Its my 21st bday today and I just want the day to be over. My b/f dumped me 6 months ago after dating for 2 yrs, and has never called me since. My life is so boring and lonely. I hate being single. I have friend, but they are not "good" people. I work and go to college and I dont want to be single anymore, but I cant find a man. I hate my body and feel so ugly. I'm considering plastic surgery. All I really want is to find a man who will love me with all his heart, so that we can build a life together.
What should I do?
2007-08-23 13:04:46 · 32 answers · asked by KerryAnn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Until you are able to love yourself (and this is not meant in a physical way), you will not be able to find the right person for you!
Too many people are looking for someone to make them feel better, or to make them "whole". Another person can not do this for you. Lets look at the good things about you. I do not know you, so this will be a general.
You are working and going to school! This tells me that you are trying to make yourself and your future better! This is a good thing!
You want more out of life than you have now! Your schooling is helping there, as is your willingness to ask for help when you are feeling down.
You say you hate your body! Let me tell you a secret about guys, (at least the ones worth having a relationship with). You can get attention with looks, but you will not keep it unless there is a lot more there!
Some guys are just looking for eye candy, or a roll in bed. Others actually are looking for something more. There is a saying that beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone! What this means is that no matter how good a person looks, if the are not someone you want to be around, you do not want them!
Your problem is not your looks. Surgery will not fix how you see yourself unless there is a major problem (serious disfigurement.
You may want to talk to someone about your depression. It may be a medical issue.
Happy birthday and good luck!
2007-08-23 13:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by fire4511 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Even if you did find that special someone, You wouldn't even believe him when he tells you that you're the most beautiful Lady he has ever seen and that he loves you with all his heart.
Why?.... Because you don't love or appreciate yourself, so why would you think anyone else would?
Sweetie, A man should not define who or what you are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. If you are not satisfied with how you look then do something about it.
But don't do it to satisfy a man, a family member, or anyone else. You should do it for you and only you. If you were satisfied with the way you looked, I'd say to tell anyone who said anything about the way you look to go jump in lake, cause you're not going to spend your precious time entertaining their stupidity and hurtful comments.
You have to believe in yourself. I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend broke up with you. But maybe that was a good thing. Remember things happen in our lives that we don't necessarily know the reason why, but when God shuts one door he always opens a window.
You are making a difference in your life. You are bettering yourself and future family by continuing your education and one day you will reap the benefits.
P.S. Love yourself. Get to know who you are and Like yourself. Men love women that are confident if nothing else but in themselves. It's actually a turn on so I've been told.
Hang in there and I hope you start feeling better about your situation real soon. If you want to talk some more just e-mail me.
Think positive and positive things will happen. Good luck to you, and let me know how things turn around for you.
:>)
2007-08-23 14:39:41 · answer #2 · answered by mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be thankful that he dumped you when he did verses years down the road with children he may not have supported leaving you and your children in a very bad situation.
Get up,dust yourself off and go forward.
If he just disappeared after 2 years then the relationship must not have been very good to start with and from your "I hate my body and feel so ugly. I'm considering plastic surgery." comment makes me think that he probably used you for a doormat because you have little or no self esteem.
Get you some "good" friends and start realizing that you are absolutely gorgeous to a lot of men and that you deserve to be treated like the queen you are and don't settle for less than the best!
2007-08-23 13:20:57 · answer #3 · answered by dedmunne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a very low self esteem. Why do you hate being single? It can be a lot of fun, especially on your 21st bday. You should be out at the bars relaxing, I can see your picture, you shouldn't have any problem meeting a guy. You need to realize you don't need someone to be happy and enjoy life, I'm not saying that its great being single forever, but at your age it should be a lot of fun being single. I think you need to love who you are a little more otherwise your going to get desperate and settle for a guy that doesn't deserve you. I always seem to find my girlfriends when I'm not looking and can never seem to find anyone to date when I am looking, I wouldn't worry about it and I definitely wouldn't get plastic surgery, there is nothing wrong with the way you are now except your self-esteem.
Hang in there, you will find someone.
2007-08-23 13:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by crysent 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When I was 21, many moons ago. I had tons of girlfriend lovers, left and right. I really enjoy the single life then. I never thought about a serious relationship, like in marriage. Just pure dating and having tons of fun with lots and lots of "Hot" women. Don't get me wrong. I did feel lonely at that time. But! When a "Hot" woman, came in my apartment, that pretty much took away the pain loneliness. Be very careful with this word "Loneliness", It can really (f)cuck up your life! Be Super Strong! Don't let loneliness take over your life! Because of this word "Loneliness" U might end up marrying the wrong man in your life. So be careful! Don't worry about finding "True Love". Love will come to you, when you least expect it! Just go about your everyday normal activities and you will find the perfect man in your life! Hope this helps. Good Luck! :o)
2007-08-23 13:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by pain_of_unhappiness 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok from your picture you look very pretty. There is nothing wrong with being single, I have been single for quite awhile (with the occasional date or boyfriend that lasted a couple of months). but let me tell you I would rather be single than be mis treated. My sister is one that can not stand being alone and has the worst luck with guys, she never gives herself time to be alone. You need to find yourself and who you are before you start looking for the one that you want to be with. You know you said that you are going to college and working, I think that you are on the right path of finding someone good. I think that guys do like career women, they like someone who knows what they want and are going for it. Give yourself sometime to find yourself. Get some different friends, maybe some from school or work who are like you and goal driven. The plastic surgery is up to you but I think that you are really young to make that kind of decision changing your body like that, your body may still be shaping. Good luck with everything
2007-08-23 13:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jasmine G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have your entire life ahead of you !!!
Focus on yourself now....What do you want from life? Make a list and see what you can do to make those things come true...If you can afford it, go to therapy or counseling...You are at a difficult age right now, and there are sooo many options for you that it can be quite overwhelming...Take it easy and be patient with yourself. We all have issues we have to deal with, and it's not easy or fun to do so...but it is necessary in order to heal.
Please visit your doctor too, because your sadness can be some kind of hormonal imbalance, and in that case medicine like anti-depressants can help you overcome this stage. And last - but not least- try to have a closer relationship with God. He is a loving Father and He will always help you....Ask Him to guide you so you can make the right decisions..!
Love and accept yourself first....THEN you will project this attitude and others will sense it and be attracted to you.
Good luck and happy birthday !!!
2007-08-23 16:24:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend time will bring your healing. You must begin to love you for who you are. No one will love you better than you will love and appreciate your self. Once you appreciate yourself others will live to appreciate you. That guy who dumped you, you make something of your self and in the future you will not br weeping but laughing as you get yourself an education then your family and home- you will be in the drivers seat driving through life with a smile on your face. Weep now but be prepared to laugh later in life. To get out of depression fast is to go into the outdoors and walk and enjoy life again; you have an entire life ahead of you!
2007-08-23 14:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by EarthRover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!Just take it easy!! I'm sure your beautiful, go get a make over (a nice hair style,make up and new clothing) you will feel better about yourself..and girlfriend a man is not everything, they bring you a lot of drama enjoy yourself and have fun.DO YOU!! Do not rush anything usually things don't work out. There's a good man for you out there,Let me just give an advice as a sister,you have to work a lot on your self esteem before you think about a relationship,LOVE YOU!! FIRST, another thing girl just be very careful with plastic surgery.TAKE CARE..........
2007-08-23 13:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by mamachula01 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Forget the plastic surgery, that's only a superficial fix. Take this time on your own to work on your self esteem. Figure out for yourself who you really are. Ask you self, am I a better person today than I was yesterday. Who we are inside is much more important than who we are out side. In a nut shell learn to like your self first. Go to the gym and work on what you don't like about your body.
2007-08-23 13:22:31 · answer #10 · answered by rlstaehle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋