What sordid tale of betrayal and redemption can you make out of the following terms and phrases?

Question

Use'em all, in ANY order.

1. Magic 8-Ball
2. "We are insane....we must eat cheese!"
3. lip gloss
4. croutons
5. Sir Lancelot
6. leather underpants
7. New improved TIDE with lemon-fresh scent
8. Detroit
9. Orville Reddenbacher's clone

No rush, I'll judge'em all in 2-4 days. Have fun!

Answer 1

Detroit.
Miles D'Aflack, a mild-mannered man of limited means, stared into the Magic 8-Ball disconsolately. Once again the answer to his despairing query, "Will I ever be anything more than Orville Redenbacher's clone?" was "Answer unclear. Ask again later.". Miles slowly rolled the 8-Ball through the model of Fort Zinderneuf he had constructed out of croutons and pushed himself away from the kitchen table.
Sir Lancelot, Miles' semi-golden retriever, padded out of the bedroom, bearing his leash and leather underpants. "Walkies?" he whined. Miles shrugged, and helped his pet into outing attire, pausing only to mutter, "You'd think a talking dog could put on his own britches.."
Outside, a light rain smelling faintly of New improved TIDE with lemon scent was falling, making the reflections of the streetlamps shimmer and glow in the puddles like lip gloss after a passionate kiss. Miles and Sir Lancelot made their usual three-block circuit of the only neighborhood tree and headed homeward. Suddenly, a sinister cloaked figure leapt out of an alleyway, brandishing an assegai. "Redenbacher! Betrayer of the Harvest!-Prepare to Die!", it shrieked.
Sir Lancelot spoke up, in a brassy falsetto that rang through the night: "We are insane...we must eat cheese!"
The would-be attacker crumpled to the pavement. "The voice of the Goddess!--The sacred words of Karo!--I yield!"...
Later that evening, safe and sound, if still unemployed, Miles queried his canine companion.
"Where did you learn to speak Cornish?"
Sir Lancelot looked up from licking himself and said, "If you spent more time on the 'Net and less time contemplating your ball, you'd learn a darn sight more than that."
"Oh." said Miles. "I hadn't thought of that. Thank you."
The croutons were waiting. They waited a long time, and then Sir Lancelot ate them. It was going to be a good year after all.

Answer 2

Back in the day when Sir Lancelot was the talk of Detroit, there were many rumors !! Talk had it that under all his armor hid a very different kind of Knight,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he was actually Orville Reddenbacher's clone !! But due to a genetic disorder linked to the use of New improved TIDE with lemon-fresh scent he was allergic to pop corn and had to snack on artificial popcorn flavored croutons instead. Eventually the genetic disorder worsened. He began to chafe from his leather underpants and developed an insane desire to wear Cheddar lip gloss. To which the towns people declared "We are insane....we must eat cheese!" They were not happy with the order that all must give over their cheese for the making of Cheddar lip gloss. And thus there was an uproar in the town of Detroit and everyone ate their cheese as fast as they could make it. Which saddened Sir Lancelot, so he moved to Wisconsin and rules over his very own dairy kingdom !! THE END,,,,,,LOL

Answer 3

Trying on my newly imported Corinthian leather underpants one morning- it hit me..it hit me like a bag of dried croutons dipped in a savory horseradish gravy!. I had asked my Magic 8-ball earlier but even it had been fooled. What was 'it'- I'm sure your dying to know?

"It" was the biggest thing to hit the lip gloss industry since its inception back in 50's Detroit . "It' was my idea and my idea only, a supersecret sooo secret that even i barely was able to comprehend its magnitude. My idea was complex and complicated in a simple sort of way. I thought of combining the smooth texture of today's lip gloss, with a dash of the new improved TIDE with lemon-fresh scent...Brilliant i know!!.. Your lips not only would glow in the dark, but they would smell like a bouncing baby's bottom just waiting to be kissed.! ya i know-brilliant!.

The product was ingenious, the marketing plan irreproachable, the sales waiting to skyrocket until.......Ya until Orville Reddenbacher's clone, one time chauffeur and once dubious 'life companion' of Richard Simmons came popping into the picture!

Sure his swagger was appealing, that Sir Lancelot aire about him, the way that buttery cologne of his would drift into the room announcing his presence. So i thought id take advantage of that charisma by hiring him as my Executive VP in charge of Sales and Mail.. Ya it was a risky move but thats how you become a mover and shaker in the lip gloss biz..

Then it happened, what Mr Clone did could only be compared to the 'little boy' nuclear bomb and its intimate introduction with Hiroshima!..Being dubious, gay and probably a Communist was no excuse for his disloyality..It was 30 days to production and Mr Clone does it- and does it in a big way..He calls Maury Povitch and with a national TV audience at his beckoning, he reveals my secret before millions of Maury followers right before commercial break!

The law suit alone from Proctor and Gamble for patent and product infringement crippled us! Hundreds if not more waiting female consumers were now left with no lemon-fresh lip gloss for protection..Well you can see the rippling devastation that that tornado caused all in its wake!

Of course there was a confrontation..i called him into the garage...errrr office and called him on his marketing fopa..and what was his reply???...He looked at me across that workbench...i mean desk and with his cold steel blue eyes and with his southern italian drawl said "We are INSANE and must eat cheese"!!..He HAD me there..what could i say, how could i defend myself ??..The cheese the GODDAMN cheese!..I should have known, i should have seen it coming, but i didnt, and i hadnt and .......

Answer 4

So the great Judas said to ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S CLONE and all his sheep..."WE ARE INSANE....WE MUST EAT CHEESE!"..."You have to bring me Cheese from Breast Milk."....while shoving a MAGIC EIGHT BALL up his ***...
So the sheep took a bath using NEW IMPROVED TIDE WITH LEMON FRESH SCENT and took out their LIP GLOSS and painted their a##es till they were all shiny.....
and they headed to DETROIT to look for Alek the Dalek who was disguised as SIR LANCELOT...
So the sheep sez to him...Are you Lactating?....
the Dalek replied, "Not me...But my dog is."....
The Sheep sez."We want it's milk."
Alek being so giving and all said." Help yourselves."
So the sheep went and helped themselves with Rover...
But asked one more thing." Do you have CROUTONS to go with this? We're making cheese..."
Alek said."No I don't...but I have raisins and prunes..."

....but that's another story.....