i am currently dating a divorced man. we have been together for about 5 months now. we spend a lot of time together and we enjoy each other's company. well that is wat he says, he enjoys my company and has fun with me, he says he likes me alot. his wife cheated on him while they were married and he has been divorced now for about 4 years. i am not in a rush for anything but he says he wants to take his time.he says, he feels our relationship has the potential to turn into marriage one day, he says he just needs time cuz although "he is over her, he still doesn't understand why she cheated and were things went wrong"..he is i guess still trying to work things out in his head. He is 40 and with a 7 yr old son whom i also love spending time with..i know guys express themselves differently than us and i appreciate him opening up and being honest with me.i am being patient with this cuz again there is no rush. wat is he really battling with?wat answers is he seeking?does he still luv her?
2007-08-23 13:38:12 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
whenever he does mention something about her its usually negative and she, according to him, comes across as being a difficult person..wat closure is he seeking and do u think he is able to appreciate the woman i am being with him? i respect him, care for him, offer great conversation, joke, we have NEVER argued about anything because i dont believe in argueing, i have NEVER put him down in anyway..is he comparing us?
2007-08-23 13:41:34 · update #1
I think he needs to go to counseling. He has issues that you aren't qualified to deal with.
He might still love her as a person, but I don't think he is in love with her.
Don't blame yourself for not being able to figure him out and fix him.
2007-08-23 13:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dear Izi, like your husband I was cheated on by my ex-spouse. Here are the many reactions we have. First anger, then sadness then we want answers to find closure. Like him I searched to find out where I went wrong or what went wrong and you know what....nothing went wrong and I didn't do anything wrong, he cheated on me period cause he was a cheater. Your boyfriend has to understand he may never know why she cheated on him, he has to accept this is something that happened and there might be no special reasons, some people are cheaters that's all. Now you know he has not found closure yet about his broken marriage. If I were you I would not involve my heart too much yet. He has to let go to be able to fall in love again. I also suspect his need for answers is motivated by left over feelings he has for her. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. Take it one day at a time
2007-08-23 13:53:45 · answer #2 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust me it is not you. i was married almost 8 years, and i divorced. it is still a love there but not for her, just the situation. when a marriage ends we always wonder, what did i do, what can i do to make it better in a future relationship. it is hard to let go of your past, good or bad. but maybe he is thinking he did something to drive her away. us as women get caught up in our emotions. we always need that extra secruity, affection, and everything else. even if our man is working and to tired to do anything we still need more, especially the time, and when we do not get it we get that from somewhere else. cheating is not the best thing but we have been know to do it. shopping would be better. if he talks bad about her all the time, he is still hurt by what she did not by the break up. my ex never cheated, but sometimes i talk bad about him. and it is only because of the hurt that i feel inside. sometimes it feels like the break up is all my fault, even though i did all i could do. so give him the time to work through it. i have been divorced 2 years, but it still hurts, and i am in a serious relationship now. and i know if we where married know it will not last because of my past hurts. i have gotten over alot of disappointment by my ex, but it still is some there. you do not want to pay for her mistakes. so love him right through it and your relationship will be stronger, then his past marriage.
2007-08-23 14:05:47 · answer #3 · answered by tasha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Patience and Understanding is the best medicine you can give him to heal. This was obviously a very traumatic experience for him, one that he has not yet recovered from. I don't think it's that he still wants to be with this woman but he might still be trying to figure out the WHY their relationship failed. He probably feels like it is somehow his fault even though it was her that chose to leave him. This man will need time to learn to be able to trust again and might be afraid of commitment for awhile. You have to realize this isn't because of you, he is scared of being hurt again. You have been with him 5 months already so obviously he does care for you. Continue to give him time but after a year if the two of you have become more serous he will have to learn to let go of his past, otherwise it will hinder your relationship. I think it's still too soon to know. You sound like your really good for him and you seem to like him very much so try to hang in there.
2007-08-23 13:59:04 · answer #4 · answered by horsewhisperer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alot of times we jsut have issues in our head and alot of resentment. He probably has no feelings for her except bad ones. I felt the same way about my ex-wife. I didn't even realize it until the last couple of months that I still had alot of resentment about it and I've been divorced 5 years. It takes men so much longer to let go of that stuff because we don't want to talk about it with people and it just stays built up. You just need to understadn what happened that made him feel this way and just re-assure him and make him feel secure that it was with her and not you. That you love him and want to be with only him.
2007-08-23 13:49:31 · answer #5 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's still hurting over the betrayal, which means he's not over the situation.
And, although he doesn't want her back, he probably deep down wonders what went wrong and what he could've done to avoid the situation.
Tell him that you're patient, but won't wait forever.
Let him know that you're not his ex and you won't be unfaithful. You love and cherish him.
Maybe, he could use some counseling...To help work out these thoughts in his head and come to resolution and peace over the situation.
2007-08-23 18:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he probably does not have those type of feelings for her, but he has a connection he can never lose with her. We all sorta hold on to the bad things in old relationships to watch in our new ones to make sure the same thing is not happening again. I will take time for him to see you are good and better then the last one. If you are enjoying yourself then give him the time
2007-08-23 13:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamy S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Betrayal is a very hard thing to get over. It cuts to the soul. He is probally trying to figure out what went wrong so it don't happen again. What went wrong was he married a whore the first time. It's nobodys fault but hers. If you love him then be patient a little while longer. Remind him that your not her. Talk your feeling out with him.
2007-08-23 13:52:34 · answer #8 · answered by Aunt Doobie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hes more then likely taking his time cause he doesnt want to make the same mistakes this time as last time. as long as hes not talking about her all the time or much at all things should be ok on that subject. now if that is all hes talking about then he still has unresolved issues and you be carefull you dont get drug into it. 5 months is not very long to be with someone. now if your still asking these questions 3 or 4 years from now i would ask him if he plans to marry you.. you dont want to waste years together and then have nothing to show for it. good luck
2007-08-23 14:21:55 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You only been together for 5 months know one agues in the beginning. You two are still trying to get to know one another and it is way to early for him to even think about marriage with you. About his ex of course he still loves her just because she cheated doesn't take the love away, you think it does that's why so many couples get divorced prematurely.If they would of stayed together they could have worked things out. That is on his mind and don't think it isn't. Do you think he still loves his ex wife.
2007-08-23 14:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋