If a young mother overcomes addiction , do you blame her for her past or congradulate her on her improvement ?

Question

Most importantly do you continue to keep her from her children ?

I am minding my own business . This is about me.

been clean 2 years now .

Listen police or NOt police , I went to a wonderful rehab . I go to college and work a full time job . I have been doing this for a little over a year now . I cannot stand the 12 step method . My rehab worked for me . Not everybody with this problem needs to be brainwashed with the 12 steps

oh he left . oh well

long story ,but his father has him and wont let me see him . Nothing legal going on ...yet

Answer 1

Congratulate her on improvement- but keep her from her children, at least for a month after.

Answer 2

This is really two questions, so #1: people always do better with positive feedback. Especially a person battling addiction should be commended for each day of sobriety and encouraged to keep on that path. As far as keeping her from her children, the decision on when she should once again have full responsibility should be based on the circumstances under which they were removed from her care. Maybe there is some way for her to prove she's ready for the responsibility by having weekend visits. Completing parenting classes may also be helpful.

I am a grandmother whose son and daughter-in-law have just finished months of binge drugging while caring for their (now) 1-year old daughter. I live 2000 miles away but other family members saw the baby on a regular basis. If there had been any indication the baby was suffering neglect or abuse, I would have been the first to call Child Protective Services.

Answer 3

i am a recovering addict and a young mother. my daughter is 5 months old and i am 17 months clean & sober. i dont think my addictions have anything to do with my parenting skills now. if anything i am way more patient and much more likely to look out for her best interests. if i was still getting high that would be a different story, but i have overcome a lot and i only want the best for my daughter. a mother who is still in active addiction does not deserve the priviledge of being a parent, however a mother who is a recovering addict who is serious about her recovery and has learned from her mistakes deserves a chance.

congrats on the 2 years! definitely keep doing what you're doing. taking recovery one day at a time is the only way to make any progress. while you can't ever be fully recovered or 'cured' you can live your life making the right choices. if you ever do decide to take legal action i can almost promise you that the judge will be very impressed with you and will most likely look down on the child's father for keeping him from you after having 2 years sobriety. you have set such a good example for recovering addicts please dont let the father get you down. if you cant afford a lawyer there is always legal aid. dont ever give up, you have overcome this much. i dont think there is anything harder than losing a child, other than addiction itself. always keep hope because strength comes with desire and drive. once again, congrats, and your son is lucky to have such a wonderful, caring mother.

Answer 4

First off, congrats on having been clean for so long! That is not easy to do, because there is always temptation around, I'm sure. I've never done drugs, but I work in a psychiatric facility with people who are overcoming addictions and I am always amazed by their desire to stop using and start working on a better life for themselves. Addiction is a hard thing to beat, so more power to you!

While I think it's important to learn from the past, there's no point in blaming the past. The past is in the past...what else can you do? It's not like you can go back and change what you did in the past...you only learn from it for the sake of your future.

And yes, I do believe someone who is clean now should have her kids back. As long as they are going to be in a safe, loving environment and will have their needs met, I absolutely believe kids should be with their mother.

Good luck...hope this helps.

Answer 5

From one addict to another, I say, of course, congratulate her (you!) in the biggest way! Why anyone would blame someone else for their past, if they are clearly trying to improve their life by working hard to remain in recovery and doing everything to better themselves and their situation, I cannot imagine. Seems pointless. We ALL make grave errors in our lives...each and every one of us! I've been clean, myself, for seven years and eight months, so I know if you can put together two years, you can remain on the straight and narrow for the rest of your life! Keep up the hard work, be diligent and determined and good things will come your way in God's time. Have faith that all will be well!!!!! Major congrats, to you, again!!!!!!!

PS: To pupcake ~ Nothing in our lives is EVER 100% guaranteed (nothing!!!)... I'd say she's a pretty darn respectable member of society, if she's been able to remain clean and serene for two years. Asking her to "prove" she is in recovery for any more time is unfair, inhumane and just being far too punishing and judgemental! Let her show the world she can do it!!! I understand you mean well and want only what is best for the children, I'm quite sure, but enough time has been wasted. She, certainly, has shown, clearly, what she is made of and where her life is headed by now!!!! Time to move forward and for life to become as it should be! Children need their Mom, absolutely!!!!!!

Answer 6

Well I am a young mother and I have been clean now for nearly 4 years - (24 now)

I never lost my child, thank god but I did have a lot of support.

Congratulations -pat yourself on the back - you and I are among the EXTREME few who manage to get their lives back on track.

My life is now dedicated to trying to improve the lives of other young teens/people who have become stuck in this rut and dont know where to turn.

I dont think there is any reason to keep your children from you if you have PROVED you are doing the right thing by showing you are stable, physically and mentally, by showing you pay the rent and bills each month by showing you are doing positive things consistently... trouble is if someone has your child then something pretty bad must have happened for it to have been taken away and Im sure it would almost certainly have the law or government on the side of the child acting as the childs eyes in their best interest.

Its not us you need to prove yourself to, its your child.

I live in Australia and dont know how this is done in your part of the world but never give up - keep fighting and if you are stable and genuine they will see that and have no choice but to return your baby.

I feel for you - I could not live without my baby girl.

Good luck

Email me if you need some support.

Answer 7

Anyone who can overcome an addiction, deserves respect. However, trust takes a long time to re-establish. I wouldn't rush in to returning the kids until I was 100% guaranteed that the person is completely off of drugs for good, and is a respectable member of society. :)

Answer 8

Congradulate her! if she just overcame addiction though, you should keep her from her children for about 3-4 weeks.

Answer 9

I would, and do Congratulate you!!! *claps hands*
What you did is one of the hardest things in the world
You should absolutely be able to see your children!
Don't ever give up on them,
they need you just as much as you
need them. And don't let anyone,
tell you otherwise
You Rock!

Answer 10

I would congratulate her. However, since I am not part of the legal system, I have no say in what happens with her children.

Keep up the good work.