss her hug her support. The fact she pushes me to ignore the negative and makes me feel on top of the world. Not to say your girl does the same or is the same way but there are many things like this she does. Bottom line is if you love a woman who you feel is not as intelligent. you bother her about it and have an attitude. Then who is really more intelligent? The intelligent person is responsible for incorporating things onto the student. So if you don't do that and condemn then does this make you ummmm..intelligent?
p.s. having alot of intelligence makes us very serious alot of the time and over thinking stressing over situations stress and over thinking won't solve anyway. A person of lesser intelligence cannot grasp the over seriousness you are applying so they can make a joke and make you laugh at these situations and that happy non-chalant feeling is the recipe for ACCOMPLISHING ALL IN LIFE!! the overthinker does just that THINKS..and does not do!! her last boyfriend before you could have been a football player..whos fault is it..water your flower buddy. its up to you if wilts over or rises like a sunflower..

Answer 2

Well, I am 21 and hubby is 34. This is marriage #1 for me and #2 for him. I am alot BOOK smarter than him, but I'll be the first to admit, I lack common sense, quite often do I say or do things that make no sense whatsoever. He, on the other hand, is the complete opposite, so we balance each other out. I say things that make you think "are you being serious?" If you're familiar with the military, you know that in the morning the cannon is sounded for the raising of the colors in the morning. Me, being the GENIUS that I am, asked hubby "where does the bullet go?" (we're dual military.) It was a legitimate question for me. I actually thought they fired a cannon in the middle of a city, to like the mountains or somewhere. He proceeded to tell me "dear, its only gun powder, no bullet." Or asking how a helicopter crashed 3 times, when in reality it was 3 different crashes by 3 different helicopters. He actually finds my ditziness kind of cute, and like you he fell in love with how sweet and kind I am. On the other hand though, I can be really naive when it comes to certain things, I won't lie I can be "slow" sometimes. But I'm really book smart, with an IQ of 133. Don't base your relationship solely on her "level of comprehending." You'd be surprised at how many other traits she has that you'll absolutely love that will overshadow her faults, especially after you get married and REALLY get to know each other. Good luck!

Answer 3

A good marriage requires not only love, but respect. You comments indicate that you will not be able to show her respect, because of the "intelligence gap" as you put it. Perhaps she is not as book smart as you, but people smart, or even street smart and probably wiser in the ways of the human heart. You are most likely selling her short, but if a high IQ is definitely on your list of requirements for a compatible wife, you might want to rethink the question of marriage.
Concerning the age and experience gap, my question to you is, why are you not with some one closer to your age that has more experience and the level of intelligence you are seeking? Could it be your substantial ego that has you going after a younger woman?

Answer 4

Hey if you love her, then so what if she "knows" how to drive a standard, or how to "tighten" a screw. If she knows what to say when you need encouragement, or how to hold you when you need to feel her arms, then what does it matter, if she can love you and can love a family that you 2 may one day have than all the "other" things" don't matter. Look at it like this, if she needs help-you will be the one she comes too, and when she has that dumbfound look on her face I bet you think "DAMN she is so Cute!!!!!!!!!.

As long as you are there to "help" her when she needs it, and she is there for you, isn't that all that matters? I say ignore the times when she "just doesn't get it" and cherish every minute with the one you love, just don't EVER give her a hard time about-look at it as one of those "little" things she does that makes her so doggone awesome!

Answer 5

Being smarter than her will not doom the relationship, knowing that you are will be the death knell for a union between you two. Throw in the factors that you are more advanced in age, experience, and intelligence and the biggie--this is #2 for you--the probability that you will live happily ever after is 0 to none. Do this innocent lamb a favor and tell her what a superficial snob you are and that you are setting her free to find someone worthy of her.

Answer 6

Maybe you are smarter than her, and I'm sure she is a lot better at things that you just suck at. The trick is to not only love her, but love her more than you love yourself, which incidental sounds like quite a bit, and to use your superior intelligence with her wonderful gifts to make your life together a sweet thing. A very real trap to avoid is to think that you are so intelligent that she can never be right, very intelligent people make huge mistakes too. I don't know how old you are, but I think you need to put you ego in check and try some humble pie.

Answer 7

Well you do have pretty high expectations as your partner.
You seek for someone being compatible to you but at the same time although you've found someone who can loves you enough you wanted more.

By comparing age, experience and intelligence. You're rating her with doubts. If you really love it, you'll accept her shortcomings.
As they say experience are gained thru time & so are intelligence. Her age & education backgrounds of course contribute to her IQ & EQ...oh yeah & maturity too. Different people at different age, comprehend things differently not because they are not intelligent it's just that they haven't been exposed to those experience before.

I've a manager who once called me stupid, just because I can't fix & operate the latest printer model (with just a Japanese manual). He just gave me 10mins. to figure it out. He further rubs it on, that my education in Comp.Sc. did no good to me.

Well overall, it's up to you on your level of commitment & how you truly felt. Most couples in their first & only marriage that lasted, often said marriage is based on love & honesty & also 1 eye closed 1 eye opened.

Answer 8

I think that in marriage, kindness and sweetness can only go so far. If you hope to grow old with this woman, as you should in a marriage, then you are going to need someone that you can converse with freely. If the need to explain yourself frequently doesn't bother you, and you feel that she is not embarrassed by her lack of understanding then maybe it will work out. But please think about her feelings also and talk to her about your concerns. Obviously, don't say "Does it bother you that I'm smarter than you?", but the next time you need to clarify yourself for some reason, ask her if how it makes her feel that you rephrase your statements. Maybe her self esteem is negatively affected...so much so that she won't tell you??

I'm a teacher with a master's degree and marrying a man with a GED. Fortunately for me, he's quite intelligent, but there are always references that I make that I need to explain in further detail. The key is whether or not she is interested in bettering herself, which my fiance is. If not, then I think you will bore quickly.

Answer 9

Nah that's totally fine. I met a guy over the weekend who was 22. I'm 19. No big deal really. Plus girls are 2 years ahead of guys in maturity anyway.

Answer 10

If it really bothers you, yah, it might doom the relationship at somepoint. Some people just have really big or small things that really bother them and eventually irritate them to death. But if you can look past it, and love her for who she is and except it, then you might be ok.

From what you say, it sounds like she isnt stupid, it sounds more like shes an 'airhead'. THAT would annoy me if thats the case. I hate "airheaded" women, and I'm a woman, but definately a smart woman.

Answer 11

I'd say the intelligence equation gets even more important with years. Once you get used to your wife, you'll start looking for that missing part somewhere outside of your marriage and will be stuck in the world of unhappiness, while not wanting to hurt her because she is "so sweet and kind"